From Desperate Anger To Blooming Passion

The season of renewal is finally here and with it comes an invitation to awaken to life. Note the blue skies, the sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming. What an enchanting time to be alive. The possibilities are countless.

As we are coming out of hibernation, it is time to look around and take stock. How much did we neglect ourselves and our relationship over the winter months? Did the month of love make an impact in your relationship, or did you let the opportunity to feel alive and connected with your partner pass you by? No worries, now is the time to wake up and smell the roses. Now is the perfect time to get in touch with your relationship energy and passion.

In my work with couples I usually encounter couples who feel at their wits end. These couples only experience their partner in a negative way through their misperceptions, assumptions, miscommunications, and poor relationship skills. Their relationship is fraught with anger, frustration and resentment. They can’t feel their love or their union. They feel alone and enraged. This is what I call misguided passion.

The partners are not properly tapping into their relationship energy and passion! They feel it but misuse it. These partners get entangled with selfishness, egocentricity, self-absorption, self-pity, and their sense of entitlement. This coupled with their lack of self-knowledge and relationship skill is a formula for disaster.

Positively experiencing your relationship energy and passion requires some tending, pruning and watering. Relationship nurturing is key to the success of the relationship. Dissatisfied and enraged couples are in a constant state of deprivation. Their anger is signaling them that they don’t feel heard, understood, and gotten and that their needs are not being met.

Start paying attention to when your partner appears agitated. When do you feel put-off? If you can objectively track this down, you will find that at the core you both want respect, understanding, attention, and love. Your relationship energy and passion is churning in an attempt to meet these needs. Tend to these needs, and you will experience your relationship energy and passion as you have never experienced it before! Enlivened!!

Happy Tending!!

~ Your MetroRelationship ™ Assignment

Have a discussion with your partner about needs. First, create a safe environment and openness to the topic. Don’t bring this up in the middle of a fight or when you are both exhausted. Then, taking turns, speak from your core self about how you like to receive attention and love, and what little gestures touch your heart. Share with each other needs you have and give tips on how these can be met. Any requests or tips you give need to follow this formula: S M A R T – Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time Limited (borrowed from Harville Hendrix’s Imago relationship work).

~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!

Take a moment now to share below any thoughts, comments, take away, tips, and successes! PLEASE post a comment now – we grow in community!

Thanks for connecting with the MetroRelationship™ Family!

Copyright (c) 2016 Emma K. Viglucci. All rights reserved.

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Emma K. Viglucci, LMFT is the Founder and Director of Metropolitan Marriage & Family Therapy, PLLC, a private practice that specializes in working with couples, she is the creator of the MetroRelationship:tm: philosophy and a variety of Successful Couple :tm: content that assist couples succeed at their relationship and their life. Stay Connected:tm: with Emma and receive weekly Connection Notes in your inbox with Personal Growth and Relationship Enrichment insights and strategies, visit: www.metrorelationship.com.