Browse Codependency

If you love an addict, or live with one, or depend on one in some way, you are probably in, as the old saying goes, nine kinds of pain. And I’m guessing that, whether or not you realize it, the very worst of these pains comes from being confused about the difference between power and control. No, they’re not the same. In some ways, they are opposites. One difference is: power is possible, but control is usually an illusion. Another is: seeking power can set you free, while seeking control can make you crazy. Let me explain.

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Could it be that all of our problems stem from not listening to God? If prayer is talking to God and intuition is God talking to us, maybe we need to listen more. When I was in the midst of my crazy life with alcoholics from my father to my husbands, I felt abandoned by God because I prayed and didn’t get my answers. Now I realize I just wasn’t listening.

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The idea of detachment mesmerized me when I heard about it in Al-Anon. To let go of the ones you love seemed unloving and uncaring and certainly not Christian. But it also seemed to be the NIRVANA you could reach even while living with an alcoholic. I detached from my alcoholic father by leaving home. And then detached from my first alcoholic husband by divorcing him, but as I was stuck in my second marriage wondering how in the heck I did this AGAIN, I truly got it.

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I thought if I played by the rules and did everything the way THEY said I should like a good little Catholic girl, I’d feel safe. I’d grow up, get married and have lots of kids like my Mom and live happily ever after. Why would I even think that since Mom wasn’t living happily ever after? I swore I would never marry a guy like Daddy – a raging alcoholic. But I did.

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All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own fashion.” From Anna Karenia by Leo Talstoy Mental illness in a family may be passed down from one generation to another. It can be hereditary or acquired. It may come from stress, brain injury, traumatic experiences, child abuse, substance abuse, a chemical exposure, organic causes or a family coping pattern. Statistics show that one in every four people has a short or long term mental or emotional illness.

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Which comes first passive men or controlling women? © Evelyn Leite Why do they always seem to team up? This is a question asked of me recently by a reader. Possibly because two passive people would end up on the streets and two overtly controlling people would end up killing each other? Do they feed on each other? Do they each select the other out of some sense of familiarity from childhood?

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From TheTransitio ProcessTM Interactive Lecture HOW TO ATTRACT EMOTIONALLY HEALTHY PEOPLE The following is a list of The 20 Do's and Don'ts of A Functional Relationship. It has been an effective tool and starting point for individuals and couples who are serious about creating more joy, honesty, and real intimacy in their lives. Most often clients they say this list has given them a beginning template of what a functional relationship should look like. Hierarchy of A Functional Relationship Intimacy Love Respect Trustr Truth

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I have a true story for you. My stories are always based on what I experienced. Very recently a mother came to me with her daughter, she said to me, “Tell my daughter the story of the garden.” This greatly surprised me because I had not thought of that story for a long time, and most of a year had passed since I told it to the mother. So, I began:r

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If you are looking for codependency information then you may have noticed that the definition of codependent can imply many different behaviors and symptoms. The essence of the codependent definition is that a person will demonstrate excessive caring, to the point that it is inappropriate or ...

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This is an interesting question, because there are some mental health professionals, as well as family heads, that believe codependency is a myth and that there is nothing wrong with “excessive care.” The belief is that while some people may find overbearing family members or friends troubling, ...

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Codependent behavior is not actually classified as a disorder by most doctors or the medical association. It is listed as a group of behaviors that are maladaptive. This indicates that the codependent person ignores the problem, such as stressful thoughts and circumstances, and attempts to ...

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Codependency can often cause individuals to lose themselves in their relationships. They ignore their own feelings, needs and problems. Instead, they choose to obsess over the person that they "love." They are obsessed with the other person's feelings and needs. Although you would think that ...

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Parents want what is best for their children. If a mother and father do their best to raise their child, offering strong guidance and attentive parenting, then it is a job well done. However, letting go of that parental authority can be a challenge, particularly when the child grows into a ...

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Chronic depression is a different state of mind than just the “blues”, which people of all ages must learn how to deal with. Stress and unhappiness are caused by physical or emotional stimuli. However, the average person can feel temporarily depressed and then return to a relatively stable ...

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Understanding codependency characteristics first involves understanding where this behavior comes from. Like any pattern of behavior, codependency is learned from family members. Codependency is a survival characteristic, one that is used as a coping mechanism with stressful situations. Much ...

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Recovery is a term used in reference to illness and injury. In like manner, recovery can refer to a process of returning to health from a mental disorder or substance dependence. A recovery model is often used for addiction recovery, and stresses principles of hope, supportive relationships, ...

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Before seeking help with conquering codependency, you must first understand the condition and identify if you really have a problem with it. Codependency is defined as a group of behaviors related to the idea of excessive care taking. While loving someone too much should not be reason for ...

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What is codependent behavior? When you try to define codependent you may see many definitions that essentially refer to the same problem: an excessive caring for another person that borders on psychological obsession. Is there such a thing as a person being too caring? Don’t all people desire ...

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The body has been likened to a temple – you must care for your own body with the same reverence and devotion that worshippers do when they care for their temples and churches. This devotion to yourself may feel strange and selfish, but it is just the opposite: only when you are healthy ...

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Meditation is actually a spiritual practice, and one that you can use anywhere. Nad it is a practice that creates inner peace. Inner peace, of course, is not tangible. But is a spiritual par t of our existence, which is reflected in your character and outlook on life. Self transformation and ...

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You are a special person with a lot to give: affirmations will allow you to focus on the positive things in your life, by repeating positive phrases that will train your brain to think positively. An affirmation will reassure and relax your mind and body. Here are some useful affirmations that ...

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Physical activity can clear your mind and keep stress under control. Some people like to run or walk by themselves, while others prefer team sports or group workouts. Any type of exercise will do the trick, as long as it is regular. Exercising once a month will not do much to relieve stress. ...

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Renewing your mind can result in a different attitude towards life: you will go into situations with a stronger resolve, a more peaceful spirit, and you will solve problems more effectively. The calmer and more serene you are in your own mind, the better you will handle the stress that crops up ...

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Here are more specific tips to finding a diet that will sustain your body in stressful times, and contribute to a sense of peace and wellness: • Eat a diet composed of 50 to 75 percent raw foods. Free fruits and vegetables not only supply valuable vitamins and minerals, but are rich in ...

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In my view, as I look back over the last 30 years of being a therapist, I notice how much more human and humane therapists have become and how much more personal the therapy process has become. The momentous impact of more humanistically and transpersonally-oriented therapies has actually ...

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In a recent two-part interview, "Finding a Therapist" and "What's the Best Kind of Therapy for You?", Marcia Perlstein offered her views on what to look for in a therapist and how to assess the type of therapy one is getting. Like Marcia, I, too, am a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, ...

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When we look outside for self-definition and self-worth, we are giving power away and setting ourselves up to be victims. We are trained to be victims. We are taught to give our power away.

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"In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems ..."In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in.

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"I spent most of my life doing the Serenity prayer backwards, that is, trying to change the exte al things over which I had no control - other people and life events mostly - and taking no responsibility (except shaming and blaming myself) for my own internal process - over which I can have ..."I spent most of my life doing the Serenity prayer backwards, that is, trying to change the exte al things over which I had no control - other people and life events mostly - and taking no responsibility (except shaming and blaming myself) for my own internal process - over which I can have some degree

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"Recovery involves bringing to consciousness those beliefs and attitudes in our subconscious that are causing our dysfunctional reactions so that we can reprogram our ego defenses to allow us to live a healthy, fulfilling life instead of just surviving. So that we can own our power to make choices for ourselves about our beliefs and values instead of unconsciously reacting to the old tapes. Recovery is consciousness raising. It is en-light-en-ment - bringing the dysfunctional attitudes and beliefs out of the darkness of our subconscious into the Light of consciousness.

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After two decades of addiction, my husband, Dean, had finally accepted treatment. He was on the right path and ready to begin a fresh start. As he returned home, clean and full of hope, the joy I felt for his long-awaited recovery was joined by the sobering reality of debt. Years of addiction had taken it’s toll on our finances, and it was difficult to deny the anger and resentment that surfaced along with the overdue bills and collection letters.

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As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. It can seem unjustifiable. After everything the addict has subjected you to, why should they be forgiven?

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As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. It can seem unjustifiable. After everything the addict has subjected you to, why should they be forgiven?

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Are you in a relationship with an addict? Have your attempts at helping that person failed? Do you feel powerless? Codependency is a term used when one person develops unhealthy patterns due to the involvement with another person who has the disease of addiction. Some of the negative patterns that develop include enabling, denial, low self-esteem, and control issues. While these patterns don't happen ove ight, most people who live with an addict for a sustained period of time, eventually fall into some of these behaviors.

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Throughout the first sixteen years of my marriage my husband, Dean, struggled with his addiction to alcohol, prescription pain pills, and crack cocaine. As his addiction continued to get worse, my ability to set healthy boundaries failed. This didn’t happen ove ight -- it was a gradual process that eventually left me feeling powerless.

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Take a close look at the life of any person struggling with addiction, and you will likely find at least one family member or friend 'helping' that person. Somebody making it easier for the addict to continue in the progression of their disease. This behavior is called enabling. The problem is that this form of helping is actually hurting.

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When you love somebody struggling with addiction, you pray for the day when he or she agrees to accept treatment. Maybe they reach 'rock bottom' and ask for help, but it's more likely that an ultimatum or plea from family and friends is what pushes them toward making the choice. Regardless of what steps get them to saying "yes", being ready with a plan for treatment is vital. In the time it takes to make arrangements they could change their mind. This is why it's so important for the family to find a good treatment program -- even before the addict agrees.

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Prescription painkillers, such as Hydrocodone and Oxycontin (both opioids), are highly effective in relieving chronic pain. This is why they are often the first choice in treatment by pain management doctors. Although these drugs are legal when properly prescribed, they are chemically similar to heroin, and can be just as addictive.

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Prescription drug abuse is the most rapidly increasing drug abuse among teens. In 2009, more than one third of teens said they can get prescription drugs to get high within a day; nearly one in five could get them within an hour. Parents set the example and help to create the beliefs their children develop about drug use. Parents must teach their teens that using over-the-counter or prescription medications to get high or alter their mood, is just as dangerous as illegal drugs. It is also against the law for an individual to use prescription medication without being properly prescribed.

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So your loved one finally accepts treatment. A wave of relief washes over the family. There is a glimmer of hope for a future free of the chaos. But the battle isn't over. Treatment is just the beginning. There is no cure for addiction. a good treatment program teaches the addict how to avoid the pitfalls of relapse, but it can not eliminate the cravings to use.

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How can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pain he’s causing - why doesn’t he care? I can’t take the stress any longer. He’s destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn’t he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when you love a person with a drug or alcohol dependency. You can’t understand why he continues on such a destructive path. Why does he make so many bad choices? Why does he cause so much pain to his family and loved ones?

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It is difficult to be in a relationship with an addict and not get sucked into enabling behavior. When somebody you love is suffering with an illness or a disease you naturally want to help. As a result, loved ones often step in to save the addict from the devastating consequences of their actions.

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Are you taking advantage of the incredible insight of your dreams? If not, you should be. Your dreams are full of wisdom. It is one of the ways that your inner guide speaks to you. Some people don't think that they dream, but everybody does. Many times, dreams are just forgotten within moments of waking up.

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The problem of relapse remains the major challenge in recovery. Because addiction alters the brain, the recovering addict may deal with drug-related memories, strong drug cravings, and diminished impulse control. This leaves them vulnerable to relapse even years after being abstinent.

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Just over five years ago my life was in complete turmoil. I was in a marriage with an out of control addict. I had lost practically all of my possessions due to my husband pawning anything valuable to support his habit, and we were on the verge of foreclosure. I felt emotionally and physically broken down. I really couldn’t find anything in my life to feel happy about. I felt completely powerless.

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The holidays can be a magical time for families. It is a time for wonderful parties, great food, bonding, reminiscing about the past, and gift giving. Family members often travel great lengths to be together. For many people, it is the only time of year that their family is all together as one.

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How can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pains he's causing - why doesn't he care? I can't take the stress any longer. He's destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn't he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when you love an addict. You can't understand why he continues on such a destructive path. Why does he make so many bad choices? Why does he cause so much pain to his family and loved ones?

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Most women, from the time they were little girls, were raised to be caretakers. We learned early on that we should be sweet, play nice, and put others first. While the boys around us were playing cops and robbers, we were busy playing house. We were taking care of our dolls and cooking dinner for our imaginary husbands. It is no surprise that we then grow up feeling like we have to put everybody’s needs before our own.

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Yesterday afte oon I was in my car, and a song that I hadn’t heard since I was a kid came on the radio. I was surprised that I could remember every word. Where had I been storing that? I started thinking about how amazing the mind is. It houses all of the memories of our past, and then, as quickly as hearing the tune of a song, can retrieve them as though they happened yesterday.

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We are responsible for absolutely everything in our life… When people struggle, they are quick to find the reasons and explanations for why things are not going as they would like. They usually end up pointing the finger at some external factor for why things are as they are…

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We are all super busy. We have hectic and full lives. As we very well know, it’s so easy to lose sight of our partner and for our relationship to be at the bottom of our priority list. This is a real sad situation as our partner is our Partner, our life partner- and, by definition, the most important person in our life. Then why do we not treat them as such? Why do we struggle investing in our relationship? There is no need to rack our brain about it. Let me just show you the easiest way to invest in your relationship…

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We’ve done amazing work this month getting rid of the noise, creating spaciousness, revitalizing ourselves, and just refreshing for newness… When we clean up, when we create space, when we reorganize, when we get quiet, attuned, and inspired, then we are able to tap into new realms… We can tap into anything we want… The universe is the limit… Let’s discover the newness instore for you… We can Discover newness only when we are ready for it... If we continue to have, do and be the same old, we’ll continue to create the same old… Make sure you have Refreshed for Newness: ~Declutterr

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I’m sure you’ve heard a version of the saying that if you can see it, you can create it. Yes? What does this mean for you? Does this mean that the Elon Musks of the world get to have huge dreams and then make them happen allowing us to space travel and such? I say we own our own power a bit more and embrace what we can see, we can create also… How about it? Let’s dream and inspire your alternate reality…

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Certain times of the year are great for letting go and clearing. Now is one of those times. We can declutter and detox and do other letting go practices and activities. The key is to surrender the old, the grip on our potential, and allow ourselves the opportunity to create something new. Better yet, with the spaciousness and restructuring we allow for newness to automatically emerge… Let’s deconstruct to allow for a new reality… We are focused this month on refreshing to allow for this newness, so far we covered: Decluttering and Detoxingrnr

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I say stay openminded to the beauty of this month. I know most people don’t appreciate March for its length, lack of holidays, and as it makes winter linger around these parts. But what if we were to take full advantage of everything this month has to offer? For starters, for me it feels like I have more time! I just feel more abundance- warmer weather, more sunlight, more sunshine, more weeks, more weekends, more newness... To experience the newness, we also have to let go of the old… Detox to surrender the old and allow the new…

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As the Love Month is coming to an end, our attention is now to focus on carrying on with the love theme… As being kind, loving and romantical for one month out of the year just won’t cut it... To create an amazing relationship, we must be amazing partners… It is common to get sidetracked with the business of life and to neglect, or lose focus on, our partner and our relationship. Let’s set ourselves up to change this as our relationship is the cornerstone of our life! Follow these 3 powerful steps to take your relationship to the next level.

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You know, it’s not enough to desire to have an amazing relationship. For us to have an amazing relationship, we have to want it and create it… This is where partners go wrong. They might just expect it to happen on its own. They don’t necessarily know how to go about creating their extraordinary relationship. Or, they try but their attempts don’t pan out… Sometimes the relationship might feel like a dry sponge, it needs more than one drop of water for it to work well as a sponge… Embrace nurturing your relationship, use the 5 relationship boosting activities to get you going…

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Happy Love Month! This is when things can begin to look up. It is up to us to grab the possible new vibe… It is up to us to create a new vibe… Will you continue to feel exhausted, burnt out, unmotivated and blah? Or will you replenish yourself with a rich Self-Love Practice and set the right tune for the year? Will you generate lovely notes to fill your heart and share it with others? Will you be open to giving and receiving more love in your relationship? Connection Habits help enhance or rekindle love…

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As we are wrapping up January and turn towards the month of Love, things begin to look up… The mad pressure to hit the ground running in January and kicking off the year with a bang, is now behind us. We can now truly embrace more self-compassion and set the right tone for the upcoming year… As we’ve been trying to be gentler with ourselves despite the New Year pressure, today’s Self-Love aspect drives this point home- let’s Embrace Self-Connection and Radiance. Self-Connection is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love we are working on to help us start the New Year right…

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This is about the toughest week of the year… This is when we have Blue Monday, supposedly the saddest day of the year. Bills come in from the holidays, attempts at new habits start falling to the wayside, hibernation is knocking on our door, and things just feel heavy. It’s rough to get going on creating our Best Year Yet… What’s needed is an influx of energy to set us on the right path. The best way to do that is by Embracing Self-Care and Resilience… Self-Care is one of the 4 Aspects of Self-Love we are working on to help us start the New Year right… Self-Honoring and Beingrnr

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Thanksgiving is about really appreciating everything in our lives… A grateful heart is like a magic pill… There are so many ways to embrace a Gratitude Practice and being Thankful. When we appreciate our life in its full glory, the challenges and all- as they are for us, then we are abundant… From an abundant place we can genuinely be generous to enrich the life of others, and in turn our own. Today, let’s focus on Expanding Generosity (Thanksgiving Series Pt3). In Part1 of this series we covered Giving Grace. In Part2 of this series we covered Embracing Gratitude.

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It is not uncommon for couples to have the same recurring issues and arguments… If partners are not intentional and proactive about addressing the underlying reasons for these, they will continue to have them… Not addressing relationship dynamics can break a couple… Banging around unconscious as to who you really are, what really is driving you, what you really want and how this impacts interactions with your partner, is a sure way to create a dissatisfying relationship and mediocre life. Ouch! Is this how you want to live your life?r

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Communication skills and tools are not just necessary for getting on the same page, making joint decisions and problem solving effectively. They are also indispensable for more deeply understanding each other and warmly flowing in our interactions with our partner. Excellent communication also helps increase our bonding.

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Do you think that you love your partner more than they love you? That you care more? That you do more for the home, the family, and the relationship? That if it weren’t for you, things would fall apart? You are not alone in this. It is very common for one partner to do more nurturing, caring, and making sure everything is ok. Does this sound like you? Do you do the caretaking for the family and the relationship? Does it feel like you Love TOO Much? https://metrorelationship.com/signs-that-you-love-too-much/rnr

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It is not easy to live a successful and meaningful life. It takes intentionality, focus and dedication to stay the course. Our life Journey has ups and downs, and at times it can feel like an obstacle course. With the many demands of today’s modern life and specially recently as we’ve weathered a global pandemic, things can be challenging. It can be overwhelming to manage all the demands and responsibilities. This is why it’s so important to uplevel your support and collaboration.r

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Nobody likes to feel disconnected from their partner. Partners might like to have time to themselves and do their own thing. But they like to have that while still feeling connected. Feeling disconnected, not in a good place, not on the same page, not in alignment, not together or not close, intimate and special – doesn’t feel good. Missing love, how is your connection and intimacy? We’ve already established that we have not only been in a Pandemic but also undergoing, and this is not just during the pandemic, a low desire and lack of intimacy Epidemic…r

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It feels terrible when we have the same arguments over the same disagreements, over and over again… Doesn’t it? It’s so frustrating to feel like we are living in the twilight zone, or that we are having a Groundhog Day experience… It’s tough to know that we’ll have the same conversation without resolution, yet again. Feeling like beating your head against the wall? Having repeating arguments, how you’re your relationship dynamics?r

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Hey, we can all relate to being annoyed by our partner at one point or another. But sometimes this goes beyond our idiosyncrasies, quirks or habits. Sometimes we just pick, pick, pick and go around and around. We argue to make our point and prove ourselves right. We get into fights about how we are talking and arguing. And the fights might even escalate to epic proportions. There is no fun and love in that. I you are bickering and fighting, how are your communication skills? Have you considered this as part of the issue?r

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If you are feeling stuck in your relationship, resentful, cranky, and easily annoyed by your partner, your relationship lens might be a bit smudged… Partners have a tendency to blame their partner for the status of the relationship and how unsatisfied and unhappy they might be… They tend to point fingers, get finicky and demanding or withdrawn and disengaged, and critical of their partner and their ways. Feeling stuck is usually a relationship mindset issue…r

Published · 681 views

If you are feeling stuck in your relationship, resentful, cranky, and easily annoyed by your partner, your relationship lens might be a bit smudged… Partners have a tendency to blame their partner for the status of the relationship and how unsatisfied and unhappy they might be… They tend to point fingers, get finicky and demanding or withdrawn and disengaged, and critical of their partner and their ways. Feeling stuck is usually a relationship mindset issue…r

Published · 681 views

It is uncommon to speak in terms of Mothering and Fathering in the context of our relationship… Unless of course we are talking about raising our children. But I’ve been presenting this concept as a way to continue to heal and grow ourselves. As a personal development tool, and more recently as a relationship enrichment tool… Today I’m expanding the Fathering repertoire by sharing the importance of personal and partner’s character strengths.r

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A lot of people have difficulties having trust in their relationship, and in general… Mistrust in our relationship is not just about wondering, or obsessing about, if our partner is cheating. But not trusting our partner usually has the flavor of not trusting we can count on them. That they have our back. That they’ll pick up where we leave off. Whether or not they’ll follow through on what they say. If they’ll use their best judgement. And so on. It is imperative that we create safety, security and trust in our relationship for it to be successful…r

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A lot of people have difficulties having trust in their relationship, and in general… Mistrust in our relationship is not just about wondering, or obsessing about, if our partner is cheating. But not trusting our partner usually has the flavor of not trusting we can count on them. That they have our back. That they’ll pick up where we leave off. Whether or not they’ll follow through on what they say. If they’ll use their best judgement. And so on. It is imperative that we create safety, security and trust in our relationship for it to be successful…r

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Mothering Vs Fathering… This is not a competition! First off, wishing all the Moms a very Happy Mother’s Day. And here is an invitation for all of us to embrace more Mothering in our own lives, of ourselves and our loved us. We can all stand to be more compassionate, nurturing and loving… Second, the key is finding a balance for these two characteristics within ourselves for a more integrated Human Experience…r

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You know when you don’t feel so hot physically or emotionally, how you are more sensitive to most things? And, even more so with your partner and how they are being? The things that you would normally let go or that wouldn’t necessarily bother you, in this state they are actually experienced as micro aggressions. And, when this happens you are both thrown for a loop... You can prevent pain and drama with self-regulation and co-regulation.r

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Do you feel like you are spinning your wheels and getting nowhere fast in your life? Do you feel like your world got turned upside down and you don’t know what’s up or down? Do you feel exhausted and completely unmotivated? Do you feel like are banging around without purpose and alone? Do you feel disconnected from your partner and like you are both just floating around?r

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Sometimes things don’t seem to be working out the way we’d prefer in our life and our relationship. We don’t lose the weight. We don’t get the promotion or hit our sales target. We haven’t gotten engaged yet. We keep having the same fight. There is a reason for this. The reason is that we are getting in our own way…r Now, I say with lots of love and compassion, for who wants to hear it’s their fault they are having a hard time. Right?r

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It is not uncommon for us to become so tunnel vision in our experience that we miss the forest for the tree. We focus on what’s not working, how we’ve been wronged, what we don’t like, how much we have to do, and all the miseries of life. We tend to overwork, neglect ourselves and our loved ones. We are far from living our Best Life and creating our Best Relationship… We can focus and work differently instead… And, we can implement pleasure and delight habits…r

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The conversation continues on having a refresh and reset, a renewal, on creating a new beginning, and on getting traction on our relationship and life transformation… Are you ready for newness? Let’s do it! To get traction with the new, we have to get rid of the old… Your new beginning needs a communication cleanse to set the right tone for the awesomeness that’s to come. Today we’ll focus on how to clean up how you communicate in your relationship. I recently wrote about Communication Roadblocks that get in the way of your Radiant and Successful Relationship.

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New beginnings are super exciting, and this new season promises nothing less. Not only is it a new season, but it is also Springtime when things come alive. And, this Spring is meaningful as it marks a one-year anniversary of the still ongoing global pandemic but with it hope as the vaccine is being distributed. Newness is in the air. This is the perfect time for a relationship refresh and reset. What is a relationship refresh and reset? A relationship refresh and reset is a time for renewal. It’s a time for starting again with a shift from:r

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Springtime is a time for renewal and New Beginnings… It is an opportunity to start fresh again. It is a time to refresh, course correct and reset. All changes in season and any new start, provide the opportunity for New Beginnings… Spring is special in this endeavor as the newness is so obvious with nature springing back to life… There is momentum in this… This is your chance to spring into a new level in your relationship and life…r

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Spring is almost here. Yay! Do you know what that means? It means it’s time to get ready for New Beginnings… As everything in nature will slowly be coming back to life and starting anew, so can we. We can take this opportunity to come Alive, to engage more with our life, to create new beginnings, to reset, to recharge… We can start anew in any area of our life we choose. The best way to start anew is with a good detox and spring clean!r

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Great communication has to do with smoothing things out and feeling Aligned. It has to do with getting on the same page, feeling understood and accepted, and getting traction towards a vision in common. Unfortunately, partners get in their own way when interacting with each other which prevents the flow of joy, harmony and love that is possible when doing this well. Let’s remove the roadblocks to great communication. Shall we?r

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One of the main roadblocks to creating a radiant and successful relationship is having poor communication skills and tools. Even if you believe you are a great communicator, you might not necessarily have the skills and tools needed to get on the same page with your partner… Great communication skills and tools are a must for succeeding at your relationship.r

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Do you love Valentine’s Day? Some obviously don’t. And, some would totally love to love it but because of their circumstances it is just a painful holiday for them. Which one are you? If you fall in the don’t love it (actually hate it) or in the painful category, I hope you can still find nuggets in here to apply to your life and relationship/s outside of Valentine’s Day… So, here is what to do with Valentine’s Day…

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Couples usually have a challenging time coming up with fun things to do as a couple. They have difficulties having fun in their relationship. And, they might struggle having fun with each other. Do you know how to have fun together? This is not unusual as partners have a tendency to focus on what they don’t like, an unfortunate product of our brain’s built-in negativity bias. They worry about everything that is not to their liking, about what their partner is doing or not doing, and how they themselves might not be measuring up… These are the scripts running in their head…r

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This time of year, and specially with everything that’s going on, we might be feeling raw, sensitive, antsy, edgy, anxious, stressed, overwhelmed, depressed, unmotivated, lethargic, detached numb, and such. These feelings are more compounded when we are feeling disconnected, might be experiencing a bout of low intimacy, and have fewer opportunities for fun. This doesn’t help the low desire and lack of intimacy epidemic of the modern-day couple… A challenging trifecta: Feeling disconnected from our partner is usually accompanied by low desire and intimacy.

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I love new beginnings whether it’s a new year, a new season, a new chapter, or just a nice and simple refresh and reset… I believe these are amazing opportunities to take stock and plan anew to keep evolving and expanding ourselves and upleveling our life. This applies to all areas of our life, from personal to relationship to professional/business. A refresh and reset are great when feeling off and looking to increase connection in your relationship.r

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I love new beginnings whether it’s a new year, a new season, a new chapter, or just a nice and simple refresh and reset… I believe these are amazing opportunities to take stock and plan anew to keep evolving and expanding ourselves and upleveling our life. This applies to all areas of our life, from personal to relationship to professional/business. A refresh and reset are great when feeling off and looking to increase connection in your relationship.r

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Happy New Year! The promise of new beginnings is just beyond alluring, is it not? Whether you are rocking it or are struggling, a new ride is just fun! We’ve had a heck of a 2020, and though there is light at the end of the tunnel 2021 is off to a slow start. I say we go with the flow, with tenderness and compassion. I say we glide into the new year with ease. Tenderness, compassion and ease does not mean taking it easy, being lazy or dragging butt! It just means doing it right and with finesse…r

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Wow, we made it. The end of 2020… And, what a year it has been. Are you excited to close what some are calling the “lost year”? I actually refuse to look at it this way and choose instead to look at it as a Transition Year into our Best Self, Best Relationship and Best Life… To that end, we’ve been closing and letting go of 2020, and getting ready to properly set up 2021. Today we’ll do the last step in this process: End-of-year vision, strategy and intention…

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Yes, 2020 has been challenging. Yes, 2021 seems to want to start on a rough foot also… But we don’t have to let it! It is our job to create our best life regardless of what is happening out there, to the best of our ability… Today’s topic is the second step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. I’ll cover how to do closure, clearance and celebration for paving the path for the new year.

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Last month of 2020! Let’s make it a good one! In this context, making it a good one means making the rest of the Holiday Season as magical as they can be, properly wrapping up this year, and setting up the new one for more success… Today’s topic is the first step in putting a bow on it and launching into the New Year with pizzaz. It includes how to properly do end-of-year, decluttering and minimalism to lay the groundwork for setting up the new year right…r

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The Holiday Season is here! This time of year is usually challenging regardless of how crazy the world is out there. What makes this season usually more challenging is that we trip into it and get sucked into the hecticness. This sets us up for chaos, being stretched too thin, overwhelm, drama, and too much noise. Where we end up neglecting, and even abusing, ourselves trying to get it all done or managing what comes up... This is the perfect formula for us to turn to numbing for coping with stress during the holidays…r When we turn to numbing, we actually make things worse…

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We know the Holidays and year-end can be stressful and triggering. We deal with this every year. But now we have the added pressure of a raging pandemic added to the mix. We have the sensitivities and aftermath of a close and tumultuous election. We have the flavor of what 2020 has been hanging over our heads. Hey, it makes sense that holiday thoughts are stressing you out, probably a lot more than usual.r

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With only two months left to 2020, still pending election results, a ranging pandemic and looming holidays, life can feel pretty stressful right about now. Our plates are full as usual and then some. We are still trying to recoup the year, weather this pandemic, and get stronger footing in our life. The positive coping necessary to actually thrive during this time becomes elusive under these uncertain times and sustained stress. The drama and pain in uncertainty can be pretty debilitating.r

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Couples that are experiencing a low in their relationship usually refer to it as having communication issues and not getting along. They bicker and fight, fights escalate and then there is shutdown, they don’t see eye-to-eye and can’t seem to get on the same page, they struggle to get their needs met, everything is a tit-for-tat or keeping score, and they just can’t enjoy each other. They feel disconnected and alone. Intimacy is but a faraway dream. Does this resonate for you? Are you wondering how to get back your connection and intimacy?r

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Unfortunately, the feeling of being stuck and feeling hopeless in one’s relationship is not uncommon. Many partner’s feel they are not compatible, they don’t enjoy each other’s company, and can’t see a future together… A sad state of affairs. Partners get to this point because they get entrenched in their own perspective losing sight of the other and the relationship, and the gorgeous potential... Once this is recaptured, they get along, get on the same page and get things done... They move forward creating their successful and radiant relationship!r

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It’s amazing how often I hear that people don’t have the time to do self-care… When their lives literally depend on it… I’m not sure if they look at self-care as a luxury – like having a spa day or laying on a chaise eating bonbons – that they shouldn’t have? But really, in this day and age to not prioritize self-care when it at the very least increases resilience? I look at self-care as a duty and a responsibility to ensure our wellbeing, and our ability to show up with our Best Self and create the relationship and life we desire… It is our duty to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…

Published · 787 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

Do you often feel you are alone and unsupported - that your partner is out to lunch, or they are prissy about getting their hands dirty…? Do you feel you have to take care of everything, or things don’t get done? Do you bicker over everything and the silliest things can spark a massive fight? Do you find that you don’t address frustrations and disappointments for fear of fighting? Does it seem like forever since you really liked each other and enjoyed each other’s company? Do you feel lonely, taken for granted, overwhelmed, and unappreciated?

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What is the key to an awesome day? Yes, we can say that all kinds of good things happening to us would make the day awesome. But I dare challenge that notion as we don’t want to be at the mercy of good things happening randomly to us for us to have an awesome day. When good things happen, let’s of course enjoy them and be grateful for them. But let’s not hang our hat on that. Let’s instead create our awesome day- become the of Master your day! As usual, the key is to own your day… I’ve covered this concept from the idea of Designing and Owning our day:

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What are you striving for when you are in the pursuit of Balance in your life? Do you have a visual of a scale perfectly balanced in the middle? Are you looking to work 9-5 and then you are OFF? Are you looking to break down your day into thirds: sleep, work, live? What is balance? I believe striving for balance means finding an equilibrium in our life that is satisfying to us… That honors who we are and what we are about… This is what I call Work-Life Integration…

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As we are transitioning into Back2School and the Busy Season, we are to step up our game to keep up with the faster pace, fuller schedules, and additional demands. And, as we are trying to rescue what’s left of 2020... Yet, we are going into the season already exhausted, depleted, and burnt out. Our surge capacity lasted only so long… Now we have to recharge ourselves to beat this draggy feeling and to turn this thing around. The key is in cultivating resilience.

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Often times we say we want to do such and such, make this change, implement a new habit or routine, yet we don’t follow through or stick with it. This is because we are grabbing ideas out of thin air as they sound cool or as a result of a frustration. The impulsive nature of this approach almost guarantees we won’t stick with the idea. Regardless of how ingenious and awesome it is. To make changes and create what we want, we have to be driven by our Values.

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Have you decided how you want the rest of the year to go yet? Yes, this is a decision… Regardless of what the world is doing out there you still have control over your mind, your feelings, your actions, your home, your work and the rest of it… This is a hard concept for some to accept. Some might get hang up on how challenging things will be with back2school and back2hectiness regardless of what form that will take, what will happen with the election, what will happen with the economy, etc.

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The time has come to decide who you really are, who you are meant to become, what kind of relationship you want and what kind of life you want. This is it! Do you want an extraordinary life? Have you noticed that more and more systems are breaking down and revamping (deconstructing and reconstructing…)? We are at a moment of truth. This is our chance to barely hang in there by a thread or to take matters into our own hands, to take our existence to the next level. The choice is ours.

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The state of our country is kicking most of our people’s butts… If you’ve been feeling specially overwhelmed, tired, unmotivated, hopeless, cranky or such you are certainly not alone… We are just not used to this kind of sustained global impact on our way of life… It is taxing our emotional bandwidth… It is not conducive to thriving…

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As we witness our country get ravished by this pandemic, and what seems the worst is yet to come, we have to prepare to weather the storm. To ride the wave… To make sure we can hang on to hope, to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and to look for the silver lining… I know it’s very challenging to do that as things get worse.

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Here is the thing, a lot of people don’t know how to be High Performers, the Masters of their lives. Most people don’t know how to create the most from their lives by increasing productivity, creativity, peacefulness, joy, love and connection… They don’t know how to stay healthy, have increased vitality, and feel amazing most of the time… Actually, they might know but haven’t learned the self-discipline to pursue this with gusto for great results…

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I say we focus on really enjoying the next two months and getting ourselves ready for weather what’s coming in the fall. Are you with me? What does this type of getting ready mean for you? For me it means:rn- Maintaining and upleveling my Self-Care Practice for great health, wellness, fitness, and vitalityrn- Clearing the decks of minutiae and distracting miscellaneous noise rn- Wrapping up any unfinished lingering tasks and current projectsrn- Putting in place and/or upleveling whatever support I need…r

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There is a multitude of ways in which we don’t embrace our Freedom… We can certainly imprison, subjugate and de-self ourselves with how we choose to live our lives. We pigeonhole ourselves through our mindset, perspectives, habits, lifestyle, job, career, marriage, home, community, religion, appearance, everything… We don’t realize that everything about us is a choice… Everything about us is a decision we made, or didn’t make, along the way…

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Did you know that an important part of the Human Experience is Dreaming? And, I’m not referring about the dreaming we do when we are sleeping. Dreaming, having a vision, aspiring for something, yearning… This is what drives us forward and keeps us motivated… This is what keeps us engaged and Alive… This is where there is juice!

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Are you victimizing yourself, or are you being proactive in your life? Pick something to take charge of, to focus on, and Focus on it till you get the results you want… Let’s do this! This applies to anything in your life, obviously your relationship as well… As I usually share, partners have a tendency to focus how their partner is being, how their partner is thinking or looking at something, how their partner is feeling, what their partner is doing, how their partner is spending their time, how their partner is grooming, how their partner goes to the bathroom (sarcasm)…

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I know there are ebbs and flows to how we feel, as there are seasons in our lives (not just weather wise!). The trick is to hang in there during the lows and focus on snapping ourselves out of it, and to enjoy the highs while they last and focus on sustaining them the best we can.

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What we Focus on is what we Create… Something happens or Isr We observe that, we assign it meaning and have thoughts and opinions about itr Which create how we feel, our mood, our energy…r Which in turn inform how we react, operate, and behaver And, what we do and how we show up creates our results, our life and everything in it…r

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What positive and healthy tactics have you embraced recently that are having a good impact on you? That are allowing you to be your Best Self? As you might know, when we show up with the best version of ourselves, we can conquer anything… This includes creating our radiant, authentic and successful relationship. What does showing-up with our Best Self mean? It means we embrace a Relationship Enrichment approach, we: Set empowering effective boundaries so we honor ourselves and don’t get in each other’s wayr

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Does it feel like we are turning a leaf to you? It feels like that to me, so grateful, though we are still dealing with significant restrictions around here. I know some are feeling burnt out with all pandemic related topics and impact. I know some are enjoying aspects of the temporary new normal. I know some are still getting their bearings as this thing threw them for a loop. I know some days are better than others. I know most are wondering what the future brings…

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I’m hearing a whole range of experiences from people, depending on who they are, where they are and how much of an impact the lockdown had in their life for starters. Just know that whatever your version is, whether you are bogging out, are having a reaction, or are feeling guilty for being fine, it’s ok and you are not alone… We are all on our own Journey, and this includes what we make of and take away from this Pandemic…

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We are slowly starting the reopening and easing up on the lockdown. Different areas have had different levels of lockdown, and people have taken it seriously to different degrees. Regardless, it’s been a long haul already managing the restrictions and their impact, and looking into what this means going forward as this pandemic won’t be over any time soon… Is the reality of the longevity of this hitting you hard? You are certainly not alone! People are fatigued, but we can combat this! First, let’s understand what the fatigue is about. It has to do with:

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As there has been so much talk of doom and gloom about the economy and everything economy related, crashing oil prices, recession in line with the Great Depression, major layoffs and furloughs, businesses closing down and the rest of it, finances are on our minds more than ever. This is usually a hot topic for couples regardless of recessions or pandemics. We teach our couples a protocol to get on the same page that eliminates stress and conflict around managing their finances.

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As we are faced with retriggered trauma, loss, uncertainty, stress and restraints, now is the time to access our best parts not only to weather this storm well but to be ready for what’s next… When we allow ourselves to numb out and shutdown, to sink into a hole, to spiral out of control or to simply press pause on our life and our dreams, we are hindering ourselves now and are making things more challenging for later…

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I know it still feels surreal that we are in the midst of a Pandemic and we are, what I’m calling, grounded… And, now that the shutdown has been extended to May 15th in our NY/NJ area, our resilience is being further tested. But, let me tell you that I’m super impressed with the stories I’m hearing from clients on how well they are managing this very stressful and uncertain time.

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After large numbers of deaths in NY/NJ, the outbreak seems to be slowing down and the curve flattening a bit in this area. Yay! This is just the beginning of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Hey, I’ll take ANY good news. Focusing on the good is Good… What insights have you gotten about yourself as a result of this experience so far? How have you stretched outside your comfort zone to step up your game in self-management and positively responding to this crisis? What are you seeing as possible personal lessons and takeaways up to this point?

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As the saga of Covid-19 continues and the outbreak is expected to peak in our area this coming week, now is the time to generate as much mental strength and fortitude as we can muster. It is not easy witnessing so much illness and death. Other parts of the country are trailing behind us, so these are going to be a couple of tough weeks. Turmoil and loss are not easy.

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Because things are challenging it doesn’t mean we have to lose our s*t. This is the most important aspect of managing the current crisis. That is, to manage how we choose to process information and how we choose to look at the facts. How well are we able to separate the facts from the stories we tell ourselves about the facts… We are really good at taking ourselves on rides…

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Yep, it’s official. We, NYS, have received the “Major Disaster Declaration”. These are tough times. How are you making out as this crisis continues to ravage our area and the world? It is imperative that we are extremely proactive in helping not spread the virus and that we are extremely proactive on how we set ourselves up to weather this storm… I strongly encourage you to read last week’s issue for the mindset and strategies for not only surviving but thriving during this terrible time. It’s on our Blog: 9 Tactics for weathering your quarantinernr

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It is a crazy time in the world, and it behooves us to take care of ourselves well to properly weather this storm and come out as unscathed as possible after this is over. Let’s make smart decisions and set ourselves up to actually thrive. Yes? Let’s do this also! The coronavirus pandemic is impacting every thread in the fabric of our lives from where and how we work, to how our kids are educated, to how much internet bandwidth we need, to what food we have available, to how we entertain ourselves. Even to how much toilet paper we have to wipe our butts. LOL (a little humor never hurts!)r

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Focusing on the things that are good for us, make us feel good, and create a stronger connection to our Self are massively important in our Journey. Not only do we feel good (haha, who doesn’t want that?), but this is imperative for creating our successful relationship, and meaningful life…

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One of the major consequences of running our life on overdrive is the impact on our energy, not just its vibration but how much of it we have. Fortunately, I’ve been blessed (as have you, but might not fully know it yet!) with the ability to generate energy naturally. Even during the craziest times, I had loads of energy. Though looking back, it was probably partially fueled by my adrenaline and sugar addiction (i.e., hot chocolate and Oreos for dinner while working). Ha! And, Poor Energy has tons of consequences as you might already know!

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How is the most romantic, loving, nurturing, pink/red week of the year going for you? Doesn’t it feel so lovely to step up the usual TLC and focus on treating your partner? What do you do when you want to step up showing your love? You don’t have to go the whole pink/red flavor, but do put on a more Loving lens… Let’s commit to stepping up our Loving game every day! [To this end there is a sneak peek announcement at the end of the post!]rnr

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Don’t you just love Love Month? This is it, one-week left to Valentine’s Day. Are you a VDay lover? You don’t have to be! I get how commercialized and gross the holiday gets. Non-the-less, I love the concept and prettiness of it, so I indulge and invite others to do so as well. What do we have to lose by being more Love Aware? In the spirit of Being Loving, here is a little love nugget for you, for experiencing more Self-Love...

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Valentines’ Day is just around the corner. Whether you are into Valentine’s Day or not is irrelevant. The point of this and the upcoming issues is to focus on: How you do Love… For remember, that where we focus our attention our energy goes, and what we focus on grows… So, let’s make sure we Focus on Love and Relationship Enrichment, shall we? This is the first issue of a 3-Part Series on Enhancing Love in Your Relationship: Part1: If you can dream it, you can create it…

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I’m operating with a new mantra, Keep clearing. Doing another round of letting go of the old (like possessions, processes, ways of thinking…), and I’m seriously embracing the concept of entering a New Era… Feeling amazing… Yay! How are you doing?

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How are you doing? Hope you are keeping the momentum from the New Year going… As I’m sure you already know, right about now people start floundering with their New Year Resolutions, Intentions and the like… Tomorrow is the 3rd Monday of the New Year and known as Blue Monday… The end-of-year drive, the holidays merriment and the new year’s excitement all but come crashing down… This is when back to reality hits us like a ton of bricks.

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I wrote in the last issue about feeling like we are embarking in a New Era. Feels more and more like that every day. I’m so excited thinking on the fact that we are starting a whole new decade. We are at the beginning of a new huge chunk of time. It makes me dizzy to think about what this means. To step back and think of what I’d like to create in the next 10 years of my Human Experience… Looking at this New Beginning this way is humbling, and so super Inspiring. Have you pondered similarly?

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As we embark on a new era… I want you to come along… I want your life to continue to become better and better as well. I want us to continue to Design and enjoy our Best Life. I want us to continue to have an amazing Human Experience and for it to get better every day.

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We’ve been making our way through the 5 Elements of our Successful Couple Strategy™ to launch us into the New Year ready to create the best version of our relationship yet. We are midway through, at Element3, of better implementing the Successful Couple Strategy™: Element1 – Context & Mindset Element2 – Communication & Alignment Element3 – Clarity & Dynamics Element4 – Connection & Intimacy Element5 – Collaboration & Partnershiprnr

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So many of our “big projects” are coming to gorgeous fruition. Life indeed is Grand! How about you? What accomplishment or deliciousness are you celebrating from this year? Nothing is irrelevant, a given or expectation. Anything beautiful in your life you Allowed and coCreated. Acknowledge it, own it, celebrate it. We create the life we have, take credit and delight… We get what we put in… This brings me to today’s writing. We are on Element2 of the Successful Couple Strategy™: Element1 – Context & Mindset Element2 – Communication & Alignment Element3 – Clarity & Dynamicsrnr

Published · 755 views

Are you setting yourself up for your Best Year Yet? I want to help, this is what we’ll do…

Published · 727 views

There is truly nothing better than a full heart… When we appreciate, recognize, and are Grateful we Transcend to a higher estate infused with joy and bliss… If you are looking for the magic bullet in life, this is it… We can do our Gratefulness Practice for two reasons: One, because it just feels great and has a major positive impact in our life. Two, because being appreciative, thankful, and acknowledging makes others feel good. This is a win-win.

Published · 795 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

I love this time of year! I love the coziness of the season, palette, and activities. I love making the holidays, from decorating to hosting to gifting. I love the urgency of getting projects done to wrap up the year with a bow.

Published · 775 views

Let’s get ahead of the impact of the end-of-year hecticness by instead of anticipating stress, overwhelm, exhaustion, conflict and the like, and going into survival mode, let’s plan on Thriving during this time. Eh? The trick is to believe that this is possible, that you can do it and that you can do your life differently for more Peace, Joy and Abundance… Yep, change doesn’t just happen you have to be intentional about it… Here are options to consider playing with to help you get traction on this Path of Ease…

Published · 852 views

As we welcome the month of Thanks Giving, I become more aware of my own Gratefulness Practice. I become more attuned to everything I’m Thankful for, and specially for what I might have been taking for granted. There is so much to be thankful for!

Published · 854 views

Do you find sometimes that when you are doing well or feeling amazing that you question it? That you hold yourself slightly back to prevent disappointment later, because it might just be too good to be true? Well, I had this bad habit for the longest time. Sometimes, I still catch myself going there, and of course immediately course correct. For I’ve learned that’s not too good to be true, but that’s how it’s supposed to be… Enjoy it when you feel it!

Published · 800 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

It helps to still yourself, your mind, and quite all the noise… When we still ourselves, we connect with our Essence… We connect with our Higher Self. We connect with who we really are. The more we do this, the more we integrate (Mindsight) and Become who we really are… Who you experience yourself to be day-in and day-out is a conglomerate of defense mechanisms, programming, and habits… We can have a very choppy experience of one-self and a messy and treacherous experience of life if these are not consciously and intentionally addressed…

Published · 750 views

I’ve had an interesting coming together of influences this week to inspire today’s topic (in the end only a minor detour from our Editorial Calendar). I had a request to write about addiction, and of course today is World Mental Health Day… So, I’ve decided to combine these and write about them in our usual context… [If you are in immediate need of assistance, please refer to the Hotlines provided here] There are a number of addictions that impact our Journey. The most common addictions that you might be familiar with, and possibly even have in your own life, include:

Published · 831 views

Do you have what it takes to live your best life? As I embrace this concept more and more, for myself and to bring to you of course, I’m just in awe at the gorgeousness life has to offer if we actually tune ourselves to it and allow it… Things started turning around for me a while back when I learned to Let Go… Now, if you know me, you know I’m in no way a slacker, passive, or easy going… LOL I still love to lead, take charge, plan and orchestrate, make things happen, work hard, deconstruct obstacles, etc…

Published · 743 views

Being a Mom has been the greatest gift and blessing in my life. This role is at the core of who I am and part of my purpose at the end of the day… I am so proud of the Journey I have walked with our daughter since the moment she was a desire in our minds until this very moment. The pride and love I have for her is immeasurable. But even though this is my greatest pride and joy, it hasn’t come without its challenges. How being a Mom impacts you…

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Often I hear that it feels like all the stars need to line up for partners to be able to get to a physically intimate moment… There are many factors that impact our libido, our desire, and our ability to have a passionate relationship with our partner. Most believe it is impossible to have an epic love affair with our partner. They believe in mature love and settling down into comfortable love.

Published · 668 views

Post Valentine’s Day Blues are real… There is even a thing as “Anti Valentine’s Day Week”… This week is not just for those that don’t believe on the mushy holiday, but also for those who are disappointed by it. Regardless of what camp you are in on the holiday and your Valentine’s Day experience, you can use this week to enrich your relationship. I say you - do it again, do it over, or do it after all…

Published · 668 views

Have you ever noticed that there are certain couples in your life that you love being around, and others that you dread or avoid? How do you think others experience your relationship? Do they want to be around you and your partner? Or, do you find that you each get invites to go solo? Is your Couple Brand™ what you want it to be? Does your Couple Brand™ need upgrading? Your couple brand is the flavor of your relationship. It’s also how your relationship comes across to others, and how others think of you as a couple.

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How are you doing with your New Year Relationship Resolutions or Intentions? How are you doing with staying loving and nurturing post VDAY? Are you keeping up with your Connection Habits™? Remember that to create change we have to keep a focus on what we want to achieve, focus on the progress and the result (not the lack of!), and how to continue to invest, tweak, and course correct to make it happen.

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How we do our days is how we ultimately do our life… Our life is but a collection of days… We can decide now what kind of life we want to have lived at the end of the day… When on our deathbed, what kind of highlight reel would we have to showcase? What kind of life do we want to have to show for our time on earth? What regrets do we want to make sure we don’t have? How will we have immortalized ourselves, how would we live-on in the hearts and minds of others? What would our footprint have been, what kind of impact did we make?

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We are at after the initial hustle and bustle of getting to back2school/business, and the accompanying anxiety, stress and overwhelm. We are at a time where the new routine starts to feel like second nature and can get into the groove. Where the energy of the season is inspiring, and productivity comes with ease… Where we can more heartily play with our Autumn Bucket List! Here is one to inspire yours. And, here are 10 Autumn Couple Date Ideas to consider: Cook Autumn Inspired Healthy Recipesr Go on a haunted hay ride or haunted house tourr Have a scary movies binge dayr

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What routine tweaks are you implementing for more peaceful and joyful days? What systems are you putting in place to have more ease and flow in your home? What ritual can you integrate to launch the new season with spunk? What habit will you put in place to start the new quarter strong? How will you make this quarter special?

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Obviously, we keep an eye on our overall wellness and progress throughout the year. We make adjustments and course corrections along the way. We recommit to habits and goals as we go. Some might have been forgotten and need a little dusting-off. In all, we stay the course to the best of our ability and keep shooting for the stars. We keep shooting for the stars by continuing to Become our Best Self… We have covered upgrading our thinking and our mindset. We have covered addressing our feelings and our state. We have covered mastering our behaviors and our habits.

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We’ve been on a little Journey together these past few issues. We’ve been diving into aspects of the 5 Elements in our Successful Couple Strategy™: Boundaries (Element1: Context & Mindset – Empower Yourself) Communication (Element2: Communication & Alignment – Improve Understanding) Repeating Patterns (Element3: Clarity & Dynamics – Change Patterns) Connection (Element4: Connection & Intimacy – Feel Connected)

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This brings us to our current topic lineup. So far, we’ve covered aspects of Repeating Patterns (from Element3-Clarity & Dynamics), Communication (from Element2-Communication & Alignment), and Boundaries (from Element1-Context & Mindset) in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Repeating Patterns tend to kick relationships in the butt. Dissatisfying and reactive patterns that is. This is where partners feel stuck, get discouraged and potentially give up.

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Last issue covered aspects of Communication (from Element2-Communication & Alignment in our Successful Couple Strategy™), the prior covered Boundaries (from Element1-Context & Mindset)… Communication is such an important part of a successful relationship. It is a very basic skill that most partners botch in their relating. They are not aware of all the different things that impact their communication and getting on the same page. They are left butting heads and hurting each other instead of really getting, accepting and supporting each other.

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Last issue covered Boundaries… A hugely important concept that we address in Element1-Context & Mindset, in our Successful Couple Strategy™… Boundary bridges show up everywhere in our life if we are attentive in making sure we lovingly hold our ground and take care of ourselves…

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Piggybacking on last week’s issue about letting go, deconstructing, and continuing to streamline. No such venture is done well without setting proper effective boundaries… It’s funny, whenever I cover this topic with clients or in discussion with people, they all seem to believe that setting boundaries means being a jerk. They think they have to be strict and tough, and make a statement to others about what’s tolerable and such…

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Are you enjoying more freedom and peace of mind this Summer? That is what Summer is all about… Freedom from the usual and the opportunity to Be… When was the last time you had a large chunk of time to do nothing? To just chill? To get in touch with your lightheartedness and ease? To play and frolic… I’m afraid I usually hear from people how packed their summers end up being with all the extra programs, traveling and projects… Please do remember to build in down time for its own sake… In Spaciousness we Are… In Spaciousness we get energized, inspired, and enlightened…

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Continuing with our Freedom theme, picking-up where we left off with reparenting around Fathering/Discipline (to reprogram ourselves), and combining it with more Summer goodness. Why not?

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With the 4th of July just around the corner, I usually like to write about Freedom around this time. I was inspired to write more about feelings, emotions and their relationship to Freedom… It is an obvious fact that some people are very emotional and others barely even notice how they feel… Emotions have to do with feeling in the body, and feelings have to do with naming the emotions and owning them with awareness.

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As we already started diving into in last week’s issue, Fathering is a very important concept in our life. From “fathering” comes discipline, the self-discipline we need to really succeed at our life. How disciplined are you? Do you have systems or a mechanism in place to achieve your goals? Do you have goals? Do you have a strategy, a plan? We tackled this thoroughly for the New Year… If we don’t know what we want and where we are going, how are we supposed to get it and get there?!

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Sometimes we forget, or give up on, what we want to do… Sometimes we get side tracked or distracted and can’t seem to get traction… Sometimes we are afraid to follow are dreams… We believe we don’t have what it takes, and thus hold ourselves back. Can you remember a time in your life when any of these happened for you. Part of the reason this happens is because we don’t have enough personal ownership and self-Discipline. Because I knew I was getting ready to be ready (LOL) for this big project, I chose the Focus Term™ Discipline for myself when I was doing my year-end Strategizing… Eh?

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Life can be as hectic as can be this time of year with End-of-School and Summer Planning. These stressors create great strain for couples as they juggle the multitude of demands and additional expenses in their homes. There are a few times of year when things get really hairy, and this is one of them (the other main ones are Back-to-School and the Holidays, right?).

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s we embark on this long holiday weekend kicking off the Summer, it is the perfect time to ponder upon what kind of Summer we’d like to have… By now most choices for academic and extracurricular activities for the next school year have also been completed, as we wrap up this year. By now enrollment to Summer camps, programs and the like have been completed. And, by now vacations, trips, and experiences for the Summer have most likely also been chosen and even booked. So, what’s left to do to enjoy the Summer, you ask? Well, as far as I’m concerned:

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Something that is amazingly striking is how vulnerable we are in all aspects of our humanness. And, how hard we can be on ourselves (and with others!) to top it off! In the stories I hear through the work, and also in plain old conversations with people, I hear the constant criticism, lack mentality, negativity, focus on what’s “wrong”, and the like. Gosh, it makes for an awful stay in that mental space rental. LOLrnr

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First, if you are a Mom, sending you lots of love and appreciation for all you do and endure as a Mom… Second, if you are not a Mom, I’m sure there is a Mom in your life that you can Celebrate… And, third, we all have a Mother inside us to whatever extent. It’s part of the human condition to Care… This is a perfect time to review how we are doing in the Caring department. How are we being amazing (not perfect) Moms to our children? How are we being amazing Caring individuals to the ones we love? How do we show care, tenderness, nurturing? How do we show up so that others know we Care?

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Have you noticed that whatever you are dealing with, more of it shows up in your life? It can even start to feel like the universe is playing a joke on you. Have you had that experience? Of course, it’s awesome when this applies to good stuff in our lives. Not so much when the repeating item is frustrating, painful or generally negative.

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Life is gorgeously full and a consistent invitation to approach what’s important with intentionality, ease, presence, and mindfulness. For in how we carry ourselves impacts the experiences we create, and the Journey we live… It is up to us to make it a good one every day. How do you measure your daily success?

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It’s been a wonderful Season so far of clearing, replenishing, and resetting ourselves. As we move into the lovely holiday weekend with Passover and Easter, if you observe, we can expand on the meaning of the holiday beyond the religious message. I love to experience this time as a time for new beginnings… A time for rebirth, for freely pursuing our heart and our dreams, for beginning anew, for blooming, for thriving…

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… Newness generates inspiration, energy, motivation, momentum, new heights… How do you keep things Fresh in your life? How do you inspire and motivate yourself? How do you strive for new heights? Building on our current Spring Renewal Theme, when we declutter, detox, spring clean and reenergize the outcome is a phenomenal spaciousness, surge, and drive… This generates a new perspective from which anything is possible…There is so much opportunity and beauty in this…

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Life is full of little wonderful surprises if we allow ourselves to see them and let them in… When was the last time you were delighted by the unexpected? Are you being flexible with your approach to life, work, schedule, perspectives? Are you letting your energy flow freely? Do you allow your life approach to energize you, sustain you, elevate you? This is how the magic happens… Embracing the new season, we know that Spring is all about what I call: The Five Rs – Recharging, Restoring, Renewing, Reinvigorating and Rejuvenating.

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In last week’s issue we covered Detox. Another Springtime favorite is of course – Spring Cleaning. I like to cover the usual topics from a different angle that include a personal growth/wellness and relational enrichment component…

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It was incredibly nice disconnecting from the usual during our Spring Break… Even when life is grand it’s nice to change things up. I found myself not interested on being on my phone or any other electronic device. It was a struggle checking-in on things and people. It felt like being pulled from a magical dream. This experience was perfect as it resonated with today’s topic of Detoxing… You know I have to cover it as soon as Spring comes about. LOL Detoxing is a magnificent way of shedding off anything unwanted that has accumulated over time.

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Mid-March – how about them apples? Times flies when you are having fun, or are too busy! LOL Hopefully it’s the former for you. How is it going? Having a good week? Having a good month (March can be rough on people)? Having a good quarter…? As we are quickly approaching the end of Q1, this is a perfect time to check if we are on track for the year. This might be tough to face if you were slow getting started with your new year’s strategy.

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I like to get into Spring Mode early to extend the warmer seasons as much as possible… It’s harder to do when the weather wants to continue to show its winter colors though. LOL But it’s nothing that a Spring Bucket List can’t fix! Are you with me? Let’s leave winter behind regardless of what is happening out there. I did some research on Spring Bucket Lists to prepare for this issue and found most of them a little basic and dull. I think you and I can create our own much better list. Are you up for it?

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We are in charge of how we choose to experience our life moments, and what we choose to do with them… This is a choice we can make about anything, at any time… Even in the face of trouble, chaos, crisis, and anything that we would usually consider negative life events. It’s all about the meaning we assign things… How we let them impact us… And, how we choose to address them…

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I’ve been knee deep in upgrading my personal routines and Wellness, Connection & Success Habits™. I do practice what I preach! LOL I’ve been having so much fun exploring and playing with resources to assist me with this current Theme. One of my targets is becoming even more paperless, now in my personal life as well. As you might know, I’m the queen of sticky notes. I pretty much run my life on a sticky pad (don’t judge me!). Yes, I have major platforms running my practice, teams, and even personal life – but I still need to capture, see and touch my immediate notes and to-dos on paper.

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I’ve been writing about stepping it up and fully embracing showering your partner with lots of love. And, I wholeheartedly stand by my position to embrace the Valentine’s Day cliché. But, I also want to warn you that there is such a thing as Loving TOO Much… Now, this does not negate the concept I’ve been endorsing and encouraging. I do want you to be Super Nice to your partner. We usually do way too little of that…

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We are just days away from Valentine’s Day. Are you embracing the Love Month? Is your whole house decorated pink like mine is? Haha, just kidding! You believed that though, didn’t you? Yes, I’m known to be a hopeless romantic and to love the Love Season. Yes, I love the pink and the red. And yes, I love the cliché things about VDay. I don’t love the commercialization of it, and when I encourage clients, subscribers and followers to embrace VDay I’m not referring to this aspect of it. I’m referring to taking advantage of this opportunity to play with Love. Why not?

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As we wrap up January, things start to perk up. We start getting more traction and picking up momentum for the year. If you have been cranking all along, the more power to you! You might want to moderate your pace, so your investment is sustainable. Regardless of what camp you are in, how are you doing with the new Habits you committed to implementing this year? I know the people most invested in having an amazing life, are invested in personal development as a means to higher levels of success, in all areas of their life. These are the people stretching themselves.

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How do we make sure this year our relationship is better than ever before? Speaking from personal experience, self-care is the key… And, as I’ve been writing, self-care comes in many forms – from having a luxurious pampering session at a spa to being gentle with yourself in your Self Talk to easing up on your overly ambitious agenda… There is being motivated, and there is driving yourself into the ground. What’s the point in that?

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How do you like to spend your snow days? Indoor or outdoor? Do you have any fun rituals or traditions? How can you make the time more special? Actually, how can you make your weekends more special regardless of snow?

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It makes sense that New Year’s Resolutions have such a bad rep. They don’t get to really take hold as they are initiated during this challenging time and not integrated as new habits in good routines. I’m sure that if you started the New Year with Intention and a plan for creating the new habits that you are faring much better than your counterparts!

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I love observing couples. I’m always intrigued by how they operate, especially if it works for them. I’m always learning from the couples around me. I’m in awe and inspired by couples that are dedicated and devoted to making their relationship work better. I’m honored to work with the partners I work with. Their commitment to their relationship and each other is unparalleled. I love working with them. Sometimes though, the things that partners tolerate surprise me. And, the things they find egregious doubly surprise me.

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Unfortunately I get to see how partners get in their own way when trying to create connection and intimacy with each other. I can hear the noise in their head. I can see the wheels turning. I can see the gears grinding. I can see the squirrels running around, some even holding on to nuts for posterity… I can see the wreckage. I can see the black hole. I can see their pain. If there was a device I could put on to see in their head, I would get these images. But wait, there is a device that can see in our heads, that measures brain activity…

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Partners look at what they contribute to their joint life as what they contribute to their relationship. These things usually include earnings and taking care of the family and home. But, what would you say you contribute to the relationship if you couldn’t include these? How do you invest in becoming a better partner? How do you nurture your partner? How do you nurture the relationship? How do you invest in feeling each other and creating intimacy? How do you invest in enjoying each other?

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What makes your relationship special? What is it about your relationship that makes you happy? What do you appreciate the most about your partner’s essence? How does your partner’s essence enrich your life?

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I have found that most relationship issues can be boiled down to taking personal responsibility and setting effective boundaries… This includes showing-up to our interactions appropriately by being intentional, mindful and compassionate. It doesn’t do anybody any good to show-up by ramming ourselves down others’ throats… That’s not actually showing-up… This is disrespectful and a boundary injury…

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How do we create a masterpiece life? How do create an awesome relationship? The answer is quite simple, we change (grow, heal, step it up a notch, etc)… How do we change? We change by taking action on new information (or old information if you sat on your a** with it thus far)… Insight, information, learning, reading do nothing for us unless we take some kind of related action, unless we implement something different.

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I’m a therapist… I’m a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. I’m a Certified Imago Therapist (additional training in doing couples work). Hence, I specialize in working with couples. I’m often asked what’s my niche, what’s my thing… I specialize in working with codependent couples (partners having poor boundaries and self ownership…). And, I further specialize in working with couples where apathy is ramped in their relationship. Where one partner is not involved, withdrawn, removed, difficult to engage, self absorbed and such.

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Is lack of trust undermining your connection with your partner and wrecking havoc in your relationship? Lack of trust might extend to beliefs that your partner is cheating. Or it can be as simple as not trusting your partner to be there, follow through, keep their word, be accountable, get your back, do the right thing by you, be mindful, thoughtful, and honorable. The level of distrust has to do with our own insecurities, but also the level of our partner showing up authentically. When we both address our side of the coin this becomes a non-issue!

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I’m familiar with relationship struggles. I’ve had my share, obviously I’m not exempt, and this is what I work with day-in and day-out. I’m pretty intimate with the nuances of what troubles partners and what gets them stuck. For reasons that are beyond the scope of this article, I love working with couples. Couples are my passion. I’m intrigued by them and care about their wellbeing.

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Romance is not just for Valentine’s Day! Romance adds spice, texture and color to life. Unfortunately, most of us don’t utilize this much in our life and relationship. We get too comfortable and busy… This is probably one of the hardest muscle to exercise unless you are in the dating world, and even then you might feel challenged. I hear all the time from my single clients (yes, I do also work with single persons and individuals on attracting love and having an awesome relationship) how difficult it is to figure out what would tickle another person.

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It is not uncommon for partners to feel bored, stale, empty, disconnected and cranky. When this is not attended to it festers and creates more difficulties in the relationship. Partner’s start to wonder about the solidity of the relationship, their commitment to it and how much they want to actually be with their partner.

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I have written in the past about the importance of having fun in our relationship. Fun equals Life! There are all kinds of fun that can be had with our partner. The trick is to figure out how as couples seem to lose this knowledge as the relationship progresses…

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It’s amazing how many partners know their partner loves them, but they still don’t feel loved… This is actually kind of an epidemic… Couples struggle because they get stuck in power struggles. They let their Ego get in the way. They approach their situation from a reactive and self-preservation place that only puts their partner in the defensive or offensive. Not allowing them to be open, responsive, or caring and able to meet their needs as desired.

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I think romance is underrated… I hear couples express they want romance and to be romanced, but they state it with a sense of shame, wishful thinking and as an unattainable outcome. They off-handedly claim their wish in the same sentence that dismisses it with the practicality of everyday life. Yuck!

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In my recent reading I have come across a piece of writing that has made me think of sexuality and physical intimacy from a different angle. I love when that happens! Give me material that sparks my creative juices and that I can integrate into my work for greater impact, and I’m a very happy camper. This is what tickles me!

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To succeed at anything a real commitment to do whatever it takes is needed… We all know of the “self made man”. People who grew up with nothing and are now multi-millionaires. We might be friends with them. We might be one of them. The same principles apply in Relationships! I have seen couples come back strong from the most awful of situations. All it takes is a real commitment to creating what you desire and full heartedly going for it…

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There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.

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Ok, so you’ve been together for a long time, or maybe not so long, and are feeling time just passing you by and your relationship not moving or progressing with it. You find that you still have a lot of the same issues, unresolved concerns, repeating arguments, don’t feel connected, are living parallel lives, can’t seem to have fun together or enjoy each other’s company, are bored, and feel empty. You are just going through the motions and question your commitment to your relationship and your partner.

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We are what we think. We create what we think. What we resist persists. What we focus on expands. We are super powerful creating creatures…

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With the hustle and bustle of the year end activities and holiday preparations and festivities, it is no wonder that we might feel a little over extended and perhaps have been neglecting our selves and loved ones. With the New Year just around the corner, it is time to shift gears and change our focus. It is time for fresh starts and new beginnings.

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Here is a collection of resources for the Season! Enjoy!! Newsletters: Peacefulness, Abundance and Givingr Don’t Just Survive the Holiday Season Books: On Personal Success, Motivation and Goal Achieving Happy Holidays!! ~ Your MetroRelationship™ Assignment Have a discussion with your partner about how to make the Holidays meaningful for you as a couple. Create a couple ritual that captures the essence of your partnership. Have fun! ~ Share Your Thoughts & Successes in the comment box at the end!

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The Holiday season is taxing. It is difficult to incorporate all the demands of the Holidays into our already jammed packed calendar: all those parties, the shopping, decorating, cooking and just all the extra details. And it is even harder when we are emotionally and physically exhausted. This is why I want to specifically target how you can make sure you are up to the part.

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That’s right. It is not easy to Receive. Some of you might question this statement and might be thinking: “Hey, bring on that diamond necklace or that new set of golf clubs!” – but just sit with it and see how it does make sense…

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That’s right. It is not easy to Receive. Some of you might question this statement and might be thinking: “Hey, bring on that diamond necklace or that new set of golf clubs!” – but just sit with it and see how it does make sense…

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I have noticed that we have a tendency to have difficulties Receiving. And, that this is especially true for people who appear entitled, arrogant, demanding, critical, picky, choosy and such for in that approach they are actually rejecting… They have an underlying unconscious operating program of undeservingness. They sabotage what is coming to them, reject the good, and are blind to the Gifts. They actually create a self-fulfilling prophecy where they don’t get, they get taken from, they are undermined, and even invisible as a possible viable recipient.

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It never ceases to amaze me that what we believe and think we create… I recently had the pleasure of connecting with a fabulous person who shared, “I started having the Good Things falling out of the sky…” What a lovely, powerful and faithful statement! I want this for you. I want you to have a life of ease and beauty. I want your Journey to be out of this world…

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The Holidays do all kinds of things to people. They provide a year-in-review, showcase our progress and success, spotlight our communion and belongingness, highlight our relationship dynamics, and nudge our very Soul for wakefulness. Add to this all the demands, expectations and hassle and bustle, and it is no wonder that the Holidays are rough for some. The Holidays create stress, anxiety, depression, paralysis, withdrawal, mania, shame, overindulgence, overwhelm, crashing, loneliness, and other goodies. How do the Holidays affect you?

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Brain science is a fabulous field – it provides answers to some of life mysteries! There are so many new advances and discoveries being made that we are beginning to get a better understanding of what we are capable and of our potential as cognizant beings. My readings and research consistently reinforce my belief that we are truly amazing creatures with tremendous power over our own lives and world. We actually have the ability to change our own brain and with it how we experience and create our world and relationships!! I find this to be extraordinary and miraculous.

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It saddens me to witness people’s struggles, to watch them get in their own way, to drown in a glass of water, to miss the bigger picture. Maybe this is compassion for my Self as I can certainly be in that place… This is one of the lessons I’m still learning. This is part of my Journey. In its course I grow, heal, learn and further embrace my Calling… It is amazing to step back and take in the machinations, the alignments, and the perfection in how everything plays out, always for a reason… It all adds up…

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Have you ever stopped to think about what your ideal relationship with your partner would look like? If you had your dream relationship today, with your partner, what would be different? Think about this from the stand point of how you would feel differently, what you would be doing differently, how you would be responding differently, how you would approach your partner differently, how you would look differently, how your routine, lifestyle, home, activities, foods, would be different… What else might be different?

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Does your partner support you, romance you, engage you, enliven you, energize you, seduce you? Is your partner there? When couples are not on the same page, they tend to drift apart. They fight a lot, don’t feel each other, and don’t get their needs met. Partners appear invisible or have a negative presence.

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Trust is very delicate and fragile and needs to be earned and developed, it is not a given. And, once it is achieved it is only transient. For it to survive it needs to be safeguarded and nurtured. It is like achieving our ideal weight and level of fitness. To maintain them we need to continue to eat healthy and nutritious foods and keep up with out fitness program.

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I learned to listen to my husband’s wishes. This might sound simple and easy to do, and even a given, right? But it’s not. It’s common for partners to give and do for each other what they’d like for themselves. Just this week I was talking with a client who does not like to make a fuss over her birthday so she doesn’t make one over her husband’s either, when the he actually wants a fuss! I wish, my husband likes to fly under the radar also. I’ve learned to respect and honor that. I’ve learned not to embarrass him with undo attention and lavish gifts. It makes him uncomfortable.

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A lot of times when we are feeling stressed, bored, out-of-sync, reactive, and other such feelings, part of the reason is that we are operating from a less-than-resourceful state and are not tapping into our fullness, power and authenticity. When we operate from this place and do not bring our best self forward, we are robbing yourself of a richer experience and our partner of being in a genuine relationship with us. They are in relationship with the worst of us! And, then we wonder how come we get the worst of them!!

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We are asked and begged to be Mindful by our partner. More often than not we hear their plea as a complaint or criticism. We do not recognize their cry for connection and love. This is because they might not have the language or know how to ask us to be in connection with them. They might instead indeed complain that we are not around, too busy, distracted, controlling, demanding, etc. But all they are saying is, “I can’t feel you. Please show the real you to me.”

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The only Time that exists is Now which encompasses our past and future as we understand them. I’ll spare you the physics lesson, but suffice it to say that at any moment in time we create our own reality and have access to all the information we need… I’ve created a powerful tool, Imagine Visiting with our Future Super Successful (FSS) Self who shows us the ropes to create what we desire in all areas of our life. Mine is my cheerleader, counsel, guide, and coach.

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Do you find that your relationship and life appear to be on pause? Do you feel like you’ve been in a hamster’s wheel? Does it feel like you are always back to square one, like you can’t get ahead, like life is passing you by? Does it feel like your relationship is not going anywhere? This is a very common feeling in some people’s lives and their relationship. This is experiencing Inertia.

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We are extremely powerful creatures created in God’s semblance. As we are all universally interconnected as energy and matter in the physical universe, we are omnipresent (present everywhere), omniscient (all knowing), omnipotent (all powerful) and we are Love itself. Now that is powerful.

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I can tell my couples how to do things till I’m blue in the face, but unless we play deeper change is not possible… I find that we have a tendency to look for immediate gratification, the quick fix, the easy way out, and the shortest path to the Promised Land. If this approach worked we would already be an amazingly evolved species… Unfortunately, this is not the case. This approach does not work. We have to be in it to win… We have to have skin in the game to get the desired outcome. We have to have our two feet in to walk and enjoy the Journey.

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Even the most healthy, satisfying and rewarding relationship has stuff that gets on our nerves. As nobody is perfect, the way we are in relationship with our partner and what we put in our in-between (the space between the two partners that represents the relationship) is also less than perfect. This imperfection causes us frustration, angst, disillusionment, and pain.

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When we are really frustrated at our partner and become crazy in our interaction with them, in real life or in our mind…, we lose sight of our Self, our partner and our relationship. We instead get mired in a sea of reactivity, and therefore pain. We are not doing anyone any good by getting to this state. This state, thoughts and feelings, is just a reactive experience of a specific set of neurons firing in our brain. This is not who we are. This is not who are partner is. This is not our relationship. This is just some in the moment chemistry.

Published · 664 views

Having fun in our relationship is paramount to its survival. Relationships are challenging. We have to integrate two completely different lives, usually with different gender, brains and biology, upbringing, histories, ethnicity, religion, worldviews, expectations, and many others, to create a joint life. There is so much room for disagreements, confusion, and impasses contributing to the already stuck dynamics and power struggle created by unconscious mechanisms… Fun is an easy way to build in reserves necessary to persevere through the challenges.

Published · 731 views

Partners expecting too much or too little from each other is a sign of a dynamic in disarray. When partners have expectations that are beyond what their partner is capable or willing to do, it is usually because they think they know best. They think they know what their partner should be about. They know what their partner should do, how they should feel, how they should respond, how they should think, and everything in between. They are usually projecting their own wishes, needs, likes and such onto their partner. They expect their partner to be the way they themselves would be.

Published · 654 views

Whoever said that Halloween is just for kids and trick-or-treating? Yes, adults have fun too with the decorating, costumes, and parties. But I’d like to also suggest taking this a step further by using Halloween as a relationship-building tool. Why not? Why waste a perfectly set up situation with built in opportunities for awesomeness?

Published · 767 views

Right about now is when the end of year crunch and stress of holiday planning starts to creep in. People fall into all kinds of categories in terms of how they do the holidays. But whether they actively plan and try to dot all their “i”s and cross all their “t”s or by just wing it nonchalantly, everyone is affected… The holidays have this funny way of getting under one’s skin, hitting raw nerves, and poking at our soul. There is something primal about holidays…

Published · 650 views

In most relationships usually one partner wants more closeness and togetherness than the other. The partner that wants the togetherness and closeness derives their safety, meaning, and joy from being in relationship and in connection. They are the ones that do the “relationship work”, make the plans and keep the social calendar, they make sure everything in the home runs smoothly and that everyone has what they need, and are the ones that need to be in “touch”. When this is disrupted in anyway they don’t feel safe, confortable, grounded, happy, important or valued.

Published · 832 views

It is a wonder that couples figure out how to get along and create a joint life together. Partners usually experience love, attention, intimacy, communication, conflict, money, holidays, time, space, and everything else differently. They bring to their experience their history, upbringing, culture, spirituality and many other influences. Yet, they still have one very important thing in common, their need to feel loved, valued and accepted.

Published · 628 views

I hear how every year appears to go quicker and faster for some as their lives get busier and more complicated in their attempt to keep up with the pace of our ever moving society. This is a challenging pull to evade fraught with consequences for the relationship. We become distracted from our partner, our connection, and our love and in so doing we loose sight of each other and move away from our happiness.

Published · 627 views

Appreciation, acknowledgement and understanding are key ingredients in couple relationships. Partners feel important, content and loved when they know their partner practice these and are truly dissatisfied, unfulfilled and unhappy when they don’t. The reason is that these characteristics aid couples in feeling connected. Their absence leaves couples fumbling to get their needs met and to “feel” their partner and the relationship.

Published · 638 views

A common complaint in relationships is partners feeling disconnected from each other. I hear this as one of the primary concerns couples present with in my practice, aside from fighting a lot and not communicating. As a couple is composed of two different individuals who have different histories, upbringings, personalities, ways of looking at things and processing information, styles of communication and many other individual characteristics, it is easy to get disconnected. This gets even further compounded with current dynamics and contexts if an effort to stay connected is not made.

Published · 775 views

Oh boy, it’s that time of year when transitions are most prevalent. How do you manage transitions? How do you gear up for new phases, stages, developments, plans, routines, opportunities, seasons, and such?These show up in all areas of our life. Some of us do better than others at managing transitions well. Leaving something we know, or love, for something new is not always easy. Peeps who experience ADD have specially challenging times with this – switching gears is not easy.

Published · 851 views

When partners create tunnel vision in their lives focusing all their energies on certain endeavors, they tend to loose sight of their partner and the relationship. These are the partners who feel disconnected and end up dissatisfied in their relationship.

Published · 620 views

As with busyness comes neglect of things we care about, our partner is usually one of the first to go. This is very unfortunate as most would say that the relationship with their partner is one of the things they care about most in life. But, still they usually come in last on the priority list.

Published · 780 views

Have you ever wondered how some people create successful lives and others settle for mediocre ones? Have you taken this a step further and wondered how some people create successful relationships and others settle for mediocre ones? I have. This is my life’s purpose… It’s a constant wonder and question for me. My every breath, thought, and action revolve around this. I’m obsessed with this. There is a common theme to my musings, research, and work driven by the question of how we can Be our Best Self… Reach our Highest Potential…

Published · 771 views

Some couples experience a lot of discomfort, dissatisfaction and unhappiness in their relationship as the partners have a hard time syncing, seeing eye-to-eye, understanding each other and connecting. This is not just about hectic schedules or intense life styles, different communication styles, gender or other differences for as these are addressed the dejection remains… There is a human fundamental need that is not met for the partners in these couples. The need of being Accepted – to know that they are OK, that they exist, that they matter.

Published · 769 views

Whether there is a lot of fighting and bickering or quiet discontent and separateness, most couples struggle in their relationship. You might feel dissatisfaction, loneliness, and hopelessness seep in and take an unrelenting hold of your relationship from which you can’t seem to figure out a way to feel okay in your relationship and with your partner.

Published · 755 views

You have a loooong to-do list. You have others to attend to. You have projects on the burners. You are busy, you juggle, you push to the limit to get to it all.You might be sleep deprived. Sometimes you might forget to eat, even though you generally go for nutritious and clean food. Heck, you might even try to stick to an exercise routine. At the end of the day everything else but you comes first… You are in the throes of demands and might feel like you are running out of steam, pulling your hair out, screaming at the top of your lungs, hiding under a rock, or all of the above.

Published · 739 views

What makes us Us? What is the essence of our relationship? Is it the sum of You and Me? Of two separate entities committed to each other, hopefully, that positively, or indifferently, relate to each other? The essence of our relationship is made up of the connection between ourselves and our partner. The energy in the space between us.

Published · 773 views

Our mood is impacted by many variables in our lives if we let it. Our hectic lifestyles, poor self care, habits, emotional problems, the weight of our history, etc. can all have a huge impact on how we feel and therefore how available we are in our relationship(s).

Published · 656 views

Do you find that hard as you try you seem to be stuck in the same place? That it seems like you’ve tried it all, work hard at it, are pooped and yet nothing is different? Unfortunately, this is the story of most partners, the ones that give a hoot anyway. The rest have resigned themselves to living contentedly in ignorant bliss missing out on the potential inherent in their partnership. Either one of these suck in my book.

Published · 676 views

People are obsessed with the difficulties in their relationship, they just keep thinking about it and hurting over it. They put too much negative mental energy into it. I don’t really blame them as I know it is very difficult and painful to be in a relationship that just keeps hurting them, but one gets out what one puts in. Negativity begets negativity.

Published · 918 views

Our relationship has a purpose. There is a reason for our relationship why we chose the partner we did. People, in more recent times, usually say they got married, or are involved in their relationship, because they love their partner, and/or have also other logical reasons why they decided to commit and stay with their partner. These are not the real reasons for why they are in their relationship! These are either socially correct or superficial reasons, and are ways for them to understand why they are with their partner.

Published · 796 views

Have you gotten over yourself, evicted your Ego, yet? Are you full steam ahead? Are you all in? Are you fully committed to really giving it your all, to throwing your whole Self in? Are you fully committed to kicking some serious butt, to creating an extraordinary life and awesomest relationship? Do these questions scare you? Do you feel a wave of terror cursing through your body? Do you feel your insides shaking? Do you feel frozen or paralyzed? Do you feel like a protagonist in a film playing in slow motion, or like you are walking in molasses?

Published · 858 views

A lot of times we experience our partner as selfish. They might seem self-indulgent, inconsiderate, self-absorbed, thoughtless, demanding, and unsupportive. They might be passive-aggressive and underminding. It appears that everything is about them and for them.

Published · 706 views

Couples get stuck in how they relate in their relationship and no matter how they try to get unstuck, to meet their needs and to create a satisfying relationship, they just get more and more buried in dissatisfaction.

Published · 862 views

The longer we are with our partner and the more time goes on, there is a tendency for complacency, laziness, neglect, taking-for-grantedness, and boredom in the relationship.

Published · 801 views

It never ceases to amaze me what couples can accomplish and how they are able to turn their relationship around when they set their mind to it! I have literally seen miracles happen… I have seen couples come back from real horrible places. It is a formidable phenomenon to witness. I have, unfortunately, also seen partners give up on their relationship without fully investing in creating changes. They get too hang up on what their partner is doing or not doing and how they are being or not being. This is a train wreck in the making… Very unfortunate indeed rnr

Published · 689 views

As I’ve written before, one of the reasons some couples’ relationships deteriorate over time is because the partners get lured by life away from their partner… Partners work hard at their jobs and become involved in their careers, children absorb much of their attention and a multitude of life maintenance tasks drain their energy. Compound this with “poor relationship skill” and the fact that most relationships get stuck in the “power struggle” stage of relationships, and we have a formula for disaster!

Published · 693 views

Couples frequently come to my practice expressing that they have lost something or that something is missing in their relationship. They complain there is no passion. They share that they are good friends, but want something more in their relationship. A lot of these couples have a sexless relationship (having sexual intimacy less than one time per week) and want to express and feel their love in all realms including the physical.

Published · 1,187 views

I LOVE this time of year to set myself up for an amazing new one. Everything I walked you through in the past few blogs, all captured here: How to Waltz into the New Year, I do myself. I’m so excited for the new habits I’m integrating this year like Morning Pages (concept from The Artist’s Way) and The 5 Second Journal. And, I’m super excited Pete (Hubby) and I refreshed our collaborating approach and platform to capture this year’s Strategy. We are set for our best year yet! Yay!

Published · 686 views

Wow, the year is almost over! Here is a recap of the Season’s focus. In case you missed it, you might want to take a look at these to see what still applies and what you need to embrace to gracefully waltz into the New Year! Intentionally Plan Your Holidays And Year-End (setting up your HYP) Acknowledge And Celebrate Your Accomplishments (ASPECT 1 of HYP) Letting Go, Productivity And Meaningful Holidays (ASPECT 2 of HYP) Giving, Meaning And Success (ASPECT 3 of HYP) Giving To Yourself For Ultimate Success (Reinforcement for HYP)

Published · 820 views

Boy, oh boy! Are people struggling right about now. If this is you, please know you are not alone and do not worry we’ll get you out of the funk soon enough! There are plenty of reasons for potentially not feeling well: Crunch time at work or business, spotlight on life success, overwhelm with the holidays, financial concerns, family-of-origin stressful dynamics and painful memories, relationship dissatisfaction or spotlight on relationship status, over commitment in all areas of life, poor health, fatigue or burn out, and so many others. Unfortunately, this is pretty universal.

Published · 781 views

Why do couples struggle enjoying downtime and having fun together? As we know, opposites attract. This phenomenon is also found in couples which means that usually partners have opposite personalities, needs, wishes and preferences – including what they consider relaxing, enjoyable and fun. This does not mean that your leisure time, your Summers or vacations are doomed. This does mean a need to intentionally plan your time together so you create a win-win experiences.

Published · 819 views

It is just the way it is for some couples. After a while they can’t feel their partner. They don’t feel loved and actually believe their partner doesn’t care about them. They feel like just roommates, two ships passing in the night. Others don’t even see each other at night! They spend so little quality time together that they forget to show up to their relationship!

Published · 836 views

Most couples can revitalize their relationship after they’ve lost desire for each other and/or after being in their non-sexual relationship (10 sexual encounters a year (less than one per month) for a while, even for decades! This is good news! These dissatisfied couples loose hope of ever having an interesting, stimulating and satisfying relationship with their partner that includes a healthy sexual component. This does not have to be the case!!

Published · 950 views

I know not everybody enjoys and thrives during the holidays. Most actually don’t and struggle. I’m sorry if this is you. Tackling our Holiday and Year-End Process™ (HYP) might help… I know that our clients that fully embrace this process fare much better than those that don’t when the new year comes around… If you struggle please Gift this process to yourself!

Published · 809 views

Giving in whatever manner tickles our heart is a significant path to feeling happiness. Our Giving doesn’t just touch others’ hearts and maybe even meet their needs with our gestures. Our Giving is also good for us. The act of giving and being generous stimulates the same neural network that light up when we feel physical pleasure… This week gives us a great opportunity to Give in additional ways. #GivingTuesday has become a significant part of the holiday experience. Did you participate yet? What causes are dear to your heart?

Published · 878 views

Money. Money is a hot topic in many relationships as there are intense emotions attached to money as well as a range of meaning around it. Partners have different ideas about the importance of money, what it means to them, its purpose, its role, how to manage it, and even how to earn it! Couples are made up of two individuals that have different backgrounds, exposure, experience and relationship with money. Their parents had different relationships with money and gave them different messages around money. Partners form different patterns and habits in their management of money.

Published · 920 views

The season of renewal is finally here and with it comes an invitation to awaken to life. Note the blue skies, the sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming. What an enchanting time to be alive. The possibilities are countless.

Published · 880 views

The Path to Passion & Synergyr One characteristic satisfied and successful couples have in common is that they are part of each other's lives. Duh-ah! I'm sure this does not come as a surprise. The trick though is how the partners are part of each other's lives. Partners have difficulties negotiating what this means to them and integrating a healthy approach to togetherness and couplehood. Keep reading to learn more. SUCCESSFUL COUPLESr Get On the Same Page & Create a Satisfying Relationshipr Created by Emma K. Viglucci, CFT, LMFT, CITr Marriage and Family Therapist, Writer and Speakerr

Published · 1,140 views

I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days. They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there. Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!

Published · 995 views

Most couples can revitalize their relationship after they’ve lost desire for each other and/or after being in their non-sexual relationship (10 sexual encounters a year (less than one per month) for a while, even for decades! This is good news! These dissatisfied couples loose hope of ever having an interesting, stimulating and satisfying relationship with their partner that includes a healthy sexual component. This does not have to be the case!!

Published · 1,366 views

The bottom line of the romantic relationship is feeling connected, loved and acknowledged. This is what we strive for in our relationship. This is of course not the only thing we want out of our relationship, but it sure is one of the top ones! This explains the need to partner up in life. We are social beings and need to live in relationship.

Published · 1,051 views

I have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less… So, what’s the point?

Published · 1,240 views

I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days. They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there. Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!

Published · 1,074 views

Our body is not just a receptacle that houses our Self. It is how the Self manifests itself. The flesh that we refer to as our body is actually all-knowing pulsating molecular energy. the material of the Self, our Being. Here we store information such as our histories, experiences, their impact, our wishes and desires, feelings, and have access to Knowledge, choices, best options, outcomes, a sense of others and community, and even love.

Published · 988 views

How Do You Show Your Commitment? I find that most couples do not have a vision of their future in place. They do not know where they are going in life. They deal with things as they come up, live pay-check-to-pay-check or floating their lives on credit cards, putting out fires, and mechanically going through their days. They cannot benefit from their inherent synergy and gifts because they do not have a vision of how they want their future to be, never mind a plan for getting there. Going through life without a plan is like going on a road trip without a map, you will not enjoy the ride!

Published · 962 views

I read a while ago, and found it applicable to many areas of our life, that we can handle as much as the span of your wings. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that God, the Universe, doesn’t bestow (good or bad) onto you more than you can handle? We can use this concept well in our growth, healing and thriving Journey.

Published · 1,869 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

Without even realizing or knowing how it happened sometimes couples find that they have gotten themselves stuck in a rut. This is very common and it can happen cyclically in the relationship. The couple’s rhythm inevitably sets this up to happen. Some things that affect this phenomenon include:

Published · 901 views

When we are in a vulnerable place, triggered, overextended, overwhelmed, stressed, hormonal, whatever, we function from a less than resourceful state and therefore can very easily fall prey to negative thinking, victimization, sabotaging, undermining, deprecating, blaming, abuse, neglect, and rejection of self and others. When in this state we cannot see the good, the beautiful, and what is working. We only focus on the bad, inviting more bad.

Published · 975 views

In our society Freedom is one of our most valuable assets and one we tend to take for granted. How we perceive and define our freedom is directly correlated to our sense of power and our ability to design the relationship and life we want. When we get stuck looking at our situation with a murky set of glasses and limited parameters, it is inevitable that we’d feel stuck, boxed in, without options, and even controlled. It is crucial to your well-being to explore your definition of freedom and expand your parameters. If you have a limited perspective, you’ll get a limited outcome!

Published · 944 views

Unless we live in a cabin isolated from the world, grow our own veggies, and paint all day, we pretty much rely on our left brain (logical, technical, verbal brain) to live our lives, and even then we would still need our left brain to carry out life’s most basic functions. It is when we predominantly use our left brain and shut out our right brain experience (instinctual, intuitive, empathic, feeling, creative brain) that our existence is out of balance and we don’t do so well.

Published · 1,023 views

Our body is our most important possession. It houses, protects and enables our most precious possession our brain. Our brain creates and generates our mind and the essence of us. It makes us who we are on a daily basis. It is the CEO of Me, Inc. It is the master mind of our life. Some say it is where our soul resides.

Published · 1,186 views

What do you usually think of when you think of the f word? We probably both think of the same four-letter word, but for today let’s make our f word a more meaningful word. F is for Focus. F is for Freedom. I’ve written before that what we focus on persists. What we focus on either enables us or enslaves us. We have the power to create our awesome ongoing experience. All we have to do is choose. We have to exercise our freedom of choice. This applies to everything in our lives.

Published · 945 views

Every once in a while we need to acknowledge how far we’ve come in our relationship. Think back on how things were, when you were having a hard time in your relationship and had not started making a conscious and guided effort to make things better.

Published · 959 views

Are you using the parts you love about yourself in your relationship? Do you bring the best out in each other? Do you complement and learn from each other? Are you a team working towards a common goal? Do you stimulate each other? What is the underlying theme to your interactions with your partner? Is your essence present in your relationship? Or do you hide behind funny coping? Do You get lost in the shuffle?

Published · 1,285 views

Isn’t it sad that most couples are not happy or that relationships are barely working as the partners wish? I attribute this to a lack of courage, to fear. For you see, we tend to lead with our defenses, protection and ego in our relationship. We are not attractive when we use our porcupine mode to approach our partner. Then we wonder how come we don’t get what we desire.

Published · 924 views

We leave freedom and independence to be celebrated on the 4th of July, and for politicians and policy makers to worry about. But freedom is a gift that should be treasured, cherished and protected in all contexts, especially in such an intimate and influential relationship in our lives such as our relationship with our partner. In our relationship, the ability to exercise our freedom is key to our and our partner’s wellbeing and that of the relationship. Without freedom your true authentic selves can not be in relationship and the relationship can not flourish and be satisfying.

Published · 832 views

Sometimes we feel stuck and hopeless. We look at our life and relationship and wonder, What happened? This is not what I set out to create. Somewhere along the way you lost your path, you lost your self. And now, you have no idea where you want to go and how to get yourself there. You might even blame your partner for the lack of progress in your life and relationship. You can’t get your partner to do what you want. Stop trying. It won’t work – you can’t tell others what to do; they are not responsible for your happiness.

Published · 965 views

Couples run into trouble when the partners have different definitions of how things should be in their relationship. They operate under different assumptions, expectations, wishes and needs. One of the reasons for this is their Boundaries.

Published · 1,377 views

One version of couples struggling that I come across are couples with partners that are codependent. These are the couples that are stuck in patterns that they can’t seem to break, they have a lot of fighting and drama or complete disconnect (conflict avoiding), they feel they are behind their peers in terms of professional and relational achievements, and can’t seem to synchronize on handling the business of creating a joint life and getting their needs met. In these couples the partners show up in two ways:

Published · 1,651 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Do you find that your interactions with your partner include some of the following? Poor or no eye-contact Giving of the back or talking to the back Talking to the air Not responding, acknowledging or answering questions Dismissing Shutting down, ignoring Withholding Lying Rejecting Forgetting Denying Shrugging of shoulders Rolling of eyes, giving the evil eye or staring down, huffing and puffing, sighing, sucking teeth Leaving, walking/turning away, or truncating discussionsr

Published · 1,557 views

I find that we make poor choices at almost every turn and then wonder how come our relationship and life are not as we’d prefer them to be I find that we do not own our Self and our life, that we do not know who we are and what we are meant to do I find that we do not take the time to design our relationship and our life. I find that we are not intentional about creating the relationship and life we desire. I find that we do not Live in the moment and create a fabulous relationship, and life, in every momentrnr

Published · 1,192 views

How does this happen? Here we are loving a person and doing our best to show them we love, cherish and want to be with them to fail miserably at conveying that message. This is even worse when compounded by difficulties and lack or relationship skills partners bring to the table.

Published · 1,360 views

Is lack of trust undermining your connection with your partner and wreaking havoc in your relationship? Lack of trust might extend to beliefs that your partner is cheating. Or it can be as simple as not trusting your partner to be there, follow through, keep their word, be accountable, get your back, do the right thing by you, be mindful, thoughtful, and honorable. The level of distrust has to do with our own insecurities, but also the level of our partner showing up authentically. When we both address our side of the coin this becomes a non-issue!

Published · 1,616 views

It’s amazing how many partners know their partner loves them, but they still don’t feel loved… This is actually kind of an epidemic… Couples struggle because they get stuck in power struggles. They let their Ego get in the way. They approach their situation from a reactive and self-preservation place that only puts their partner in the defensive or offensive. Not allowing them to be open, responsive, or caring and able to meet their needs as desired.

Published · 1,432 views

I think romance is underrated… I hear couples express they want romance and to be romanced, but they state it with a sense of shame, wishful thinking and as an unattainable outcome. They off-handedly claim their wish in the same sentence that dismisses it with the practicality of everyday life. Yuck!

Published · 1,187 views

When we think of codependence we think of it in terms of its association with substance dependence. We think of a partner who is codependent with a substance dependent partner. But this is not the case. Codependence can be a condition and state of being and dealing with life all on its own.

Published · 1,722 views

Most relationships have to endure a history of trauma experienced by one or both partners and a current trauma(s). Traumas include abandonment, neglect, abuse, rejection, control, accidents, assaults/attacks, catastrophes, infidelity, infertility, loss, relocation, birthing and becoming parents, substance abuse, chronic illness, eating disorders, depression, extreme emotionality, obsessions, PTSD, unemployment, disability. Some of these are symptoms of a past trauma, but when experienced in the present they create a current trauma to the relationship.

Published · 1,740 views

I often find that couples hold a fairy tale expectation of happily ever after, for which I chide them. I dismiss this notion not because it seems unrealistic, but because couples go about creating their fairy tale all wrong. For you see, “happy endings” are possible… This is called unconditional Love…

Published · 1,971 views

It’s very interesting to me to watch couples struggle and go around and around… I find that this happens with the ones where partners refuse to take ownership of their own contribution to their relationship’s status quo and are fixated with having their partner change… These are the partners that also are waiting for the magic pill and for me to fix their partner. I have a bit of news for these partners – it ain’t gonna happen!

Published · 1,801 views

Do you know when you get on your partner’s nerves? There is a general underlying theme to the complaints couples usually share and that is that their partner is being egocentric. Egocentrism gets in the way of witnessing our partner’s beauty, gifts and contributions. It keeps us trapped in our mind’s machinations and delusions keeping us from Being our Authentic Self. Egocentrism prevents us from connecting with our partner and from having the relationship we want.

Published · 1,851 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

After the infatuation and dating stage, fun and romance doesn’t just happen in relationships. Great committed relationships don’t just happen. We have to put in conscious effort to create the relationship we want. Here are some tips for creating and enhancing your intimacy, romance, passion and fun with your partner: 1) Make time for each other and for having quality time together. Pick a time of day that is just for the two of you. 2) Stay connected through out the day by sending each other inspiring, funny, cute, loving or sexy emails, cartoons, cards, notes, etc.

Published · 1,794 views

Fun is important in our relationship. Having fun releases different chemicals in the brain that engender good feelings which get then associated with our partner. This is a good thing. Having fun with our partner should be a priority in our relationship. We can get huge returns on this investment! It is difficult at times to remember to have fun a sad state of affairs but very common. Couples get stuck in their routines and getting through their days managing their responsibilities as best they can that they consume all their energy and resources leaving little for the couple itself.

Published · 1,906 views

There is a tendency towards passiveness in our relationship as time passes. Couples get comfortable in their routine, whether it is an efficient and satisfying routine or not, and lax in their relating, whether they are on the same page or not. They settle into whatever relating they have developed and stick with it, becoming more and more passive in their efforts to keep passion, interest, mystery, and seduction alive.

Published · 1,911 views

One characteristic satisfied and successful couples have in common is that they are part of each other’s lives. Duh-ah! I’m sure this does not come as a surprise. The trick though is how the partners are part of each other’s lives.

Published · 1,844 views

You might not have a chance if you keep this up: A tendency to look for weaknesses, gaps, holes, things to improve, deficiencies and the like, and miss the boat on capitalizing on strengths in your relationship. We bring this tendency to how we view our partner and how we relate with them. We look for their shortcomings, what they forget to do, what they could do better, and what else they can do for us. We use a lack and negative expectations lens. We filter our experience to prove our negative expectations. We expect our partner to fail before they even try.

Published · 1,836 views

We all have dreams, wishes and goals. There are things we want for ourselves, our partner, our family. Sometimes though we find that it is difficult, if not impossible, to make our wish a reality. We may want to start a new business, go back to school, learn a new trade, pick up a new hobby or project, throw a party, have the house a certain way, keep fit, enroll in activities with our children, have more intimate and fun moments with our partner, having another child, etc. But life gets in the way and we just dream about these and never see them materialize.

Published · 2,006 views

People usually marry for love. A new phenomenon, only a couple of centuries old, in the history of the institution of marriage and in this culture. I say "usually" because sometimes people just get married because that is the thing to do, again speaking from today's and this culture's context.

Published · 1,220 views

When we are "too close", whether we are getting along or not … , we can't see each other. If we can't see each other, how can we possibly decide if we like each other and feel attraction? This concept is confusing to most, when we live in a society where relationships struggle and the ideal is based on fairy tales and believing our partner should be our best friend.

Published · 1,342 views · Rated 1/5 from 1 votes

Mind Your Own Side of the Fence!

Published · 1,502 views

Are You Showing Up in Your Relationship these Holidays? The Holidays are always a difficult time of year for people for many reasons. At the risk of adding to the plethora of writing on this topic, I still feel called to share with you how you can use this time as an opportunity for change and creating an amazing life and relationship. I invite you to look at the Holidays not as something to endure, get through and manage, but as a fertile ground of new possibilities.

Published · 1,835 views · Rated 3/5 from 1 votes

Break the Rules Preventing an Awesome Relationshipr Do you experience déjà vu, broken records and same old stories in your disagreements with your partner? Do you feel stuck and find yourself repeating patterns and fights without knowing how to break the impasse? You are not alone … This is an unfortunate common experience in relationships. I have cracked the code for breaking the impasse … and want to help you apply this in your relationship. There are three steps to this process: 1) Recognizing the pattern (observation and acknowledgment)

Published · 2,017 views · Rated 2/5 from 1 votes

I have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less... So, what's the point?

Published · 2,000 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

When we are in a vulnerable place, triggered, overextended, overwhelmed, stressed, hormonal, whatever, we function from a less than resourceful state and therefore can very easily fall prey to negative thinking, victimization, sabotaging, undermining, deprecating, blaming, abuse, neglect, and rejection of self and others. When in this state we cannot see the good, the beautiful, and what is working. We only focus on the bad, inviting more bad...

Published · 2,023 views

One of the love languages is Words of Affirmation (book referenced above). Words of affirmation come in many forms including praise, acknowledgement, credit, recognition, validation, compliments, and appreciation. Each of these are a gift in and of themselves. When you use these, you show your partner that you notice and see them, appreciate them, like and accept them, that you are proud of them, that you cherish them, that you understand and get them.

Published · 2,051 views · Rated 1/5 from 1 votes

Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true "treasure chest" worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!! To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the "gems on the rough" - the hidden treasures. Hidden Treasure #1 - Potential to Heal:

Published · 1,964 views · Rated 4/5 from 1 votes

Are You Abandoned or Smothered in Your Relationship? Couples get stuck in how they relate in their relationship and no matter how they try to get unstuck, to meet their needs and to create a satisfying relationship, they just get more and more buried in dissatisfaction.

Published · 2,627 views

Stop Sabotaging Yourself!

Published · 3,834 views · Rated 4/5 from 3 votes

Bring Your Self to Your Relationship It is a phenomenon when we feel energized, connected, and alive past the infatuation stage of our relationship.

Published · 2,154 views · Rated 3.6/5 from 12 votes

Have you noticed that when you are really close to what you want or to the next level in your life, things seem to go wrong?

Published · 1,004 views

Do you remember when you were a kid and wanted something really badly? Whether you nagged someone to death to get it, or tried, rehearsed, or practiced incessantly you knew what it would take to get it and went for it. As kids we knew that repeating actions got results: learning to ride a bike, swim, dive, run faster or longer, speak another language, play an instrument, make baskets, ace tests, drive, beat a game, etc. Somehow as we got older we learned to expect quick results, or give up after a couple of tries. Long gone are the days of trial and error, persistence and perseverance.

Published · 938 views

Abundance in our life is experienced in direct proportion to the level of Self Love and Self Care we give ourselves. Take a moment to soak that in. When we are stingy with our Self, our energy vibrates at a lower frequency which attracts other low frequency people, situations and results in our experience. This ranges from having your driver’s license suspended, to a tree falling on your house, to going bankrupt, to a family member becoming seriously ill, to you becoming seriously ill, and even death.

Published · 836 views

Have you noticed that when you are really close to what you want or to the next level in your life, things seem to go wrong?

Published · 870 views

When couples struggle it is very common to find that the partners have not yet found a way to honor and support each other in genuine, compassionate and generous ways. Partners share that they have tried it all and are tired of not getting anything back, getting their needs met, nor being able to create an awesome relationship. They participate in their relationship with an ego (fear-based, selfish, and self-centered) approach. These partners have difficulties letting go and trusting their partner.

Published · 874 views

Do you find that you have so many demands and responsibilities calling for your attention and resources that sometimes you feel like crawling under a rock and going to sleep for a millennium? Do you find that everyone wants a piece of you? Your kids have practical, social, intellectual and emotional needs. Your home needs tending and your family life has a ton of minutia to be managed. Your social calendar, extra-curricular activities and other commitments grab at you at every corner. Your job, business, or profession takes the bulk of your attention and energy.

Published · 895 views

We bring a lot more into our relationship than we are aware. We are unique human beings with a unique set of history, parenting, socialization, wounding, and experiences. As we develop and journey in our lifetime, our uniqueness plays a role in all we do including how we relate to our partner. One of the characteristics that make us unique is our sense of our self. According to Harville Hendrix, author of Getting The Love You Want, our True Self, our original whole being we were born with, has been compromised over time just by the mere fact that we live in an imperfect world.

Published · 845 views

It is a phenomenon when we feel energized, connected, and alive past the infatuation stage of our relationship.

Published · 922 views

Many couples operate under the assumption that being in a relationship means to be bossed around, told what to do, and to loose their personal freedom and choices. I have heard references to young couples getting engaged as “he bit the bullet” and other similar degrading remarks. I’m sure you have heard before couples complain about how their partner wants to change and control them and references to partners being “trained,” “whipped,” “on a short leash,” etc. All these really set up the stage to struggle in one’s relationship.

Published · 871 views

A crippling state in relationships is when partners can’t seem to get each other and get on the same page. Partners struggle with being themselves, seen, accepted, recognized and embraced. I find when couples struggle is because the partners are having a difficult time honoring themselves and each other… The partners get busy trying to be seen, acknowledged, get their needs met and have their way that they lose sight of the other and shoot themselves in the foot with their approach. They encroach on their partner bringing about the opposite of what they are actually seeking.

Published · 828 views

Usually we have good intentions and mean to invest in our relationship. Somehow this fizzles from the moment we have that thought or attitude to the next moment… We are very fickle in our thinking about the status and course of our relationship. One moment we are partners for life, the next we can’t wait to get rid of our partner… I see this day in and day out…

Published · 1,144 views

A key ingredient in a satisfying relationship is Understanding. When we don’t feel understood we are out of sinc with one another and our needs can’t be met. Understanding validates our existence, is respectful and mindful. It is amazing that most people do not have this necessary ingredient in their relationship. One reason for this is that people confuse understanding with agreeing. When we understand someone, our partner, we do not necessarily need to agree with them.

Published · 1,221 views

When we are babies we learn to get our needs met by alerting our parents of a poopie diaper, hungry belly, or an ouchie with our crying. As adults, we continue to try to get our needs met with our �crying�. Our crying has become more sophisticated over time and now takes the form of criticism, nagging, put downs, and jab!!

Published · 1,266 views

In my recent reading I have come across a piece of writing that has made me think of sexuality and physical intimacy from a different angle. I love when that happens! Give me material that sparks my creative juices and that I can integrate into my work for greater impact, and I’m a very happy camper. This is what tickles me!

Published · 1,176 views

There is more to us than meets the eyes… We have an internal world operating at all times that we are vaguely aware of. Some people are totally out of touch with theirs… The more we become acquainted with our own Self and all it’s aspects, needs and desires the more we can be our Authentic Self and create our Authentic Life and Awesome Relationship.

Published · 1,289 views

We are what we think. We create what we think. What we resist persists. What we focus on expands. We are super powerful creating creatures… Our mind is a honing device for creating, a GPS for getting places… We create what we think whether intentionally or not.

Published · 1,170 views

Honor your Self. What does that mean? In my book, it means getting in touch with our Core, True, Authentic Self, our Soul, and operating from it in all we do.

Published · 2,032 views

Money. Money is a hot topic in many relationships as there are intense emotions attached to money as well as a range of meaning around it. Partners have different ideas about the importance of money, what it means to them, its purpose, its role, how to manage it, and even how to earn it! Couples are made up of two individuals that have different backgrounds, exposure, experience and relationship with money. Their parents had different relationships with money and gave them different messages around money. Partners form different patterns and habits in their management of money.

Published · 1,948 views

The season of renewal is finally here and with it comes an invitation to awaken to life. Note the blue skies, the sun shining, birds chirping, flowers blooming. What an enchanting time to be alive. The possibilities are countless.

Published · 2,107 views

You have to be happy with yourself first… You cannot be happy in your relationship if you are not first happy with your Self… If you are not your Authentic Self, your Soul Self, you are just a robot completing daily tasks and missing the whole point of life… This is not Living… What is the purpose of your Life? Why are you alive, today, right now?

Published · 1,973 views

Anger is a poison in our relationship when it is misunderstood and unleashed. It gets in the way of understanding, connectedness, intimacy, love, and satisfaction in our relationship. Anger in its explosive or simmering manifestation, is a sign that something is wrong when it is prevalent. This indicates that there is pain and dysfunction in the relationship and that something needs to change.

Published · 1,911 views

Being parented by imperfect parents/caregivers is considered a traumatic experience of childhood in some of the trauma and attachment literature and information I have come across. This includes being abused, abandoned and/or neglected to various degrees.

Published · 1,753 views

What is an affair? What constitutes cheating? Infidelity? These are very personal definitions. Most people have their own version of what constitutes what. Here is a definition I have adapted from experts in the field that works well: An affair involves one of the partner’s passion being directed at someone or something other than their partner that often includes secrecy.

Published · 2,074 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

It is very painful to experience betrayal in our relationships. I am primarily referring to betrayal by loved ones. This is the most painful betrayal. Betrayal may happen in many different forms and can be experienced by anyone at anytime during their life timernr

Published · 1,831 views

What is the Fun Quotient in your relationship? Couples have the tendency to become complacent in their relationship including the fun aspect of their relating. This is traumatic to the relationship as it stifles its energy flow creating a numb, stuck and disconnect feel and dissatisfied partners.

Published · 1,712 views

The majority of the couples that want to improve their relationship identify that communication is an issue for them. They share how they can’t see eye-to-eye, convey their feelings and perspective, or understand each other. They report they end up fighting every time they try to address something not being able to resolve disagreements or being delayed in making decisions because they can’t get on the same page with their partner.

Published · 1,907 views · Rated 4.5/5 from 2 votes

Share Good Vibes With Your Partner

Published · 1,363 views

There is no better way to create wonderful memories and meaning in one’s relationship than with rituals. Rituals are a special way to show love, appreciation and importance for the partners throughout time in the life of the relationship. Relationships are made up of interactions between two partners which can be negative or positive. Their repetition provide the overall feel of the relationship. Rituals collaborate with this process.

Published · 1,712 views

Couple relationships experiencing difficulties can be categorized into two broad styles of relating: temperamental or tenuous, and can fluctuate between these extremes. These relationships are not satisfying, and not likely to succeed – enjoy couples’ inherent synergy, as the partners are spent in their constant efforts to address the impact of their relational style.The partners might feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the level of reactivity in the temperamental relating and/or sad and alone by the distance in the tenuous relating.

Published · 1,935 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

Be Awesome With Your Partner!

Published · 1,291 views

One would think that connecting with our partner is an easy feat. After all they are the one person we are supposed to be the most intimate with. This is most often not the case and we are actually not that intimate. I find that couples have a very difficult time connecting, feeling connected and staying connected, and their efforts at connecting sometimes create even more distance between them. It doesn’t have to be this way. First, we need to become aware of some of the ways we sabotage our attempts to connect and set ourselves up to be disconnected: 1. Being too busyr

Published · 1,741 views

Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true treasure chest worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!! To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the gems on the rough, the hidden treasures. Hidden Treasure #1 – Potential to Heal:

Published · 1,865 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

When was the last time you were physically intimate with your partner? If you say a long time, you are not alone! A lot of couples share their sexual life is in the toilet. They struggle getting along, among other things, to the point that being physically intimate is the furthest thing from their mind. Getting along is a big priority for these couples. They experience a lot of fighting, a lot of distance or a rollercoaster of both.

Published · 1,946 views

Partners love telling each other what to do, how to behave, how to be, what to think, how to feel, and even things like what to eat and how to dress! They are on a mission to change their partner, consciously or not. This is a sign of lack of boundaries and personal ownership. Partners love owning each other instead…

Published · 1,404 views

Being seen and accepted for who we are is a basic need that specially plays out in our relationship. I find that the driver behind most conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships has to do with the partners feeling they can't be themselves in one way or another.

Published · 1,243 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Often times partners share their wondering about how exclusivity, monogamy, and fidelity is possible in a longterm relationship. It is usually the male partners who pose this question when their female counterpart is not present.

Published · 1,814 views · Rated 3/5 from 2 votes

Couples usually end up accepting the lack of desire and passion in their relationship as a fact of life for a longterm relationship. They are not happy or satisfied with this, but their attempts at remedying their lack of (passionate) physical intimacy don't usually succeed.

Published · 1,183 views

Often times couples get so hang up in the business of running their life, attending to their family and other responsibilities, and working that being together, enjoying each other and having fun falls to the way side. This creates a terrible state of affairs where after a while couples forget how to have fun together … Too often I hear couples question whether they still have anything in common or if they ever did, wonder how to rebuild that into their relationship, and struggling with it once they do.

Published · 1,744 views · Rated 5/5 from 1 votes

Cultivate Your Intimacy!

Published · 1,645 views · Rated 5/5 from 2 votes

Attune to Your Partner! What is a Successful Relationship?

Published · 1,545 views