Epigenetic Approach To Couple Conflicts

Epigenetic System allows you to understand and act upon certain scenarios which otherwise we don´t have much orientation. Based upo
Integral Psychology & Integral Models (such as Wilber´s AQAL and Beck´s SD Integral), helps us with a "map" to read efficiently specific areas of the complex human territories world. In this case I would like to introduce some concepts for understanding and solving common relationship conflicts.
Epigenetic Model explains we are bound to levels. These levels are holons, each one with a particular worldview and specific ways to cope with it accordingly. "Man knows what he sees" (and acts accordingly).
So, let´s take, form the very complex (and usually frustrating) world of everyday living with our mates.
Specifically, one scenario. I call it "rivalry".
For rivalry I mean specific level of organization. People stuck in rivalry tend to view the world as a very competitive place, where there is not enough space for everybody to interact in harmony, with abundance of resourses for everybody. They tend to forget to put them into the other´s place and demand more than they give.
For "they" I really mea
"me", "you".
It corresponds with Epigenetic level 3.
So, If you usually get stuck in long, tiring and rather useless conversations with your mate. If you feel frsutrated because he/she wants to have the last word. If both of oyu, altough you love each other, spend so much energy in everyday (rather stupid) quarrels that you started to think about divorce. If you feel you can´t communicate without some rather irrelevant issue to arise and then all harmony vanishes, to be replaced by tension. If this is not a "premiere" for you, if you tend to repeat similar scenarios, varying your mates but never varying the pattern. If you wonder how to avoid all this.
Then this information is for you.
Epigenetic Model explains that specific level has specific strategy to cope with the conflicts which are level-related.

In the case of Level 3 (which I´ve just depicted above), specific strategy for trating it it´s called: "interpretation".
I t is to relate the repetitive present with the unsolved, unellaborated past.
Usually psychoanalysis is good about it, making you tie your unresolved issues from your memory, so you free your mind from repetitive patterns and go on throug new horizons in your life (isn´t that what life is about after all?).
But, the catch here is: we usually NEVER apply interpetation as a specific strategy to solve these kinds of problems.
My clinical practice is onorthodox. Applying these principles, the operative side of it appears rather strange. For example, when level 3 scenario is behind the motive of consulting, usually I don´t let the couple members to speak much. If I let them, usually what is a positive catharsis in the individual session, becomes an infe
al feedback for the other one. Venting out my problems in front of my couple makes the anxiety shift from my inside to hers. As soon as I finish, then she starts. So what I hear charges me back. So it´s completely negative. Unless they are able to see the whole pattern. That´s what we usually do day in, day out: I speak, you feel offended and retaliate; then we shift, taking turns to keep the fire of nervousness permanently alive.
Strategy demands to see the whole pattern as one unity. Then we see that we are trapped into it. To escape we must first do what we don´t: think.
Why am I repeating this?
Epigenetic therapy guide us through the whole process of seeing beyond our repetittions and going into the core: we are stuck in some level, so we can´t proceed to higher ones.
I hope this information can help us to understand the patterns we usually are into, unconscious ones that bounds us to emotional misery. And that there´s a way out!