Browse Codependency

Sometimes, the breakup is initiated by the long-suffering spouse or intimate partner of the narcissist or psychopath. As she develops and matures, gaining in self-confidence and a modicum of self-esteem (ironically, at the narcissist’s behest in his capacity as her “guru” and “father figure”), she acquires more personal autonomy and refuses to cater to the energy-draining neediness of her narcissist: she no longer provides him with all-important secondary narcissistic supply

Parents want what is best for their children. If a mother and father do their best to raise their child, offering strong guidance and attentive parenting, then it is a job well done. However, letting go of that parental authority can be a challenge, particularly when the child grows into a ...

Which comes first passive men or controlling women? © Evelyn Leite Why do they always seem to team up? This is a question asked of me recently by a reader. Possibly because two passive people would end up on the streets and two overtly controlling people would end up killing each other? Do they feed on each other? Do they each select the other out of some sense of familiarity from childhood?

The holidays can be a magical time for families. It is a time for wonderful parties, great food, bonding, reminiscing about the past, and gift giving. Family members often travel great lengths to be together. For many people, it is the only time of year that their family is all together as one.

Question: “I’m very sensitive. I can easily feel other people emotions. But, often, it feels as though I’m just bombarded and sometimes I don’t know where my emotions stop and another’s begin. I just have strong empathy abilities, right?” Answer: Maybe. In my spiritual travels, I’ve met many empathetic people. Being empathetic isn’t always a good thing. One dictionary defines empathetic as a “ready comprehension of others’ states.” Being empathetic means one can easily iden

Excerpted from the April 21,2011 episode of my radio show, A Fine Time for Healing Roughly 100 millio Americans suffer the effects of codependency today. Relationship codependency is often referred to as the “White Knight” syndrome, because the codependent tends to be a rescuer. Codependency is a commonly and loosely used term that we often hear, but many of us do not know exactly what it means. Within the context of addiction there are three types of codependency; the enab

At some point in my development (it's an ongoing process), I gained a fear of confrontation. As I went on, it became more and more prevalent and became a part of my personality. I was a "nice guy", which is fine and certainly carries redeeming qualities; however, I found myself with many problems associated with this. I was unable to stand up for myself. I found myself saying "yes" to everything, even when I didn't want to do something. My love life suffered because I was so

Bring Your Self to Your Relationship It is a phenomenon when we feel energized, connected, and alive past the infatuation stage of our relationship.

Stop Sabotaging Yourself!

One of the key contributing factor of Procrastination – Indolencer First of all, let’s understand what indolence is. It simply means laziness or disinclined to complete a task or activity, for instance, when you want to lose weight by doing routine exercise, you will delay this task by finding many excuses, like “I am too tired after a full day work, maybe do it tomorrow”, “Not feeling well and right for exercise now”, “I am not in the mood to exercise now” and many many more

What is codependent behavior? When you try to define codependent you may see many definitions that essentially refer to the same problem: an excessive caring for another person that borders on psychological obsession. Is there such a thing as a person being too caring? Don’t all people desire ...

Throughout the first sixteen years of my marriage my husband, Dean, struggled with his addiction to alcohol, prescription pain pills, and crack cocaine. As his addiction continued to get worse, my ability to set healthy boundaries failed. This didn’t happen ove ight -- it was a gradual process that eventually left me feeling powerless.

"Recovery involves bringing to consciousness those beliefs and attitudes in our subconscious that are causing our dysfunctional reactions so that we can reprogram our ego defenses to allow us to live a healthy, fulfilling life instead of just surviving. So that we can own our power to make choices for ourselves about our beliefs and values instead of unconsciously reacting to the old tapes. Recovery is consciousness raising. It is en-light-en-ment - bringing the dysfunctional attitudes and beliefs out of the darkness of our subconscious into the Light of consciousness.

Most women, from the time they were little girls, were raised to be caretakers. We learned early on that we should be sweet, play nice, and put others first. While the boys around us were playing cops and robbers, we were busy playing house. We were taking care of our dolls and cooking dinner for our imaginary husbands. It is no surprise that we then grow up feeling like we have to put everybody’s needs before our own.

How can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pain he’s causing - why doesn’t he care? I can’t take the stress any longer. He’s destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn’t he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when you love a person with a drug or alcohol dependency. You can’t understand why he continues on such a destructive path. Why does he make so many bad choices? Why does he cause so much pain to his family and loved ones?

As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. It can seem unjustifiable. After everything the addict has subjected you to, why should they be forgiven?

This man doesn’t make the headlines. He won’t steal your money or kill you and dump your body on the side of the road. But he can steal your heart, rob you of your time and kill you slowly from the inside out like radiation that eats at your heart and soul. Does Your Man Act Like This? 1.Is your man detached, and sometimes cold and distant? 2.Does he seem to come close then pull back again and again? 3.Do you believe it could be wonderful if you could just get past his wall

Not all Emotional Abuse is obvious. In fact, behavior that belies Emotional Abuse often starts out feeling good. Have you ever met the charmer, the smooth talker? Everything you say and do he finds adorable. Narcissists are masters of charm and sweet talk. His doting and compliments feel good. At first, you won’t believe your luck in finding someone so able to listen, talk things through and make you laugh. But, when it comes to dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorde

How can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pains he's causing - why doesn't he care? I can't take the stress any longer. He's destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn't he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when you love an addict. You can't understand why he continues on such a destructive path. Why does he make so many bad choices? Why does he cause so much pain to his family and loved ones?

As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. It can seem unjustifiable. After everything the addict has subjected you to, why should they be forgiven?

Just over five years ago my life was in complete turmoil. I was in a marriage with an out of control addict. I had lost practically all of my possessions due to my husband pawning anything valuable to support his habit, and we were on the verge of foreclosure. I felt emotionally and physically broken down. I really couldn’t find anything in my life to feel happy about. I felt completely powerless.

In my view, as I look back over the last 30 years of being a therapist, I notice how much more human and humane therapists have become and how much more personal the therapy process has become. The momentous impact of more humanistically and transpersonally-oriented therapies has actually ...

When you love somebody struggling with addiction, you pray for the day when he or she agrees to accept treatment. Maybe they reach 'rock bottom' and ask for help, but it's more likely that an ultimatum or plea from family and friends is what pushes them toward making the choice. Regardless of what steps get them to saying "yes", being ready with a plan for treatment is vital. In the time it takes to make arrangements they could change their mind. This is why it's so important for the family to find a good treatment program -- even before the addict agrees.

Cultivate Your Intimacy!

What is an affair? What constitutes cheating? Infidelity? These are very personal definitions. Most people have their own version of what constitutes what. Here is a definition I have adapted from experts in the field that works well: An affair involves one of the partner’s passion being directed at someone or something other than their partner that often includes secrecy.

Many of us do not understand the importance of having emotional “boundaries” in our interpersonal relationships. Many of us do not even understand what the term “boundaries” means in that context. And many of us do not even know whether the emotional boundaries in our life are healthy or not. This concept was foreign to me for the first forty years of my life. When a therapist explained to me that the problems I was experiencing stemmed from undefined emotional boundaries, I

Are you in a relationship with an addict? Have your attempts at helping that person failed? Do you feel powerless? Codependency is a term used when one person develops unhealthy patterns due to the involvement with another person who has the disease of addiction. Some of the negative patterns that develop include enabling, denial, low self-esteem, and control issues. While these patterns don't happen ove ight, most people who live with an addict for a sustained period of time, eventually fall into some of these behaviors.

The majority of the couples that want to improve their relationship identify that communication is an issue for them. They share how they can’t see eye-to-eye, convey their feelings and perspective, or understand each other. They report they end up fighting every time they try to address something not being able to resolve disagreements or being delayed in making decisions because they can’t get on the same page with their partner.

"In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems ..."In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in.

I have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less... So, what's the point?

It is difficult to be in a relationship with an addict and not get sucked into enabling behavior. When somebody you love is suffering with an illness or a disease you naturally want to help. As a result, loved ones often step in to save the addict from the devastating consequences of their actions.

Is Codependency a Problem in Your Life and in Your Relationships? Take the Quiz To find out if codependency is a problem in your life, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions: Do you put others’ feelings, desires and needs before your own? Are you drawn to relationships with people who lack stability and/or are irresponsible in a particular area of their lives? Do you have a compulsive need to help, nurture, fix or control others? Are you always looking fo

The problem of relapse remains the major challenge in recovery. Because addiction alters the brain, the recovering addict may deal with drug-related memories, strong drug cravings, and diminished impulse control. This leaves them vulnerable to relapse even years after being abstinent.

Low self-esteem is a characteristic of the person from a psychological point of view, but nevertheless it’s a good idea to view it as a disease. It’s similar to a disease in the fact that it brings lots of negative impact in your life. From the overall feeling of worthlessness, through the increased chance of mood disorders and depression, and finally – the enormous amount of missed opportunities, low self-esteem can be the doom of proper development , advancement, and

Often times couples get so hang up in the business of running their life, attending to their family and other responsibilities, and working that being together, enjoying each other and having fun falls to the way side. This creates a terrible state of affairs where after a while couples forget how to have fun together … Too often I hear couples question whether they still have anything in common or if they ever did, wonder how to rebuild that into their relationship, and struggling with it once they do.

So your loved one finally accepts treatment. A wave of relief washes over the family. There is a glimmer of hope for a future free of the chaos. But the battle isn't over. Treatment is just the beginning. There is no cure for addiction. a good treatment program teaches the addict how to avoid the pitfalls of relapse, but it can not eliminate the cravings to use.

One version of couples struggling that I come across are couples with partners that are codependent. These are the couples that are stuck in patterns that they can’t seem to break, they have a lot of fighting and drama or complete disconnect (conflict avoiding), they feel they are behind their peers in terms of professional and relational achievements, and can’t seem to synchronize on handling the business of creating a joint life and getting their needs met. In these couples the partners show up in two ways:

How do we relate to others? One of the key aspects which influences all our interactions with others is the extent of unconscious co-dependent behaviour that exists in us. Ask yourself this question: Is there anything in my life, right now, that I feel anxious about? Do I feel responsible, in some way, for someone else’s feelings and/or needs? Or, try it this way: Is there any anxiety in me that isn’t about me wanting control of someone’s perception of me because I believe t

Prologue from My New Book FINE…LY: MY STORY OF HOPE, LOVE, AND DESTINY I believe that there are divine reasons for the pregnant pauses in our lives; the times when our life seems to come to a screeching halt and we are rendered powerless over it. Those are the times we should pay especially close attention, for those junctures may be the most profound times in our lives. Though painful, those intervals cause us to sit quietly and come face to face with our true selves. They

Relationship addiction is becoming recognised more and more as a serious problem requiring careful co-dependency counselling. Co-dependency in general terms means two parties in a relationship based on a mutual dependency. Most relationships have a mutual level of healthy dependency. However, some relationships can become addictive, toxic and extremely unhealthy to the point where the relationship addiction begins to affect both parties negatively.nn What is Co-Dependency? nC

When we look outside for self-definition and self-worth, we are giving power away and setting ourselves up to be victims. We are trained to be victims. We are taught to give our power away.

If you love an addict, or live with one, or depend on one in some way, you are probably in, as the old saying goes, nine kinds of pain. And I’m guessing that, whether or not you realize it, the very worst of these pains comes from being confused about the difference between power and control. No, they’re not the same. In some ways, they are opposites. One difference is: power is possible, but control is usually an illusion. Another is: seeking power can set you free, while seeking control can make you crazy. Let me explain.

One of the reasons for the success of the 12 Step programs is that they are based on solid principles that can be applied to many areas of life, and that includes business. A successful company takes stock regularly and turns liabilities into assets. Here are some guidelines for applying the 12 Step principles for managment conflict and resolution in business situations, whether with systems or people. nn 1. Admit there is a problem. nn The very first step in dealing with any

To run a business successfully embracing a new challenge every day is. It indicates exciting to be on the way out to overcome obstacles while keeping ahead of their competitors. Every day is a new plan and new strategies, and objectives must be met with. But some key aspects of running a business, monotonous and repetitive work may be required on a regular basis, but may be impeccable accuracy. A range of work required, but necessary for effective management of the company th

Prescription painkillers, such as Hydrocodone and Oxycontin (both opioids), are highly effective in relieving chronic pain. This is why they are often the first choice in treatment by pain management doctors. Although these drugs are legal when properly prescribed, they are chemically similar to heroin, and can be just as addictive.

Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true "treasure chest" worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!! To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the "gems on the rough" - the hidden treasures. Hidden Treasure #1 - Potential to Heal:

Being seen and accepted for who we are is a basic need that specially plays out in our relationship. I find that the driver behind most conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships has to do with the partners feeling they can't be themselves in one way or another.

Do you know when you get on your partner’s nerves? There is a general underlying theme to the complaints couples usually share and that is that their partner is being egocentric. Egocentrism gets in the way of witnessing our partner’s beauty, gifts and contributions. It keeps us trapped in our mind’s machinations and delusions keeping us from Being our Authentic Self. Egocentrism prevents us from connecting with our partner and from having the relationship we want.

Yesterday afte oon I was in my car, and a song that I hadn’t heard since I was a kid came on the radio. I was surprised that I could remember every word. Where had I been storing that? I started thinking about how amazing the mind is. It houses all of the memories of our past, and then, as quickly as hearing the tune of a song, can retrieve them as though they happened yesterday.

Couple relationships experiencing difficulties can be categorized into two broad styles of relating: temperamental or tenuous, and can fluctuate between these extremes. These relationships are not satisfying, and not likely to succeed – enjoy couples’ inherent synergy, as the partners are spent in their constant efforts to address the impact of their relational style.The partners might feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the level of reactivity in the temperamental relating and/or sad and alone by the distance in the tenuous relating.

This is the time of year that we may get That Christmas Letter from someone who is so successful or seemingly perfect that you think they must have reached celebrity status by now. Do they ever tire of telling you how perfect their life is, how their absolutely perfect children are excelling in school or sports, and Hubby is being promoted, also Wifey is state president of the PTA, their wonderful vacation to wherever-it-is-that-is-fashionable-this-year, year after year, la l

Prescription drug abuse is the most rapidly increasing drug abuse among teens. In 2009, more than one third of teens said they can get prescription drugs to get high within a day; nearly one in five could get them within an hour. Parents set the example and help to create the beliefs their children develop about drug use. Parents must teach their teens that using over-the-counter or prescription medications to get high or alter their mood, is just as dangerous as illegal drugs. It is also against the law for an individual to use prescription medication without being properly prescribed.

Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true treasure chest worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!! To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the gems on the rough, the hidden treasures. Hidden Treasure #1 – Potential to Heal:

Often times partners share their wondering about how exclusivity, monogamy, and fidelity is possible in a longterm relationship. It is usually the male partners who pose this question when their female counterpart is not present.

I read a while ago, and found it applicable to many areas of our life, that we can handle as much as the span of your wings. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that God, the Universe, doesn’t bestow (good or bad) onto you more than you can handle? We can use this concept well in our growth, healing and thriving Journey.

Do you find sometimes that when you are doing well or feeling amazing that you question it? That you hold yourself slightly back to prevent disappointment later, because it might just be too good to be true? Well, I had this bad habit for the longest time. Sometimes, I still catch myself going there, and of course immediately course correct. For I’ve learned that’s not too good to be true, but that’s how it’s supposed to be… Enjoy it when you feel it!

Are You Showing Up in Your Relationship these Holidays? The Holidays are always a difficult time of year for people for many reasons. At the risk of adding to the plethora of writing on this topic, I still feel called to share with you how you can use this time as an opportunity for change and creating an amazing life and relationship. I invite you to look at the Holidays not as something to endure, get through and manage, but as a fertile ground of new possibilities.

With the 4th of July just around the corner, I usually like to write about Freedom around this time. I was inspired to write more about feelings, emotions and their relationship to Freedom… It is an obvious fact that some people are very emotional and others barely even notice how they feel… Emotions have to do with feeling in the body, and feelings have to do with naming the emotions and owning them with awareness.

All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own fashion.” From Anna Karenia by Leo Talstoy Mental illness in a family may be passed down from one generation to another. It can be hereditary or acquired. It may come from stress, brain injury, traumatic experiences, child abuse, substance abuse, a chemical exposure, organic causes or a family coping pattern. Statistics show that one in every four people has a short or long term mental or emotional illness.

Years ago I sat in a supervision group with a group of collages in which we discussed various cases. We were all new at this counseling thing, and frequently brought our “worst” cases to the group for any sort of help we could get. One particular day someone brought up a couple they were counseling, and reported they were at a horrible impasse. The therapist had tried communication skills, Cognitive Restructuring, Family Sculpting……. I think you get the idea. The couple just

Continuing with our Freedom theme, picking-up where we left off with reparenting around Fathering/Discipline (to reprogram ourselves), and combining it with more Summer goodness. Why not?

Break the Rules Preventing an Awesome Relationshipr Do you experience déjà vu, broken records and same old stories in your disagreements with your partner? Do you feel stuck and find yourself repeating patterns and fights without knowing how to break the impasse? You are not alone … This is an unfortunate common experience in relationships. I have cracked the code for breaking the impasse … and want to help you apply this in your relationship. There are three steps to this process: 1) Recognizing the pattern (observation and acknowledgment)

Codependent behavior is not actually classified as a disorder by most doctors or the medical association. It is listed as a group of behaviors that are maladaptive. This indicates that the codependent person ignores the problem, such as stressful thoughts and circumstances, and attempts to ...

There is truly nothing better than a full heart… When we appreciate, recognize, and are Grateful we Transcend to a higher estate infused with joy and bliss… If you are looking for the magic bullet in life, this is it… We can do our Gratefulness Practice for two reasons: One, because it just feels great and has a major positive impact in our life. Two, because being appreciative, thankful, and acknowledging makes others feel good. This is a win-win.

Thoughts for Growing through Prayer Steps to SerenitynnCame to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. — The Second Stepnn“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds.” declares the LORD, “because you are called an outcast.” — Jeremiah 30:17nnIn the Second Step to Serenity, Day 8, in my book "Prayer Steps to Serenity," I wrote, “I joyfully believed and affirmed that a Power greater than myself could substantially heal my

It’s amazing how often I hear that people don’t have the time to do self-care… When their lives literally depend on it… I’m not sure if they look at self-care as a luxury – like having a spa day or laying on a chaise eating bonbons – that they shouldn’t have? But really, in this day and age to not prioritize self-care when it at the very least increases resilience? I look at self-care as a duty and a responsibility to ensure our wellbeing, and our ability to show up with our Best Self and create the relationship and life we desire… It is our duty to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…

Are you taking advantage of the incredible insight of your dreams? If not, you should be. Your dreams are full of wisdom. It is one of the ways that your inner guide speaks to you. Some people don't think that they dream, but everybody does. Many times, dreams are just forgotten within moments of waking up.

Codependency can often cause individuals to lose themselves in their relationships. They ignore their own feelings, needs and problems. Instead, they choose to obsess over the person that they "love." They are obsessed with the other person's feelings and needs. Although you would think that ...

When I was young, they told me that being selfish was bad. They said that I should think of others first. I didn’t understand. What did they mean and why did they say that? I felt the terrible burn of shame when they said I was being selfish and self-centered. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong. I was only trying to tell them what I wanted, was trying to get what I wanted or get more of what I wanted. What was wrong with that?nnSince that time, I have turned all

This is an interesting question, because there are some mental health professionals, as well as family heads, that believe codependency is a myth and that there is nothing wrong with “excessive care.” The belief is that while some people may find overbearing family members or friends troubling, ...

If you are looking for codependency information then you may have noticed that the definition of codependent can imply many different behaviors and symptoms. The essence of the codependent definition is that a person will demonstrate excessive caring, to the point that it is inappropriate or ...

One of the love languages is Words of Affirmation (book referenced above). Words of affirmation come in many forms including praise, acknowledgement, credit, recognition, validation, compliments, and appreciation. Each of these are a gift in and of themselves. When you use these, you show your partner that you notice and see them, appreciate them, like and accept them, that you are proud of them, that you cherish them, that you understand and get them.

Codependents sometimes seem almost misplaced. You seem to have a hard time relating to whom you truly are and for that reason you have a hard time setting boundaries. You have a hard time saying no to people and you let people cross the line of what should be your boundaries and hurt you. You tend to lose your sanity, your self-respect and yourself within relationships. It is not wrong to give to others. It is when others take more than you are willing or able to give them t

Understanding codependency characteristics first involves understanding where this behavior comes from. Like any pattern of behavior, codependency is learned from family members. Codependency is a survival characteristic, one that is used as a coping mechanism with stressful situations. Much ...

Take a close look at the life of any person struggling with addiction, and you will likely find at least one family member or friend 'helping' that person. Somebody making it easier for the addict to continue in the progression of their disease. This behavior is called enabling. The problem is that this form of helping is actually hurting.

Data processing services-rnTo get proper information in specific and require data format and process your data which can be understand by people. In the most of BPO (business process outsourcing) companies, converting your data (information) into right data format which is known as data processing services and also a very important part of the BPO Company. There are many types of data process are available in the BPO industry such as check processing, insurance claim process,

When we are "too close", whether we are getting along or not … , we can't see each other. If we can't see each other, how can we possibly decide if we like each other and feel attraction? This concept is confusing to most, when we live in a society where relationships struggle and the ideal is based on fairy tales and believing our partner should be our best friend.

By Sam Vakninr Author of "Malignant Self-love: Narcissism Revisited" The narcissist’s False Self is grandiose. The narcissist seeks to maintain his inflated fantasy of himself. He denies, slices and splits off, and “evacuates” or projects onto others emotions, cognitions (thoughts), traits, impulses, behaviors and qualities that contradict and contravene it. In the idealization and devaluation phases, the narcissist also attributes to his sources of primary or secondary narc

After two decades of addiction, my husband, Dean, had finally accepted treatment. He was on the right path and ready to begin a fresh start. As he returned home, clean and full of hope, the joy I felt for his long-awaited recovery was joined by the sobering reality of debt. Years of addiction had taken it’s toll on our finances, and it was difficult to deny the anger and resentment that surfaced along with the overdue bills and collection letters.

Are You Abandoned or Smothered in Your Relationship? Couples get stuck in how they relate in their relationship and no matter how they try to get unstuck, to meet their needs and to create a satisfying relationship, they just get more and more buried in dissatisfaction.

What if I showed you some simple ways and tactics that will help you to generate more traffic from your articles? These 3 simple steps when applied will help you to get all the free traffic you will ever need to promote your website from article marketing. Make sure you apply all these 3 steps in all the articles you write from now on. These 3 steps will make sure to drive storms of visitors to your website from your articles for years to come.nnThese 3 steps when applied on

Before seeking help with conquering codependency, you must first understand the condition and identify if you really have a problem with it. Codependency is defined as a group of behaviors related to the idea of excessive care taking. While loving someone too much should not be reason for ...

Renewing your mind can result in a different attitude towards life: you will go into situations with a stronger resolve, a more peaceful spirit, and you will solve problems more effectively. The calmer and more serene you are in your own mind, the better you will handle the stress that crops up ...

"I spent most of my life doing the Serenity prayer backwards, that is, trying to change the exte al things over which I had no control - other people and life events mostly - and taking no responsibility (except shaming and blaming myself) for my own internal process - over which I can have ..."I spent most of my life doing the Serenity prayer backwards, that is, trying to change the exte al things over which I had no control - other people and life events mostly - and taking no responsibility (except shaming and blaming myself) for my own internal process - over which I can have some degree

From TheTransitio ProcessTM Interactive Lecture HOW TO ATTRACT EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE The following is a list of The 20 Do's and Don'ts of A Functional Relationship. It has been an effective tool and starting point for individuals and couples who are serious about creating more joy, honesty, and real intimacy in their lives. Most often clients they say this list has given them a beginning template of what a functional relationship should look like. Hierarchy of A Functional Relationship Intimacy Love Respect Trustr Truth

I have a true story for you. My stories are always based on what I experienced. Very recently a mother came to me with her daughter, she said to me, “Tell my daughter the story of the garden.” This greatly surprised me because I had not thought of that story for a long time, and most of a year had passed since I told it to the mother. So, I began:r

The season of renewal is finally here and with it comes an invitation to awaken to life. Note the blue skies, the sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming. What an enchanting time to be alive. The possibilities are countless.

Honor your Self. What does that mean? In my book, it means getting in touch with our Core, True, Authentic Self, our Soul, and operating from it in all we do.

When we are in a vulnerable place, triggered, overextended, overwhelmed, stressed, hormonal, whatever, we function from a less than resourceful state and therefore can very easily fall prey to negative thinking, victimization, sabotaging, undermining, deprecating, blaming, abuse, neglect, and rejection of self and others. When in this state we cannot see the good, the beautiful, and what is working. We only focus on the bad, inviting more bad...

The idea of detachment mesmerized me when I heard about it in Al-Anon. To let go of the ones you love seemed unloving and uncaring and certainly not Christian. But it also seemed to be the NIRVANA you could reach even while living with an alcoholic. I detached from my alcoholic father by leaving home. And then detached from my first alcoholic husband by divorcing him, but as I was stuck in my second marriage wondering how in the heck I did this AGAIN, I truly got it.

We all have dreams, wishes and goals. There are things we want for ourselves, our partner, our family. Sometimes though we find that it is difficult, if not impossible, to make our wish a reality. We may want to start a new business, go back to school, learn a new trade, pick up a new hobby or project, throw a party, have the house a certain way, keep fit, enroll in activities with our children, have more intimate and fun moments with our partner, having another child, etc. But life gets in the way and we just dream about these and never see them materialize.

You have to be happy with yourself first… You cannot be happy in your relationship if you are not first happy with your Self… If you are not your Authentic Self, your Soul Self, you are just a robot completing daily tasks and missing the whole point of life… This is not Living… What is the purpose of your Life? Why are you alive, today, right now?

I often find that couples hold a fairy tale expectation of happily ever after, for which I chide them. I dismiss this notion not because it seems unrealistic, but because couples go about creating their fairy tale all wrong. For you see, “happy endings” are possible… This is called unconditional Love…

Money. Money is a hot topic in many relationships as there are intense emotions attached to money as well as a range of meaning around it. Partners have different ideas about the importance of money, what it means to them, its purpose, its role, how to manage it, and even how to earn it! Couples are made up of two individuals that have different backgrounds, exposure, experience and relationship with money. Their parents had different relationships with money and gave them different messages around money. Partners form different patterns and habits in their management of money.

When was the last time you were physically intimate with your partner? If you say a long time, you are not alone! A lot of couples share their sexual life is in the toilet. They struggle getting along, among other things, to the point that being physically intimate is the furthest thing from their mind. Getting along is a big priority for these couples. They experience a lot of fighting, a lot of distance or a rollercoaster of both.

There is a tendency towards passiveness in our relationship as time passes. Couples get comfortable in their routine, whether it is an efficient and satisfying routine or not, and lax in their relating, whether they are on the same page or not. They settle into whatever relating they have developed and stick with it, becoming more and more passive in their efforts to keep passion, interest, mystery, and seduction alive.

Anger is a poison in our relationship when it is misunderstood and unleashed. It gets in the way of understanding, connectedness, intimacy, love, and satisfaction in our relationship. Anger in its explosive or simmering manifestation, is a sign that something is wrong when it is prevalent. This indicates that there is pain and dysfunction in the relationship and that something needs to change.

Fun is important in our relationship. Having fun releases different chemicals in the brain that engender good feelings which get then associated with our partner. This is a good thing. Having fun with our partner should be a priority in our relationship. We can get huge returns on this investment! It is difficult at times to remember to have fun a sad state of affairs but very common. Couples get stuck in their routines and getting through their days managing their responsibilities as best they can that they consume all their energy and resources leaving little for the couple itself.

I thought if I played by the rules and did everything the way THEY said I should like a good little Catholic girl, I’d feel safe. I’d grow up, get married and have lots of kids like my Mom and live happily ever after. Why would I even think that since Mom wasn’t living happily ever after? I swore I would never marry a guy like Daddy – a raging alcoholic. But I did.

One characteristic satisfied and successful couples have in common is that they are part of each other’s lives. Duh-ah! I’m sure this does not come as a surprise. The trick though is how the partners are part of each other’s lives.

Years ago I sat in a supervision group with a group of collages in which we discussed various cases. We were all new at this counseling thing, and frequently brought our “worst” cases to the group for any sort of help we could get. One particular day someone brought up a couple they were counseling, and reported they were at a horrible impasse. The therapist had tried communication skills, Cognitive Restructuring, Family Sculpting……. I think you get the idea. The couple just

You might not have a chance if you keep this up: A tendency to look for weaknesses, gaps, holes, things to improve, deficiencies and the like, and miss the boat on capitalizing on strengths in your relationship. We bring this tendency to how we view our partner and how we relate with them. We look for their shortcomings, what they forget to do, what they could do better, and what else they can do for us. We use a lack and negative expectations lens. We filter our experience to prove our negative expectations. We expect our partner to fail before they even try.

It is very painful to experience betrayal in our relationships. I am primarily referring to betrayal by loved ones. This is the most painful betrayal. Betrayal may happen in many different forms and can be experienced by anyone at anytime during their life timernr

It’s very interesting to me to watch couples struggle and go around and around… I find that this happens with the ones where partners refuse to take ownership of their own contribution to their relationship’s status quo and are fixated with having their partner change… These are the partners that also are waiting for the magic pill and for me to fix their partner. I have a bit of news for these partners – it ain’t gonna happen!

After the infatuation and dating stage, fun and romance doesn’t just happen in relationships. Great committed relationships don’t just happen. We have to put in conscious effort to create the relationship we want. Here are some tips for creating and enhancing your intimacy, romance, passion and fun with your partner: 1) Make time for each other and for having quality time together. Pick a time of day that is just for the two of you. 2) Stay connected through out the day by sending each other inspiring, funny, cute, loving or sexy emails, cartoons, cards, notes, etc.

Being parented by imperfect parents/caregivers is considered a traumatic experience of childhood in some of the trauma and attachment literature and information I have come across. This includes being abused, abandoned and/or neglected to various degrees.

One would think that connecting with our partner is an easy feat. After all they are the one person we are supposed to be the most intimate with. This is most often not the case and we are actually not that intimate. I find that couples have a very difficult time connecting, feeling connected and staying connected, and their efforts at connecting sometimes create even more distance between them. It doesn’t have to be this way. First, we need to become aware of some of the ways we sabotage our attempts to connect and set ourselves up to be disconnected: 1. Being too busyr

Most relationships have to endure a history of trauma experienced by one or both partners and a current trauma(s). Traumas include abandonment, neglect, abuse, rejection, control, accidents, assaults/attacks, catastrophes, infidelity, infertility, loss, relocation, birthing and becoming parents, substance abuse, chronic illness, eating disorders, depression, extreme emotionality, obsessions, PTSD, unemployment, disability. Some of these are symptoms of a past trauma, but when experienced in the present they create a current trauma to the relationship.

When we think of codependence we think of it in terms of its association with substance dependence. We think of a partner who is codependent with a substance dependent partner. But this is not the case. Codependence can be a condition and state of being and dealing with life all on its own.

What is the Fun Quotient in your relationship? Couples have the tendency to become complacent in their relationship including the fun aspect of their relating. This is traumatic to the relationship as it stifles its energy flow creating a numb, stuck and disconnect feel and dissatisfied partners.

There is no better way to create wonderful memories and meaning in one’s relationship than with rituals. Rituals are a special way to show love, appreciation and importance for the partners throughout time in the life of the relationship. Relationships are made up of interactions between two partners which can be negative or positive. Their repetition provide the overall feel of the relationship. Rituals collaborate with this process.

IT'S NEVER TOO LATE TO BEGIN LIFE ANEW by Mary-Glen Scot. (Unpublished as of 4-13-05) 1496 words) Perhaps you may have recently suffered the tragedy of a sudden death of a loved one or you may have lost your home and all of your material possessions. Possibly even a combination of all of these sad events. You may feel you have no way out of your misery ¡ª no bridges to cross, no angels to carry you safely out of that pit of despair? I am able to empathize with you for I lost

Is lack of trust undermining your connection with your partner and wreaking havoc in your relationship? Lack of trust might extend to beliefs that your partner is cheating. Or it can be as simple as not trusting your partner to be there, follow through, keep their word, be accountable, get your back, do the right thing by you, be mindful, thoughtful, and honorable. The level of distrust has to do with our own insecurities, but also the level of our partner showing up authentically. When we both address our side of the coin this becomes a non-issue!

Not everyone who takes drugs in an addict or even likely to become one, just as not everyone who drinks alcohol is an alcoholic. In fact here are many who, notwithstanding the campaigns against both indulge in substance abuse. Students are especially fond of acquiring a skin full and making complete fools of themselves. And it is not unusual for many people to drink 1 or 2 at the office or at a pub after work. And so it is with drugs. In spite of the most outstanding efforts

Confusion and Disappointment of Love Addictionrn(Codependency Part One) written by Randi G Fine, originally published on Life As A Human Have you ever believed that you could love someone enough to fix whatever is wrong in their life? Do you have the ability or tendency to deny and rationalize away the obvious truths about the object of your affection, believing that your love is powerful enough to change the person? If you answered yes to these questions you may be a relati

Do you find that your interactions with your partner include some of the following? Poor or no eye-contact Giving of the back or talking to the back Talking to the air Not responding, acknowledging or answering questions Dismissing Shutting down, ignoring Withholding Lying Rejecting Forgetting Denying Shrugging of shoulders Rolling of eyes, giving the evil eye or staring down, huffing and puffing, sighing, sucking teeth Leaving, walking/turning away, or truncating discussionsr

Attune to Your Partner! What is a Successful Relationship?

Mind Your Own Side of the Fence!

Recovery is a term used in reference to illness and injury. In like manner, recovery can refer to a process of returning to health from a mental disorder or substance dependence. A recovery model is often used for addiction recovery, and stresses principles of hope, supportive relationships, ...

Recovering From Relationship Codependencyrn(Codependency Part Two) written by Randi G. Finer Originally published on Life As A Human Codependency is an emotional disorder that begins forming in childhood, but it does not reveal itself until a person starts having adult relationships. Codependents are people pleasers whom, for a variety of reasons, learned early on that placating others brought a semblance of order and emotional safety to their world. Though a variety of dy

It’s amazing how many partners know their partner loves them, but they still don’t feel loved… This is actually kind of an epidemic… Couples struggle because they get stuck in power struggles. They let their Ego get in the way. They approach their situation from a reactive and self-preservation place that only puts their partner in the defensive or offensive. Not allowing them to be open, responsive, or caring and able to meet their needs as desired.

Partners love telling each other what to do, how to behave, how to be, what to think, how to feel, and even things like what to eat and how to dress! They are on a mission to change their partner, consciously or not. This is a sign of lack of boundaries and personal ownership. Partners love owning each other instead…

What you are about to read is directed to those who suffer from back pain and those who love them. Much of what I'm going to tell you can be useful in all aspects of your life and for any difficult situation you may face.n nWhen dealing with serious back pain, you have to realize that your condition is going to have an impact on everyone around you and that it will be toughest on the one you love.n nI got an e-mail this morning and could not stand to go another day without te

Could it be that all of our problems stem from not listening to God? If prayer is talking to God and intuition is God talking to us, maybe we need to listen more. When I was in the midst of my crazy life with alcoholics from my father to my husbands, I felt abandoned by God because I prayed and didn’t get my answers. Now I realize I just wasn’t listening.

Couples run into trouble when the partners have different definitions of how things should be in their relationship. They operate under different assumptions, expectations, wishes and needs. One of the reasons for this is their Boundaries.

Chronic depression is a different state of mind than just the “blues”, which people of all ages must learn how to deal with. Stress and unhappiness are caused by physical or emotional stimuli. However, the average person can feel temporarily depressed and then return to a relatively stable ...

Most couples can revitalize their relationship after they’ve lost desire for each other and/or after being in their non-sexual relationship (10 sexual encounters a year (less than one per month) for a while, even for decades! This is good news! These dissatisfied couples loose hope of ever having an interesting, stimulating and satisfying relationship with their partner that includes a healthy sexual component. This does not have to be the case!!

Share Good Vibes With Your Partner

How does this happen? Here we are loving a person and doing our best to show them we love, cherish and want to be with them to fail miserably at conveying that message. This is even worse when compounded by difficulties and lack or relationship skills partners bring to the table.

In a recent two-part interview, "Finding a Therapist" and "What's the Best Kind of Therapy for You?", Marcia Perlstein offered her views on what to look for in a therapist and how to assess the type of therapy one is getting. Like Marcia, I, too, am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, ...

Take The Quiz To find out if you are suffering from relationship codependency, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions: Do you put others’ feelings, desires and needs before your own? Are you drawn to relationships with people who lack stability and/or are irresponsible in a particular area of their lives? Do you have a compulsive need to help, nurture, fix or control others? Are you always looking for the potential in others, rather than accepting others

Be Awesome With Your Partner!

There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.

Are you using the parts you love about yourself in your relationship? Do you bring the best out in each other? Do you complement and learn from each other? Are you a team working towards a common goal? Do you stimulate each other? What is the underlying theme to your interactions with your partner? Is your essence present in your relationship? Or do you hide behind funny coping? Do You get lost in the shuffle?

When we are babies we learn to get our needs met by alerting our parents of a poopie diaper, hungry belly, or an ouchie with our crying. As adults, we continue to try to get our needs met with our �crying�. Our crying has become more sophisticated over time and now takes the form of criticism, nagging, put downs, and jab!!

You are a special person with a lot to give: affirmations will allow you to focus on the positive things in your life, by repeating positive phrases that will train your brain to think positively. An affirmation will reassure and relax your mind and body. Here are some useful affirmations that ...

I have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less… So, what’s the point?

A key ingredient in a satisfying relationship is Understanding. When we don’t feel understood we are out of sinc with one another and our needs can’t be met. Understanding validates our existence, is respectful and mindful. It is amazing that most people do not have this necessary ingredient in their relationship. One reason for this is that people confuse understanding with agreeing. When we understand someone, our partner, we do not necessarily need to agree with them.

People usually marry for love. A new phenomenon, only a couple of centuries old, in the history of the institution of marriage and in this culture. I say "usually" because sometimes people just get married because that is the thing to do, again speaking from today's and this culture's context.

Auckland dentists offer you the best in dental health care. They are quality dentists that cater to your dental health requirements. Each patient's requirements are unique; the decision of choosing one becomes very difficult when there are too many options available. You have to research your choices so you can choose the best dentist Auckland for your needs. The importance of dental hygiene is on the rise nowadays so it's no big surprise you have come here because you do not

I find that we make poor choices at almost every turn and then wonder how come our relationship and life are not as we’d prefer them to be I find that we do not own our Self and our life, that we do not know who we are and what we are meant to do I find that we do not take the time to design our relationship and our life. I find that we are not intentional about creating the relationship and life we desire. I find that we do not Live in the moment and create a fabulous relationship, and life, in every momentrnr

I think romance is underrated… I hear couples express they want romance and to be romanced, but they state it with a sense of shame, wishful thinking and as an unattainable outcome. They off-handedly claim their wish in the same sentence that dismisses it with the practicality of everyday life. Yuck!

Couples frequently come to my practice expressing that they have lost something or that something is missing in their relationship. They complain there is no passion. They share that they are good friends, but want something more in their relationship. A lot of these couples have a sexless relationship (having sexual intimacy less than one time per week) and want to express and feel their love in all realms including the physical.

Our body is our most important possession. It houses, protects and enables our most precious possession our brain. Our brain creates and generates our mind and the essence of us. It makes us who we are on a daily basis. It is the CEO of Me, Inc. It is the master mind of our life. Some say it is where our soul resides.

Couples usually end up accepting the lack of desire and passion in their relationship as a fact of life for a longterm relationship. They are not happy or satisfied with this, but their attempts at remedying their lack of (passionate) physical intimacy don't usually succeed.

In my recent reading I have come across a piece of writing that has made me think of sexuality and physical intimacy from a different angle. I love when that happens! Give me material that sparks my creative juices and that I can integrate into my work for greater impact, and I’m a very happy camper. This is what tickles me!

The body has been likened to a temple – you must care for your own body with the same reverence and devotion that worshippers do when they care for their temples and churches. This devotion to yourself may feel strange and selfish, but it is just the opposite: only when you are healthy ...

We are what we think. We create what we think. What we resist persists. What we focus on expands. We are super powerful creating creatures… Our mind is a honing device for creating, a GPS for getting places… We create what we think whether intentionally or not.

Usually we have good intentions and mean to invest in our relationship. Somehow this fizzles from the moment we have that thought or attitude to the next moment… We are very fickle in our thinking about the status and course of our relationship. One moment we are partners for life, the next we can’t wait to get rid of our partner… I see this day in and day out…

The Path to Passion & Synergyr One characteristic satisfied and successful couples have in common is that they are part of each other's lives. Duh-ah! I'm sure this does not come as a surprise. The trick though is how the partners are part of each other's lives. Partners have difficulties negotiating what this means to them and integrating a healthy approach to togetherness and couplehood. Keep reading to learn more. SUCCESSFUL COUPLESr Get On the Same Page & Create a Satisfying Relationshipr Created by Emma K. Viglucci, CFT, LMFT, CITr Marriage and Family Therapist, Writer and Speakerr

I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days. They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there. Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!

Meditation is actually a spiritual practice, and one that you can use anywhere. Nad it is a practice that creates inner peace. Inner peace, of course, is not tangible. But is a spiritual par t of our existence, which is reflected in your character and outlook on life. Self transformation and ...

The bottom line of the romantic relationship is feeling connected, loved and acknowledged. This is what we strive for in our relationship. This is of course not the only thing we want out of our relationship, but it sure is one of the top ones! This explains the need to partner up in life. We are social beings and need to live in relationship.

Without our jobs we can hardly make a living, it is important to work, but in some situations, changes have to be made to adjust and save your mental health. Working every day at a job keeps you active, you can sustain a better social life by interacting with others out there, and if you love your job then you are on a good lane. However, some people find it difficult to identify positive additions to their lives while working. Every day seems like a burden waking up and goin

Here are more specific tips to finding a diet that will sustain your body in stressful times, and contribute to a sense of peace and wellness: • Eat a diet composed of 50 to 75 percent raw foods. Free fruits and vegetables not only supply valuable vitamins and minerals, but are rich in ...

Gators and other wild animals have gotten the extravagant of many pet and emotional support animals. These animals are considered as outlandish pets by numerous and pay a great many dollars to bring them home. In any case, is it extremely justified, despite all the trouble? Is bringing these wold animals home is a reasonable and advantageous choice? We question it. Gators, snakes, crocodiles, tigers, lions, and bears are wild animals and in numerous states, keeping them as pe

Unless we live in a cabin isolated from the world, grow our own veggies, and paint all day, we pretty much rely on our left brain (logical, technical, verbal brain) to live our lives, and even then we would still need our left brain to carry out life’s most basic functions. It is when we predominantly use our left brain and shut out our right brain experience (instinctual, intuitive, empathic, feeling, creative brain) that our existence is out of balance and we don’t do so well.

What makes your relationship special? What is it about your relationship that makes you happy? What do you appreciate the most about your partner’s essence? How does your partner’s essence enrich your life?

Here is the thing, a lot of people don’t know how to be High Performers, the Masters of their lives. Most people don’t know how to create the most from their lives by increasing productivity, creativity, peacefulness, joy, love and connection… They don’t know how to stay healthy, have increased vitality, and feel amazing most of the time… Actually, they might know but haven’t learned the self-discipline to pursue this with gusto for great results…

Have you noticed that when you are really close to what you want or to the next level in your life, things seem to go wrong?

I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days. They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there. Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!

Our body is not just a receptacle that houses our Self. It is how the Self manifests itself. The flesh that we refer to as our body is actually all-knowing pulsating molecular energy. the material of the Self, our Being. Here we store information such as our histories, experiences, their impact, our wishes and desires, feelings, and have access to Knowledge, choices, best options, outcomes, a sense of others and community, and even love.

When we are in a vulnerable place, triggered, overextended, overwhelmed, stressed, hormonal, whatever, we function from a less than resourceful state and therefore can very easily fall prey to negative thinking, victimization, sabotaging, undermining, deprecating, blaming, abuse, neglect, and rejection of self and others. When in this state we cannot see the good, the beautiful, and what is working. We only focus on the bad, inviting more bad.

Sometimes we feel stuck and hopeless. We look at our life and relationship and wonder, What happened? This is not what I set out to create. Somewhere along the way you lost your path, you lost your self. And now, you have no idea where you want to go and how to get yourself there. You might even blame your partner for the lack of progress in your life and relationship. You can’t get your partner to do what you want. Stop trying. It won’t work – you can’t tell others what to do; they are not responsible for your happiness.

How Do You Show Your Commitment? I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days. They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there. Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!

The state of our country is kicking most of our people’s butts… If you’ve been feeling specially overwhelmed, tired, unmotivated, hopeless, cranky or such you are certainly not alone… We are just not used to this kind of sustained global impact on our way of life… It is taxing our emotional bandwidth… It is not conducive to thriving…

Every once in a while we need to acknowledge how far we’ve come in our relationship. Think back on how things were, when you were having a hard time in your relationship and had not started making a conscious and guided effort to make things better.

Most couples can revitalize their relationship after they’ve lost desire for each other and/or after being in their non-sexual relationship (10 sexual encounters a year (less than one per month) for a while, even for decades! This is good news! These dissatisfied couples loose hope of ever having an interesting, stimulating and satisfying relationship with their partner that includes a healthy sexual component. This does not have to be the case!!

While moving out of a family household can sometimes feel like a confusing experience, the truth is that a bit of planning can go a long way towards helping you claim your independence and purchase a new house. And as many new buyers are discovering, now is a great time to purchase a first home. Here are just four easy steps towards buying your own place, and why the process might be easier than you think! List Your Priorities To find a home that you can afford, you'll want t

What do you usually think of when you think of the f word? We probably both think of the same four-letter word, but for today let’s make our f word a more meaningful word. F is for Focus. F is for Freedom. I’ve written before that what we focus on persists. What we focus on either enables us or enslaves us. We have the power to create our awesome ongoing experience. All we have to do is choose. We have to exercise our freedom of choice. This applies to everything in our lives.

In our society Freedom is one of our most valuable assets and one we tend to take for granted. How we perceive and define our freedom is directly correlated to our sense of power and our ability to design the relationship and life we want. When we get stuck looking at our situation with a murky set of glasses and limited parameters, it is inevitable that we’d feel stuck, boxed in, without options, and even controlled. It is crucial to your well-being to explore your definition of freedom and expand your parameters. If you have a limited perspective, you’ll get a limited outcome!

Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something really badly? Whether you nagged someone to death to get it, or tried, rehearsed, or practiced incessantly you knew what it would take to get it and went for it. As kids we knew that repeating actions got results: learning to ride a bike, swim, dive, run faster or longer, speak another language, play an instrument, make baskets, ace tests, drive, beat a game, etc. Somehow as we got older we learned to expect quick results, or give up after a couple of tries. Long gone are the days of trial and error, persistence and perseverance.

Overcoming Codependency Balanced, healthy relationships are reciprocal—each person cares for the other, and each person also cares for their own self. Though each may depend on the other for things like love, companionship, and practical help they also provide these things to the other person. No relationship is perfectly balanced. However, healthy relationships include a dynamic of both give and take from each person involved. What is Codependency? Codependency can be def

Physical activity can clear your mind and keep stress under control. Some people like to run or walk by themselves, while others prefer team sports or group workouts. Any type of exercise will do the trick, as long as it is regular. Exercising once a month will not do much to relieve stress. ...

There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.

Happy New Year! The promise of new beginnings is just beyond alluring, is it not? Whether you are rocking it or are struggling, a new ride is just fun! We’ve had a heck of a 2020, and though there is light at the end of the tunnel 2021 is off to a slow start. I say we go with the flow, with tenderness and compassion. I say we glide into the new year with ease. Tenderness, compassion and ease does not mean taking it easy, being lazy or dragging butt! It just means doing it right and with finesse…r

Isn’t it sad that most couples are not happy or that relationships are barely working as the partners wish? I attribute this to a lack of courage, to fear. For you see, we tend to lead with our defenses, protection and ego in our relationship. We are not attractive when we use our porcupine mode to approach our partner. Then we wonder how come we don’t get what we desire.

It is a phenomenon when we feel energized, connected, and alive past the infatuation stage of our relationship.

It was incredibly nice disconnecting from the usual during our Spring Break… Even when life is grand it’s nice to change things up. I found myself not interested on being on my phone or any other electronic device. It was a struggle checking-in on things and people. It felt like being pulled from a magical dream. This experience was perfect as it resonated with today’s topic of Detoxing… You know I have to cover it as soon as Spring comes about. LOL Detoxing is a magnificent way of shedding off anything unwanted that has accumulated over time.

Money. Money is a hot topic in many relationships as there are intense emotions attached to money as well as a range of meaning around it. Partners have different ideas about the importance of money, what it means to them, its purpose, its role, how to manage it, and even how to earn it! Couples are made up of two individuals that have different backgrounds, exposure, experience and relationship with money. Their parents had different relationships with money and gave them different messages around money. Partners form different patterns and habits in their management of money.

People are obsessed with the difficulties in their relationship, they just keep thinking about it and hurting over it. They put too much negative mental energy into it. I don’t really blame them as I know it is very difficult and painful to be in a relationship that just keeps hurting them, but one gets out what one puts in. Negativity begets negativity.

Without even realizing or knowing how it happened sometimes couples find that they have gotten themselves stuck in a rut. This is very common and it can happen cyclically in the relationship. The couple’s rhythm inevitably sets this up to happen. Some things that affect this phenomenon include:

Do you find that you have so many demands and responsibilities calling for your attention and resources that sometimes you feel like crawling under a rock and going to sleep for a millennium? Do you find that everyone wants a piece of you? Your kids have practical, social, intellectual and emotional needs. Your home needs tending and your family life has a ton of minutia to be managed. Your social calendar, extra-curricular activities and other commitments grab at you at every corner. Your job, business, or profession takes the bulk of your attention and energy.

The Holiday Season is here! This time of year is usually challenging regardless of how crazy the world is out there. What makes this season usually more challenging is that we trip into it and get sucked into the hecticness. This sets us up for chaos, being stretched too thin, overwhelm, drama, and too much noise. Where we end up neglecting, and even abusing, ourselves trying to get it all done or managing what comes up... This is the perfect formula for us to turn to numbing for coping with stress during the holidays…r When we turn to numbing, we actually make things worse…

Does it feel like we are turning a leaf to you? It feels like that to me, so grateful, though we are still dealing with significant restrictions around here. I know some are feeling burnt out with all pandemic related topics and impact. I know some are enjoying aspects of the temporary new normal. I know some are still getting their bearings as this thing threw them for a loop. I know some days are better than others. I know most are wondering what the future brings…

The season of renewal is finally here and with it comes an invitation to awaken to life. Note the blue skies, the sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming. What an enchanting time to be alive. The possibilities are countless.

Partners look at what they contribute to their joint life as what they contribute to their relationship. These things usually include earnings and taking care of the family and home. But, what would you say you contribute to the relationship if you couldn’t include these? How do you invest in becoming a better partner? How do you nurture your partner? How do you nurture the relationship? How do you invest in feeling each other and creating intimacy? How do you invest in enjoying each other?

Giving in whatever manner tickles our heart is a significant path to feeling happiness. Our Giving doesn’t just touch others’ hearts and maybe even meet their needs with our gestures. Our Giving is also good for us. The act of giving and being generous stimulates the same neural network that light up when we feel physical pleasure… This week gives us a great opportunity to Give in additional ways. #GivingTuesday has become a significant part of the holiday experience. Did you participate yet? What causes are dear to your heart?

Couples that are experiencing a low in their relationship usually refer to it as having communication issues and not getting along. They bicker and fight, fights escalate and then there is shutdown, they don’t see eye-to-eye and can’t seem to get on the same page, they struggle to get their needs met, everything is a tit-for-tat or keeping score, and they just can’t enjoy each other. They feel disconnected and alone. Intimacy is but a faraway dream. Does this resonate for you? Are you wondering how to get back your connection and intimacy?r

We are just days away from Valentine’s Day. Are you embracing the Love Month? Is your whole house decorated pink like mine is? Haha, just kidding! You believed that though, didn’t you? Yes, I’m known to be a hopeless romantic and to love the Love Season. Yes, I love the pink and the red. And yes, I love the cliché things about VDay. I don’t love the commercialization of it, and when I encourage clients, subscribers and followers to embrace VDay I’m not referring to this aspect of it. I’m referring to taking advantage of this opportunity to play with Love. Why not?

Mid-March – how about them apples? Times flies when you are having fun, or are too busy! LOL Hopefully it’s the former for you. How is it going? Having a good week? Having a good month (March can be rough on people)? Having a good quarter…? As we are quickly approaching the end of Q1, this is a perfect time to check if we are on track for the year. This might be tough to face if you were slow getting started with your new year’s strategy.

When couples struggle it is very common to find that the partners have not yet found a way to honor and support each other in genuine, compassionate and generous ways. Partners share that they have tried it all and are tired of not getting anything back, getting their needs met, nor being able to create an awesome relationship. They participate in their relationship with an ego (fear-based, selfish, and self-centered) approach. These partners have difficulties letting go and trusting their partner.

I like to get into Spring Mode early to extend the warmer seasons as much as possible… It’s harder to do when the weather wants to continue to show its winter colors though. LOL But it’s nothing that a Spring Bucket List can’t fix! Are you with me? Let’s leave winter behind regardless of what is happening out there. I did some research on Spring Bucket Lists to prepare for this issue and found most of them a little basic and dull. I think you and I can create our own much better list. Are you up for it?

Many couples operate under the assumption that being in a relationship means to be bossed around, told what to do, and to loose their personal freedom and choices. I have heard references to young couples getting engaged as “he bit the bullet” and other similar degrading remarks. I’m sure you have heard before couples complain about how their partner wants to change and control them and references to partners being “trained,” “whipped,” “on a short leash,” etc. All these really set up the stage to struggle in one’s relationship.

Is lack of trust undermining your connection with your partner and wrecking havoc in your relationship? Lack of trust might extend to beliefs that your partner is cheating. Or it can be as simple as not trusting your partner to be there, follow through, keep their word, be accountable, get your back, do the right thing by you, be mindful, thoughtful, and honorable. The level of distrust has to do with our own insecurities, but also the level of our partner showing up authentically. When we both address our side of the coin this becomes a non-issue!

Have you noticed that when you are really close to what you want or to the next level in your life, things seem to go wrong?

Couples get stuck in how they relate in their relationship and no matter how they try to get unstuck, to meet their needs and to create a satisfying relationship, they just get more and more buried in dissatisfaction.

Have you noticed that whatever you are dealing with, more of it shows up in your life? It can even start to feel like the universe is playing a joke on you. Have you had that experience? Of course, it’s awesome when this applies to good stuff in our lives. Not so much when the repeating item is frustrating, painful or generally negative.

How are you doing? Hope you are keeping the momentum from the New Year going… As I’m sure you already know, right about now people start floundering with their New Year Resolutions, Intentions and the like… Tomorrow is the 3rd Monday of the New Year and known as Blue Monday… The end-of-year drive, the holidays merriment and the new year’s excitement all but come crashing down… This is when back to reality hits us like a ton of bricks.

As we witness our country get ravished by this pandemic, and what seems the worst is yet to come, we have to prepare to weather the storm. To ride the wave… To make sure we can hang on to hope, to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and to look for the silver lining… I know it’s very challenging to do that as things get worse.

Have you gotten over yourself, evicted your Ego, yet? Are you full steam ahead? Are you all in? Are you fully committed to really giving it your all, to throwing your whole Self in? Are you fully committed to kicking some serious butt, to creating an extraordinary life and awesomest relationship? Do these questions scare you? Do you feel a wave of terror cursing through your body? Do you feel your insides shaking? Do you feel frozen or paralyzed? Do you feel like a protagonist in a film playing in slow motion, or like you are walking in molasses?

Something that is amazingly striking is how vulnerable we are in all aspects of our humanness. And, how hard we can be on ourselves (and with others!) to top it off! In the stories I hear through the work, and also in plain old conversations with people, I hear the constant criticism, lack mentality, negativity, focus on what’s “wrong”, and the like. Gosh, it makes for an awful stay in that mental space rental. LOLrnr

Often times we say we want to do such and such, make this change, implement a new habit or routine, yet we don’t follow through or stick with it. This is because we are grabbing ideas out of thin air as they sound cool or as a result of a frustration. The impulsive nature of this approach almost guarantees we won’t stick with the idea. Regardless of how ingenious and awesome it is. To make changes and create what we want, we have to be driven by our Values.

As we welcome the month of Thanks Giving, I become more aware of my own Gratefulness Practice. I become more attuned to everything I’m Thankful for, and specially for what I might have been taking for granted. There is so much to be thankful for!

Let’s get ahead of the impact of the end-of-year hecticness by instead of anticipating stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, conflict and the like, and going into survival mode, let’s plan on Thriving during this time. Eh? The trick is to believe that this is possible, that you can do it and that you can do your life differently for more Peace, Joy and Abundance… Yep, change doesn’t just happen you have to be intentional about it… Here are options to consider playing with to help you get traction on this Path of Ease…

Oh boy, it’s that time of year when transitions are most prevalent. How do you manage transitions? How do you gear up for new phases, stages, developments, plans, routines, opportunities, seasons, and such?These show up in all areas of our life. Some of us do better than others at managing transitions well. Leaving something we know, or love, for something new is not always easy. Peeps who experience ADD have specially challenging times with this – switching gears is not easy.

Did you know that an important part of the Human Experience is Dreaming? And, I’m not referring about the dreaming we do when we are sleeping. Dreaming, having a vision, aspiring for something, yearning… This is what drives us forward and keeps us motivated… This is what keeps us engaged and Alive… This is where there is juice!

Unfortunately I get to see how partners get in their own way when trying to create connection and intimacy with each other. I can hear the noise in their head. I can see the wheels turning. I can see the gears grinding. I can see the squirrels running around, some even holding on to nuts for posterity… I can see the wreckage. I can see the black hole. I can see their pain. If there was a device I could put on to see in their head, I would get these images. But wait, there is a device that can see in our heads, that measures brain activity…

We bring a lot more into our relationship than we are aware. We are unique human beings with a unique set of history, parenting, socialization, wounding, and experiences. As we develop and journey in our lifetime, our uniqueness plays a role in all we do including how we relate to our partner. One of the characteristics that make us unique is our sense of our self. According to Harville Hendrix, author of Getting The Love You Want, our True Self, our original whole being we were born with, has been compromised over time just by the mere fact that we live in an imperfect world.

It is just the way it is for some couples. After a while they can’t feel their partner. They don’t feel loved and actually believe their partner doesn’t care about them. They feel like just roommates, two ships passing in the night. Others don’t even see each other at night! They spend so little quality time together that they forget to show up to their relationship!

Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves. Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience. This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death.

Unfortunately, the feeling of being stuck and feeling hopeless in one’s relationship is not uncommon. Many partner’s feel they are not compatible, they don’t enjoy each other’s company, and can’t see a future together… A sad state of affairs. Partners get to this point because they get entrenched in their own perspective losing sight of the other and the relationship, and the gorgeous potential... Once this is recaptured, they get along, get on the same page and get things done... They move forward creating their successful and radiant relationship!r

I have found that most relationship issues can be boiled down to taking personal responsibility and setting effective boundaries… This includes showing-up to our interactions appropriately by being intentional, mindful and compassionate. It doesn’t do anybody any good to show-up by ramming ourselves down others’ throats… That’s not actually showing-up… This is disrespectful and a boundary injury…

Sometimes we forget, or give up on, what we want to do… Sometimes we get side tracked or distracted and can’t seem to get traction… Sometimes we are afraid to follow are dreams… We believe we don’t have what it takes, and thus hold ourselves back. Can you remember a time in your life when any of these happened for you. Part of the reason this happens is because we don’t have enough personal ownership and self-Discipline. Because I knew I was getting ready to be ready (LOL) for this big project, I chose the Focus Term™ Discipline for myself when I was doing my year-end Strategizing… Eh?

In most relationships usually one partner wants more closeness and togetherness than the other. The partner that wants the togetherness and closeness derives their safety, meaning, and joy from being in relationship and in connection. They are the ones that do the “relationship work”, make the plans and keep the social calendar, they make sure everything in the home runs smoothly and that everyone has what they need, and are the ones that need to be in “touch”. When this is disrupted in anyway they don’t feel safe, confortable, grounded, happy, important or valued.

We leave freedom and independence to be celebrated on the 4th of July, and for politicians and policy makers to worry about. But freedom is a gift that should be treasured, cherished and protected in all contexts, especially in such an intimate and influential relationship in our lives such as our relationship with our partner. In our relationship, the ability to exercise our freedom is key to our and our partner’s wellbeing and that of the relationship. Without freedom your true authentic selves can not be in relationship and the relationship can not flourish and be satisfying.

I love new beginnings whether it’s a new year, a new season, a new chapter, or just a nice and simple refresh and reset… I believe these are amazing opportunities to take stock and plan anew to keep evolving and expanding ourselves and upleveling our life. This applies to all areas of our life, from personal to relationship to professional/business. A refresh and reset are great when feeling off and looking to increase connection in your relationship.r

I’ve had an interesting coming together of influences this week to inspire today’s topic (in the end only a minor detour from our Editorial Calendar). I had a request to write about addiction, and of course today is World Mental Health Day… So, I’ve decided to combine these and write about them in our usual context… [If you are in immediate need of assistance, please refer to the Hotlines provided here] There are a number of addictions that impact our Journey. The most common addictions that you might be familiar with, and possibly even have in your own life, include:

Yes, 2020 has been challenging. Yes, 2021 seems to want to start on a rough foot also… But we don’t have to let it! It is our job to create our best life regardless of what is happening out there, to the best of our ability… Today’s topic is the second step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. I’ll cover how to do closure, clearance and celebration for paving the path for the new year.

As we are transitioning into Back2School and the Busy Season, we are to step up our game to keep up with the faster pace, fuller schedules, and additional demands. And, as we are trying to rescue what’s left of 2020... Yet, we are going into the season already exhausted, depleted, and burnt out. Our surge capacity lasted only so long… Now we have to recharge ourselves to beat this draggy feeling and to turn this thing around. The key is in cultivating resilience.

A crippling state in relationships is when partners can’t seem to get each other and get on the same page. Partners struggle with being themselves, seen, accepted, recognized and embraced. I find when couples struggle is because the partners are having a difficult time honoring themselves and each other… The partners get busy trying to be seen, acknowledged, get their needs met and have their way that they lose sight of the other and shoot themselves in the foot with their approach. They encroach on their partner bringing about the opposite of what they are actually seeking.

Life is gorgeously full and a consistent invitation to approach what’s important with intentionality, ease, presence, and mindfulness. For in how we carry ourselves impacts the experiences we create, and the Journey we live… It is up to us to make it a good one every day. How do you measure your daily success?

Last issue covered aspects of Communication (from Element2-Communication & Alignment in our Successful Couple Strategy™), the prior covered Boundaries (from Element1-Context & Mindset)… Communication is such an important part of a successful relationship. It is a very basic skill that most partners botch in their relating. They are not aware of all the different things that impact their communication and getting on the same page. They are left butting heads and hurting each other instead of really getting, accepting and supporting each other.

Wow, the year is almost over! Here is a recap of the Season’s focus. In case you missed it, you might want to take a look at these to see what still applies and what you need to embrace to gracefully waltz into the New Year! Intentionally Plan Your Holidays And Year-End (setting up your HYP) Acknowledge And Celebrate Your Accomplishments (ASPECT 1 of HYP) Letting Go, Productivity And Meaningful Holidays (ASPECT 2 of HYP) Giving, Meaning And Success (ASPECT 3 of HYP) Giving To Yourself For Ultimate Success (Reinforcement for HYP)

Why do couples struggle enjoying downtime and having fun together? As we know, opposites attract. This phenomenon is also found in couples which means that usually partners have opposite personalities, needs, wishes and preferences – including what they consider relaxing, enjoyable and fun. This does not mean that your leisure time, your Summers or vacations are doomed. This does mean a need to intentionally plan your time together so you create a win-win experiences.

Are you victimizing yourself, or are you being proactive in your life? Pick something to take charge of, to focus on, and Focus on it till you get the results you want… Let’s do this! This applies to anything in your life, obviously your relationship as well… As I usually share, partners have a tendency to focus how their partner is being, how their partner is thinking or looking at something, how their partner is feeling, what their partner is doing, how their partner is spending their time, how their partner is grooming, how their partner goes to the bathroom (sarcasm)…

We know the Holidays and year-end can be stressful and triggering. We deal with this every year. But now we have the added pressure of a raging pandemic added to the mix. We have the sensitivities and aftermath of a close and tumultuous election. We have the flavor of what 2020 has been hanging over our heads. Hey, it makes sense that holiday thoughts are stressing you out, probably a lot more than usual.r

What positive and healthy tactics have you embraced recently that are having a good impact on you? That are allowing you to be your Best Self? As you might know, when we show up with the best version of ourselves, we can conquer anything… This includes creating our radiant, authentic and successful relationship. What does showing-up with our Best Self mean? It means we embrace a Relationship Enrichment approach, we: Set empowering effective boundaries so we honor ourselves and don’t get in each other’s wayr

It is a crazy time in the world, and it behooves us to take care of ourselves well to properly weather this storm and come out as unscathed as possible after this is over. Let’s make smart decisions and set ourselves up to actually thrive. Yes? Let’s do this also! The coronavirus pandemic is impacting every thread in the fabric of our lives from where and how we work, to how our kids are educated, to how much internet bandwidth we need, to what food we have available, to how we entertain ourselves. Even to how much toilet paper we have to wipe our butts. LOL (a little humor never hurts!)r

I love observing couples. I’m always intrigued by how they operate, especially if it works for them. I’m always learning from the couples around me. I’m in awe and inspired by couples that are dedicated and devoted to making their relationship work better. I’m honored to work with the partners I work with. Their commitment to their relationship and each other is unparalleled. I love working with them. Sometimes though, the things that partners tolerate surprise me. And, the things they find egregious doubly surprise me.

I’m a therapist… I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I’m a Certified Imago Therapist (additional training in doing couples work). Hence, I specialize in working with couples. I’m often asked what’s my niche, what’s my thing… I specialize in working with codependent couples (partners having poor boundaries and self ownership…). And, I further specialize in working with couples where apathy is ramped in their relationship. Where one partner is not involved, withdrawn, removed, difficult to engage, self absorbed and such.

Wow, we made it. The end of 2020… And, what a year it has been. Are you excited to close what some are calling the “lost year”? I actually refuse to look at it this way and choose instead to look at it as a Transition Year into our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… To that end, we’ve been closing and letting go of 2020, and getting ready to properly set up 2021. Today we’ll do the last step in this process: End-of-year vision, strategy and intention…

I can tell my couples how to do things till I’m blue in the face, but unless we play deeper change is not possible… I find that we have a tendency to look for immediate gratification, the quick fix, the easy way out, and the shortest path to the Promised Land. If this approach worked we would already be an amazingly evolved species… Unfortunately, this is not the case. This approach does not work. We have to be in it to win… We have to have skin in the game to get the desired outcome. We have to have our two feet in to walk and enjoy the Journey.

I know not everybody enjoys and thrives during the holidays. Most actually don’t and struggle. I’m sorry if this is you. Tackling our Holiday and Year-End Process™ (HYP) might help… I know that our clients that fully embrace this process fare much better than those that don’t when the new year comes around… If you struggle please Gift this process to yourself!

I’ve been knee deep in upgrading my personal routines and Wellness, Connection & Success Habits™. I do practice what I preach! LOL I’ve been having so much fun exploring and playing with resources to assist me with this current Theme. One of my targets is becoming even more paperless, now in my personal life as well. As you might know, I’m the queen of sticky notes. I pretty much run my life on a sticky pad (don’t judge me!). Yes, I have major platforms running my practice, teams, and even personal life – but I still need to capture, see and touch my immediate notes and to-dos on paper.

Yep, it’s official. We, NYS, have received the “Major Disaster Declaration”. These are tough times. How are you making out as this crisis continues to ravage our area and the world? It is imperative that we are extremely proactive in helping not spread the virus and that we are extremely proactive on how we set ourselves up to weather this storm… I strongly encourage you to read last week’s issue for the mindset and strategies for not only surviving but thriving during this terrible time. It’s on our Blog: 9 Tactics for weathering your quarantinernr

How do we create a masterpiece life? How do create an awesome relationship? The answer is quite simple, we change (grow, heal, step it up a notch, etc)… How do we change? We change by taking action on new information (or old information if you sat on your a** with it thus far)… Insight, information, learning, reading do nothing for us unless we take some kind of related action, unless we implement something different.

This brings us to our current topic lineup. So far, we’ve covered aspects of Repeating Patterns (from Element3-Clarity & Dynamics), Communication (from Element2-Communication & Alignment), and Boundaries (from Element1-Context & Mindset) in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Repeating Patterns tend to kick relationships in the butt. Dissatisfying and reactive patterns that is. This is where partners feel stuck, get discouraged and potentially give up.

The longer we are with our partner and the more time goes on, there is a tendency for complacency, laziness, neglect, taking-for-grantedness, and boredom in the relationship.

I’ve been writing about stepping it up and fully embracing showering your partner with lots of love. And, I wholeheartedly stand by my position to embrace the Valentine’s Day cliché. But, I also want to warn you that there is such a thing as Loving TOO Much… Now, this does not negate the concept I’ve been endorsing and encouraging. I do want you to be Super Nice to your partner. We usually do way too little of that…

We are at after the initial hustle and bustle of getting to back2school/business, and the accompanying anxiety, stress and overwhelm. We are at a time where the new routine starts to feel like second nature and can get into the groove. Where the energy of the season is inspiring, and productivity comes with ease… Where we can more heartily play with our Autumn Bucket List! Here is one to inspire yours. And, here are 10 Autumn Couple Date Ideas to consider: Cook Autumn Inspired Healthy Recipesr Go on a haunted hay ride or haunted house tourr Have a scary movies binge dayr

One of the major consequences of running our life on overdrive is the impact on our energy, not just its vibration but how much of it we have. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed (as have you, but might not fully know it yet!) with the ability to generate energy naturally. Even during the craziest times, I had loads of energy. Though looking back, it was probably partially fueled by my adrenaline and sugar addiction (i.e., hot chocolate and Oreos for dinner while working). Ha! And, Poor Energy has tons of consequences as you might already know!

Life is full of little wonderful surprises if we allow ourselves to see them and let them in… When was the last time you were delighted by the unexpected? Are you being flexible with your approach to life, work, schedule, perspectives? Are you letting your energy flow freely? Do you allow your life approach to energize you, sustain you, elevate you? This is how the magic happens… Embracing the new season, we know that Spring is all about what I call: The Five Rs – Recharging, Restoring, Renewing, Reinvigorating and Rejuvenating.

Our relationship has a purpose. There is a reason for our relationship why we chose the partner we did. People, in more recent times, usually say they got married, or are involved in their relationship, because they love their partner, and/or have also other logical reasons why they decided to commit and stay with their partner. These are not the real reasons for why they are in their relationship! These are either socially correct or superficial reasons, and are ways for them to understand why they are with their partner.

We are extremely powerful creatures created in God’s semblance. As we are all universally interconnected as energy and matter in the physical universe, we are omnipresent (present everywhere), omniscient (all knowing), omnipotent (all powerful) and we are Love itself. Now that is powerful.

What routine tweaks are you implementing for more peaceful and joyful days? What systems are you putting in place to have more ease and flow in your home? What ritual can you integrate to launch the new season with spunk? What habit will you put in place to start the new quarter strong? How will you make this quarter special?

In last week’s issue we covered Detox. Another Springtime favorite is of course – Spring Cleaning. I like to cover the usual topics from a different angle that include a personal growth/wellness and relational enrichment component…

New beginnings are super exciting, and this new season promises nothing less. Not only is it a new season, but it is also Springtime when things come alive. And, this Spring is meaningful as it marks a one-year anniversary of the still ongoing global pandemic but with it hope as the vaccine is being distributed. Newness is in the air. This is the perfect time for a relationship refresh and reset. What is a relationship refresh and reset? A relationship refresh and reset is a time for renewal. It’s a time for starting again with a shift from:r

I’m operating with a new mantra, Keep clearing. Doing another round of letting go of the old (like possessions, processes, ways of thinking…), and I’m seriously embracing the concept of entering a New Era… Feeling amazing… Yay! How are you doing?

We’ve done amazing work this month getting rid of the noise, creating spaciousness, revitalizing ourselves, and just refreshing for newness… When we clean up, when we create space, when we reorganize, when we get quiet, attuned, and inspired, then we are able to tap into new realms… We can tap into anything we want… The universe is the limit… Let’s discover the newness instore for you… We can Discover newness only when we are ready for it... If we continue to have, do and be the same old, we’ll continue to create the same old… Make sure you have Refreshed for Newness: ~Declutterr

Have you ever noticed that there are certain couples in your life that you love being around, and others that you dread or avoid? How do you think others experience your relationship? Do they want to be around you and your partner? Or, do you find that you each get invites to go solo? Is your Couple Brand™ what you want it to be? Does your Couple Brand™ need upgrading? Your couple brand is the flavor of your relationship. It’s also how your relationship comes across to others, and how others think of you as a couple.

Here is a collection of resources for the Season! Enjoy!! Newsletters: Peacefulness, Abundance and Givingr Don’t Just Survive the Holiday Season Books: On Personal Success, Motivation and Goal Achieving Happy Holidays!! ~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment Have a discussion with your partner about how to make the Holidays meaningful for you as a couple. Create a couple ritual that captures the essence of your partnership. Have fun! ~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!

rnYou should follow these simple steps to keep your tile and grout clean at all times. Keeping things clean is not rocket science, if you didn't clean up for a week you'd be dirty too. You may also need an additional scrub to clean yourself, as dirt builds up in dirt and makes things harder to clean. Weekly cleaning Cleaning the tile and grout weekly will prevent it from getting so dirty. It will help you break the habit of getting on your hands and knees every two months to

Last month of 2020! Let’s make it a good one! In this context, making it a good one means making the rest of the Holiday Season as magical as they can be, properly wrapping up this year, and setting up the new one for more success… Today’s topic is the first step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. It includes how to properly do end-of-year, decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right…r

How do you like to spend your snow days? Indoor or outdoor? Do you have any fun rituals or traditions? How can you make the time more special? Actually, how can you make your weekends more special regardless of snow?

With the hustle and bustle of the year end activities and holiday preparations and festivities, it is no wonder that we might feel a little over extended and perhaps have been neglecting our selves and loved ones. With the New Year just around the corner, it is time to shift gears and change our focus. It is time for fresh starts and new beginnings.

Boy, oh boy! Are people struggling right about now. If this is you, please know you are not alone and do not worry we’ll get you out of the funk soon enough! There are plenty of reasons for potentially not feeling well: Crunch time at work or business, spotlight on life success, overwhelm with the holidays, financial concerns, family-of-origin stressful dynamics and painful memories, relationship dissatisfaction or spotlight on relationship status, over commitment in all areas of life, poor health, fatigue or burn out, and so many others. Unfortunately, this is pretty universal.

I’m familiar with relationship struggles. I’ve had my share, obviously I’m not exempt, and this is what I work with day-in and day-out. I’m pretty intimate with the nuances of what troubles partners and what gets them stuck. For reasons that are beyond the scope of this article, I love working with couples. Couples are my passion. I’m intrigued by them and care about their wellbeing.

As with busyness comes neglect of things we care about, our partner is usually one of the first to go. This is very unfortunate as most would say that the relationship with their partner is one of the things they care about most in life. But, still they usually come in last on the priority list.

I say we focus on really enjoying the next two months and getting ourselves ready for weather what’s coming in the fall. Are you with me? What does this type of getting ready mean for you? For me it means:rn- Maintaining and upleveling my Self-Care Practice for great health, wellness, fitness, and vitalityrn- Clearing the decks of minutiae and distracting miscellaneous noise rn- Wrapping up any unfinished lingering tasks and current projectsrn- Putting in place and/or upleveling whatever support I need…r

A common complaint in relationships is partners feeling disconnected from each other. I hear this as one of the primary concerns couples present with in my practice, aside from fighting a lot and not communicating. As a couple is composed of two different individuals who have different histories, upbringings, personalities, ways of looking at things and processing information, styles of communication and many other individual characteristics, it is easy to get disconnected. This gets even further compounded with current dynamics and contexts if an effort to stay connected is not made.

I love this time of year! I love the coziness of the season, palette, and activities. I love making the holidays, from decorating to hosting to gifting. I love the urgency of getting projects done to wrap up the year with a bow.

How we do our days is how we ultimately do our life… Our life is but a collection of days… We can decide now what kind of life we want to have lived at the end of the day… When on our deathbed, what kind of highlight reel would we have to showcase? What kind of life do we want to have to show for our time on earth? What regrets do we want to make sure we don’t have? How will we have immortalized ourselves, how would we live-on in the hearts and minds of others? What would our footprint have been, what kind of impact did we make?

There is a multitude of ways in which we don’t embrace our Freedom… We can certainly imprison, subjugate and de-self ourselves with how we choose to live our lives. We pigeonhole ourselves through our mindset, perspectives, habits, lifestyle, job, career, marriage, home, community, religion, appearance, everything… We don’t realize that everything about us is a choice… Everything about us is a decision we made, or didn’t make, along the way…

Romance is not just for Valentine’s Day! Romance adds spice, texture and color to life. Unfortunately, most of us don’t utilize this much in our life and relationship. We get too comfortable and busy… This is probably one of the hardest muscle to exercise unless you are in the dating world, and even then you might feel challenged. I hear all the time from my single clients (yes, I do also work with single persons and individuals on attracting love and having an awesome relationship) how difficult it is to figure out what would tickle another person.

What makes us Us? What is the essence of our relationship? Is it the sum of You and Me? Of two separate entities committed to each other, hopefully, that positively, or indifferently, relate to each other? The essence of our relationship is made up of the connection between ourselves and our partner. The energy in the space between us.

Trust is very delicate and fragile and needs to be earned and developed, it is not a given. And, once it is achieved it is only transient. For it to survive it needs to be safeguarded and nurtured. It is like achieving our ideal weight and level of fitness. To maintain them we need to continue to eat healthy and nutritious foods and keep up with out fitness program.

Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have. This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…

The only Time that exists is Now which encompasses our past and future as we understand them. I’ll spare you the physics lesson, but suffice it to say that at any moment in time we create our own reality and have access to all the information we need… I’ve created a powerful tool, Imagine Visiting with our Future Super Successful (FSS) Self who shows us the ropes to create what we desire in all areas of our life. Mine is my cheerleader, counsel, guide, and coach.

Some couples experience a lot of discomfort, dissatisfaction and unhappiness in their relationship as the partners have a hard time syncing, seeing eye-to-eye, understanding each other and connecting. This is not just about hectic schedules or intense life styles, different communication styles, gender or other differences for as these are addressed the dejection remains… There is a human fundamental need that is not met for the partners in these couples. The need of being Accepted – to know that they are OK, that they exist, that they matter.

What are you striving for when you are in the pursuit of Balance in your life? Do you have a visual of a scale perfectly balanced in the middle? Are you looking to work 9-5 and then you are OFF? Are you looking to break down your day into thirds: sleep, work, live? What is balance? I believe striving for balance means finding an equilibrium in our life that is satisfying to us… That honors who we are and what we are about… This is what I call Work-Life Integration…

Whoever said that Halloween is just for kids and trick-or-treating? Yes, adults have fun too with the decorating, costumes, and parties. But I’d like to also suggest taking this a step further by using Halloween as a relationship-building tool. Why not? Why waste a perfectly set up situation with built in opportunities for awesomeness?

I wrote in the last issue about feeling like we are embarking in a New Era. Feels more and more like that every day. I’m so excited thinking on the fact that we are starting a whole new decade. We are at the beginning of a new huge chunk of time. It makes me dizzy to think about what this means. To step back and think of what I’d like to create in the next 10 years of my Human Experience… Looking at this New Beginning this way is humbling, and so super Inspiring. Have you pondered similarly?

How are you doing with your New Year Relationship Resolutions or Intentions? How are you doing with staying loving and nurturing post VDAY? Are you keeping up with your Connection Habits™? Remember that to create change we have to keep a focus on what we want to achieve, focus on the progress and the result (not the lack of!), and how to continue to invest, tweak, and course correct to make it happen.

As we already started diving into in last week’s issue, Fathering is a very important concept in our life. From “fathering” comes discipline, the self-discipline we need to really succeed at our life. How disciplined are you? Do you have systems or a mechanism in place to achieve your goals? Do you have goals? Do you have a strategy, a plan? We tackled this thoroughly for the New Year… If we don’t know what we want and where we are going, how are we supposed to get it and get there?!

Does your partner support you, romance you, engage you, enliven you, energize you, seduce you? Is your partner there? When couples are not on the same page, they tend to drift apart. They fight a lot, don’t feel each other, and don’t get their needs met. Partners appear invisible or have a negative presence.

What is the key to an awesome day? Yes, we can say that all kinds of good things happening to us would make the day awesome. But I dare challenge that notion as we don’t want to be at the mercy of good things happening randomly to us for us to have an awesome day. When good things happen, let’s of course enjoy them and be grateful for them. But let’s not hang our hat on that. Let’s instead create our awesome day- become the of Master your day! As usual, the key is to own your day… I’ve covered this concept from the idea of Designing and Owning our day:

We are responsible for absolutely everything in our life… When people struggle, they are quick to find the reasons and explanations for why things are not going as they would like. They usually end up pointing the finger at some external factor for why things are as they are…

Couples usually have a challenging time coming up with fun things to do as a couple. They have difficulties having fun in their relationship. And, they might struggle having fun with each other. Do you know how to have fun together? This is not unusual as partners have a tendency to focus on what they don’t like, an unfortunate product of our brain’s built-in negativity bias. They worry about everything that is not to their liking, about what their partner is doing or not doing, and how they themselves might not be measuring up… These are the scripts running in their head…r

It’s been a wonderful Season so far of clearing, replenishing, and resetting ourselves. As we move into the lovely holiday weekend with Passover and Easter, if you observe, we can expand on the meaning of the holiday beyond the religious message. I love to experience this time as a time for new beginnings… A time for rebirth, for freely pursuing our heart and our dreams, for beginning anew, for blooming, for thriving…

Whether there is a lot of fighting and bickering or quiet discontent and separateness, most couples struggle in their relationship. You might feel dissatisfaction, loneliness, and hopelessness seep in and take an unrelenting hold of your relationship from which you can’t seem to figure out a way to feel okay in your relationship and with your partner.

So many of our “big projects” are coming to gorgeous fruition. Life indeed is Grand! How about you? What accomplishment or deliciousness are you celebrating from this year? Nothing is irrelevant, a given or expectation. Anything beautiful in your life you Allowed and coCreated. Acknowledge it, own it, celebrate it. We create the life we have, take credit and delight… We get what we put in… This brings me to today’s writing. We are on Element2 of the Successful Couple Strategy™: Element1 – Context & Mindset Element2 – Communication & Alignment Element3 – Clarity & Dynamicsrnr

I’m sure you’ve heard a version of the saying that if you can see it, you can create it. Yes? What does this mean for you? Does this mean that the Elon Musks of the world get to have huge dreams and then make them happen allowing us to space travel and such? I say we own our own power a bit more and embrace what we can see, we can create also… How about it? Let’s dream and inspire your alternate reality…

We’ve been making our way through the 5 Elements of our Successful Couple Strategy™ to launch us into the New Year ready to create the best version of our relationship yet. We are midway through, at Element3, of better implementing the Successful Couple Strategy™: Element1 – Context & Mindset Element2 – Communication & Alignment Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics Element4 – Connection & Intimacy Element5 – Collaboration & Partnershiprnr

I have noticed that we have a tendency to have difficulties Receiving. And, that this is especially true for people who appear entitled, arrogant, demanding, critical, picky, choosy and such for in that approach they are actually rejecting… They have an underlying unconscious operating program of undeservingness. They sabotage what is coming to them, reject the good, and are blind to the Gifts. They actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy where they don’t get, they get taken from, they are undermined, and even invisible as a possible viable recipient.

It helps to still yourself, your mind, and quite all the noise… When we still ourselves, we connect with our Essence… We connect with our Higher Self. We connect with who we really are. The more we do this, the more we integrate (Mindsight) and Become who we really are… Who you experience yourself to be day-in and day-out is a conglomerate of defense mechanisms, programming, and habits… We can have a very choppy experience of one-self and a messy and treacherous experience of life if these are not consciously and intentionally addressed…

Ok, so you’ve been together for a long time, or maybe not so long, and are feeling time just passing you by and your relationship not moving or progressing with it. You find that you still have a lot of the same issues, unresolved concerns, repeating arguments, don’t feel connected, are living parallel lives, can’t seem to have fun together or enjoy each other’s company, are bored, and feel empty. You are just going through the motions and question your commitment to your relationship and your partner.

The time has come to decide who you really are, who you are meant to become, what kind of relationship you want and what kind of life you want. This is it! Do you want an extraordinary life? Have you noticed that more and more systems are breaking down and revamping (deconstructing and reconstructing…)? We are at a moment of truth. This is our chance to barely hang in there by a thread or to take matters into our own hands, to take our existence to the next level. The choice is ours.

It makes sense that New Year’s Resolutions have such a bad rep. They don’t get to really take hold as they are initiated during this challenging time and not integrated as new habits in good routines. I’m sure that if you started the New Year with Intention and a plan for creating the new habits that you are faring much better than your counterparts!

Focusing on the things that are good for us, make us feel good, and create a stronger connection to our Self are massively important in our Journey. Not only do we feel good (haha, who doesn’t want that?), but this is imperative for creating our successful relationship, and meaningful life…

As we wrap up January, things start to perk up. We start getting more traction and picking up momentum for the year. If you have been cranking all along, the more power to you! You might want to moderate your pace, so your investment is sustainable. Regardless of what camp you are in, how are you doing with the new Habits you committed to implementing this year? I know the people most invested in having an amazing life, are invested in personal development as a means to higher levels of success, in all areas of their life. These are the people stretching themselves.

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Do you often feel you are alone and unsupported - that your partner is out to lunch, or they are prissy about getting their hands dirty…? Do you feel you have to take care of everything, or things don’t get done? Do you bicker over everything and the silliest things can spark a massive fight? Do you find that you don’t address frustrations and disappointments for fear of fighting? Does it seem like forever since you really liked each other and enjoyed each other’s company? Do you feel lonely, taken for granted, overwhelmed, and unappreciated?

Obviously, we keep an eye on our overall wellness and progress throughout the year. We make adjustments and course corrections along the way. We recommit to habits and goals as we go. Some might have been forgotten and need a little dusting-off. In all, we stay the course to the best of our ability and keep shooting for the stars. We keep shooting for the stars by continuing to Become our Best Self… We have covered upgrading our thinking and our mindset. We have covered addressing our feelings and our state. We have covered mastering our behaviors and our habits.

It is not uncommon for us to become so tunnel vision in our experience that we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on what’s not working, how we’ve been wronged, what we don’t like, how much we have to do, and all the miseries of life. We tend to overwork, neglect ourselves and our loved ones. We are far from living our Best Life and creating our Best Relationship… We can focus and work differently instead… And, we can implement pleasure and delight habits…r

Do you have what it takes to live your best life? As I embrace this concept more and more, for myself and to bring to you of course, I’m just in awe at the gorgeousness life has to offer if we actually tune ourselves to it and allow it… Things started turning around for me a while back when I learned to Let Go… Now, if you know me, you know I’m in no way a slacker, passive, or easy going… LOL I still love to lead, take charge, plan and orchestrate, make things happen, work hard, deconstruct obstacles, etc…

We are all super busy. We have hectic and full lives. As we very well know, it’s so easy to lose sight of our partner and for our relationship to be at the bottom of our priority list. This is a real sad situation as our partner is our Partner, our life partner- and, by definition, the most important person in our life. Then why do we not treat them as such? Why do we struggle investing in our relationship? There is no need to rack our brain about it. Let me just show you the easiest way to invest in your relationship…

I love new beginnings whether it’s a new year, a new season, a new chapter, or just a nice and simple refresh and reset… I believe these are amazing opportunities to take stock and plan anew to keep evolving and expanding ourselves and upleveling our life. This applies to all areas of our life, from personal to relationship to professional/business. A refresh and reset are great when feeling off and looking to increase connection in your relationship.r

You have a loooong to-do list. You have others to attend to. You have projects on the burners. You are busy, you juggle, you push to the limit to get to it all.You might be sleep deprived. Sometimes you might forget to eat, even though you generally go for nutritious and clean food. Heck, you might even try to stick to an exercise routine. At the end of the day everything else but you comes first… You are in the throes of demands and might feel like you are running out of steam, pulling your hair out, screaming at the top of your lungs, hiding under a rock, or all of the above.