Early Deprivation: Can A Man Have An Underdeveloped Feminine Aspect If He Had An Emotionally Unavailable Mother?

If a man doesn’t have a woman in his life, and he were to step back and reflect on how he feels, he can find that he feels empty. Additionally, he can find that it doesn’t feel supported.

After this, he can conclude that the sooner he has a woman in his life, the better. As a result, it might not be long until he is dating a woman and ends up starting a relationship.

The First Stage

Assuming that he does go down this route, he can soon find that he starts to feel whole and complete. Also, he can find that he feels supported, and that this allows him to perform better at work and achieve more.

Before long, he can be amazed at how different he feels; it can be as if he has become a different person. Furthermore, some of the people in his life can mention how different he is.

The Next Stage

However, as time passes, the woman he is with could start to change, with her becoming distant. If this takes place, he can do his best to make things go back to how they were before.

Yet, even if this does happen and he does do his best to bring her closer, it doesn’t mean that it will work. Due to this, it might not be long before their time together comes to an end.

The other Side

If this is what takes place, he can end up feeling very low, and he may even have moments when he thinks about ending his life. What this will show is that he is in a lot of pain, and no longer being alive is seen as his only way out.

It can then be difficult for him to get out of bed each day, and he can struggle to focus when he is at work. In a way, it will be as if his insides have been ripped out, and he is, thus, not the person he was a short while ago.

An Analogy

If he were to describe how he feels to a trusted friend, he could say that it is as though he has been deflated. He will then have felt whole and complete and supported, but now that he is no longer with her, he won’t.

What might enter his mind is that this is normal, and in order for him to experience life differently, he needs to be with a woman. He is then one part, and a woman is another, and, together, they become whole and complete each other.

Another Angle

If he were to talk to a trusted friend about this, they could say that while they understand his outlook, it is not true. They could say that he is already whole and complete and doesn’t need a woman to feel this way.

After being told this, he could become defensive, or he could become curious and want to know more. He could say that, if this is the case, why does he feel the way that he does?

A Closer Look

They could say that the reason he doesn’t know this is likely to be because of what took place during his formative years and the impact that it had on him. This is because this may have been a stage of his life when his mother was emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Consequently, he would have missed out on the attunement, care, mirroring, support and love that he needed to grow and develop in the right way. Therefore, instead of staying connected to his body and feelings and developing a strong sense of self, he would have had to lose touch with his connected and feeling true self.

The outcome

He would then have stayed in an emotionally underdeveloped state and not developed a strong sense of self. To handle not having a number of his needs consistently met and the pain that this caused, he would have developed a disconnected, unfeeling and outer-directed false self.

He would have also lived in the hope that, if he became who she wanted and behaved how she wanted, she would love him. But, as she probably wasn’t able to provide him with the love that he needed, as she herself was developmentally stunted, it wouldn’t have mattered who he became or what he did.

Its Over

Now that he is an adult, this stage of his life is over; nonetheless, as he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded, his feminine or emotional aspect will be underdeveloped. The sense of wholeness, of being complete and supported that her love would have largely activated, won’t be there.

For him to embrace his connected true self, get back into his body and experience an emotional birth, there will be a number of steps for him to take. There will be beliefs for him to question, pain to face and process, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

This will take courage, support, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.