Finding Joy

Lately I’ve noticed a behavioral trend occurring among clients, my friends and myself. We are recognizing the importance that joy plays life. The problem for many of us is that after being workaholics and Super moms for years, we don’t know what real joy is – or how to find it.

I have always had an enormous inner drive to serve and give to others. In the past several years I’ve often looked to a higher source and asked, “What more can I do? How can I use my talents and natural gifts to serve the world?” Without fail the answer was, “Enjoy yourself, Deborah.” And each time I would think to myself, “Oh darn, that “joy” thing again. Not feed the hungry or save the world. How do I enjoy myself? Where do I look to find joy?”

It occurred to me recently that I was putting limitations on my own sense of joy – whether or not I deserved it and how I could best position myself to receive it. I thought I had to do something, or be in a certain place to fully experience joy. Should I behave in a certain way? Or do something special in order to earn it?

I came to realize that joy is not something to strive for. It’s not a reward, or a final destination. Joy is an energy that we can embody – a vibration that we can tune in to and absorb. We are at our best and perform our best when we are filled with this joyful energy.

So often we think, “My life would be filled with so much joy… if I could only get my home decorated the way I want it… If I was in the relationship of my dreams… If I got the promotio
I deserve … If I could afford that new car I want to drive.” If joy never enters our lives (or it surfaces for a fleeting moment then slips away) it’s because we are always working toward it. We are never in it. We are expecting it to show up on our doorstep and surprise us sometime in the future.

The reality is that joy lives in the moment. It exists right now. Joy is a vibratory aspect of life—the same as grace, or compassion, or love. It makes a sound within us that enlivens and enlightens us. We can’t search for, or work toward joy. Like sunshine, it is around us all the time. We just have to be aware of it and bask in it. We need to let it in.

It may be difficult to recognize joy when we haven’t experienced it in awhile. When a client has this problem I ask her to remember a joyful time in her life – giggling with friends as a child or holding her newbo
baby. I have her feel the vibration as she re-experiences that time. Another way I get in touch with joy is to hang out with playful children or other people who are in joy. A singing bird or my dog as I return home exudes joy. I connect with their energy, letting it permeate my being and I memorize how this feels and tune into that vibration.

I’ve found many excuses to not feel joy. “I’m in too much pain.” “I’m too angry (sad, hurt, despondent, or just too busy) to feel joy now.” In order to find it, I had to simply let go of the excuses, the pain and fear, and choose to feel joy. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s no surprise that I didn’t miss those negative feelings. And, I found that I was even more effective and successful when I acted in joy.

I’ve realized that joy is not a reward; it is a necessary ingredient to awareness and fulfillment. Joy is like the baking soda in a cake. I can mix together sugar, chocolate, eggs, flour and milk and bake it; but without baking soda, the cake won’t rise. Our lives are similar. Without joy we cannot expand to experience the grace and truth that is all around us. Without joy we struggle to create a happy life that seems unattainable. When we realize and embody the joy that exists around us we expand, grow and finally live the lives that we dream of.

The energy of joy is present right now. All we have to do is choose joy. Tap into it. Sing a joyful song. Watch a joyful movie. Absorb the joy that radiates from family, friends and neighbors. Be in joy—channel it—bathe in it—laugh in it—make it a part of us. Joy is not something we earn. It is something we become.