Father Wounds: Can A Man Believe That It Is Not Safe To Exist If He Had An Abusive Father?

Even if a man doesn’t feel safe enough to exist, it doesn’t mean that he will be consciously aware of this. However, being this way is going to have a massive impact on his life.

Through being this way, he can typically be out of touch with his body and/or he can isolate himself from others. This can be something that automatically takes place, with it being a way for him to handle the arousal that is inside him.

The Norm

Losing touch with his body around others can be so normal that he might not be aware that this has taken place. And, if this also typically takes place when he is by himself, it could be said that this is to be expected.

In order for him to notice what is going on, he would need to experience a big difference or at least a noticeable difference. This would allow him to see that he doesn’t have a good connection with his body.

The Outcome

By living in this way, he is rarely going to be aware of how he feels or most of his needs. This is because his feelings and a number of his needs will be found in his body.

Not having access to a lot of the information that is inside him will make it hard for him to live a fulfilling life. Also, not being connected to his body could cause him to spend a lot of time feeling flat and frustrated.

Outer Directed

By typically being estranged from what is taking place in his body and spending a lot of time in his head, he could largely look towards others when it comes to what he should do. Doing what they want and what he thinks they want is likely to be his priority.

Living in this way will be what feels comfortable but it won’t allow him to live a life that is in alignment with who he is. For this to happen, he would need to reconnect to and express himself.

His personality

If the people in his life were to describe him, they would say that he is easy-going, laid-back and happy to go along with most things. They could also say that he is a bit of a doormat and doesn’t stand his ground.

As a result of this, his true self is rarely going to see the light of day around others; what will more or less always show up is his false self. Still, this will just be what feels safe, so there will be no reason for him to change his behaviour.

A Greater Connection

Being by himself won’t allow him to connect to others but what it may do is allow him to connect to himself. What this comes down to is that he won’t need to put on an act and to focus on what is going on exte
ally and he might feel safer, if not safe.

This will allow him to settle further into himself and to connect to whatever information he has access to. So, when he is by himself, a lot of pressure is likely to end up falling away and he can feel greatly relieved.

An Important Need

What this all illustrates is how important it is to feel safe as when this need is not met, it is not possible for someone to truly live life. Their other needs will end up being overlooked until this need is taken care of.

Said another way, they will be overly preoccupied with surviving, which will prevent them from being able to thrive. As if they were to grow and expand, this would be seen as a threat to their very existence.

A Closer Look

At this point, it might seem strange as to why the man wouldn’t feel safe being in his body and around his fellow human beings. Based on how he is behaving, it will be as though he has been in a warzone.

If the man was to become aware of what is going on, he might have absolutely no idea why he is like this. What this is likely to show is that his mind has blocked out what took place during his early years.

Back In Time

This may have been a stage of his life when he was physically harmed by his father. To be harmed by someone who he looked towards to protect him, keep him safe and guide him would have deeply traumatised him and destroyed his sense of trust.

Due to the power imbalance, he wouldn’t have been able to stop what was going on and, as he was totally dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to leave his home. To handle the pain that he was in, he would have had to leave his body; he had no other option.

The Same Response

Now that he is an adult, he continues to leave his body when he doesn’t feel safe, and, of course, as he hasn’t developed a felt sense of safety, he doesn’t know that there is another option. His early years taught him that it wasn’t safe enough for him to exist and this is now seen as the truth.

It’s then a case of him leaving his body and perhaps isolating himself or his life will come to an end. What took place will be over but a big part of his being will still be stuck at this stage of his life.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.