***Equip yourself to handle difficult conversations well

Effective leaders understand that enhancing relationships is critical to their success. In fact, of all the behaviors attributed to career derailment, a problem with relationship building is cited most often – almost 46 percent of the time. Communicating constructively is key to enhancing relationships with colleagues and staff, which means you have to be able to handle diffi cult conversations. What gets in the way? For starters, we are all human beings. When we feel passionate about something, our emotions kick in, putting us in a diffi cult position for communicating. Further, we don’t typically have diffi cult conversations in a vacuum. It’s a safe bet that you’ll be dealing with several other challenges at the same time. That means you may be distracted and stressed – not a good combination. And finally, our experience in having diffi cult conversations (or lack thereof) means that we may not be equipped to handle them as effectively as we would like. What can you do to communicate more constructively with people? • Neutralize the setting. Meet in a conference room or other neutral location. Sit at a table, side by side if possible. Avoid having either party sit behind a desk. For privacy, shut the door. In open environments, meet where you are less likely to be overheard. • Use active listening skills. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey teaches that we should seek “fi rst to understand, then to be understood.” In today’s fast-paced environment, this is a lost art. Get all relevant information on the table by asking good questions. Then clear your mind, close your mouth, make eye contact and really listen. • Focus on the facts. Avoid getting caught up in emotions or sidetracked with extraneous information. Instead, ferret out the core issues and supporting facts. Write them down so that you can stay focused, remember them and reference them later. Don’t jump to conclusions. Your goal is to arrive at a mutual understanding of the situation. • Develop a plan to resolve the issue. Be clear on what needs to be done, by whom and by when. After the meeting, follow up in writing. Don’t make assumptions or leave anything to chance. • Follow through on commitments. Do what you say you are going to do. This will enhance your credibility. Likewise, ensure that the other person adheres to commitments as well. Do this via email, telephone or in-person, or a combination of all three. None of us deliberately seeks to have difficult conversations, but how you handle them when they do arise will have a definite impact on your career.