Browse Codependency

Sometimes, the breakup is initiated by the long-suffering spouse or intimate partner of the narcissist or psychopath. As she develops and matures, gaining in self-confidence and a modicum of self-esteem (ironically, at the narcissist’s behest in his capacity as her “guru” and “father figure”), she acquires more personal autonomy and refuses to cater to the energy-draining neediness of her narcissist: she no longer provides him with all-important secondary narcissistic supply

Parents want what is best for their children. If a mother and father do their best to raise their child, offering strong guidance and attentive parenting, then it is a job well done. However, letting go of that parental authority can be a challenge, particularly when the child grows into a ...

Which comes first passive men or controlling women? © Evelyn Leite Why do they always seem to team up? This is a question asked of me recently by a reader. Possibly because two passive people would end up on the streets and two overtly controlling people would end up killing each other? Do they feed on each other? Do they each select the other out of some sense of familiarity from childhood?

The holidays can be a magical time for families. It is a time for wonderful parties, great food, bonding, reminiscing about the past, and gift giving. Family members often travel great lengths to be together. For many people, it is the only time of year that their family is all together as one.

Question: “I’m very sensitive. I can easily feel other people emotions. But, often, it feels as though I’m just bombarded and sometimes I don’t know where my emotions stop and another’s begin. I just have strong empathy abilities, right?” Answer: Maybe. In my spiritual travels, I’ve met many empathetic people. Being empathetic isn’t always a good thing. One dictionary defines empathetic as a “ready comprehension of others’ states.” Being empathetic means one can easily iden

Excerpted from the April 21,2011 episode of my radio show, A Fine Time for Healing Roughly 100 millio Americans suffer the effects of codependency today. Relationship codependency is often referred to as the “White Knight” syndrome, because the codependent tends to be a rescuer. Codependency is a commonly and loosely used term that we often hear, but many of us do not know exactly what it means. Within the context of addiction there are three types of codependency; the enab

At some point in my development (it's an ongoing process), I gained a fear of confrontation. As I went on, it became more and more prevalent and became a part of my personality. I was a "nice guy", which is fine and certainly carries redeeming qualities; however, I found myself with many problems associated with this. I was unable to stand up for myself. I found myself saying "yes" to everything, even when I didn't want to do something. My love life suffered because I was so

Bring Your Self to Your Relationship It is a phenomenon when we feel energized, connected, and alive past the infatuation stage of our relationship.

Stop Sabotaging Yourself!

One of the key contributing factor of Procrastination – Indolencer First of all, let’s understand what indolence is. It simply means laziness or disinclined to complete a task or activity, for instance, when you want to lose weight by doing routine exercise, you will delay this task by finding many excuses, like “I am too tired after a full day work, maybe do it tomorrow”, “Not feeling well and right for exercise now”, “I am not in the mood to exercise now” and many many more

What is codependent behavior? When you try to define codependent you may see many definitions that essentially refer to the same problem: an excessive caring for another person that borders on psychological obsession. Is there such a thing as a person being too caring? Don’t all people desire ...

Throughout the first sixteen years of my marriage my husband, Dean, struggled with his addiction to alcohol, prescription pain pills, and crack cocaine. As his addiction continued to get worse, my ability to set healthy boundaries failed. This didn’t happen ove ight -- it was a gradual process that eventually left me feeling powerless.

"Recovery involves bringing to consciousness those beliefs and attitudes in our subconscious that are causing our dysfunctional reactions so that we can reprogram our ego defenses to allow us to live a healthy, fulfilling life instead of just surviving. So that we can own our power to make choices for ourselves about our beliefs and values instead of unconsciously reacting to the old tapes. Recovery is consciousness raising. It is en-light-en-ment - bringing the dysfunctional attitudes and beliefs out of the darkness of our subconscious into the Light of consciousness.

Most women, from the time they were little girls, were raised to be caretakers. We learned early on that we should be sweet, play nice, and put others first. While the boys around us were playing cops and robbers, we were busy playing house. We were taking care of our dolls and cooking dinner for our imaginary husbands. It is no surprise that we then grow up feeling like we have to put everybody’s needs before our own.

How can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pain he’s causing - why doesn’t he care? I can’t take the stress any longer. He’s destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn’t he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when you love a person with a drug or alcohol dependency. You can’t understand why he continues on such a destructive path. Why does he make so many bad choices? Why does he cause so much pain to his family and loved ones?

As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. It can seem unjustifiable. After everything the addict has subjected you to, why should they be forgiven?

This man doesn’t make the headlines. He won’t steal your money or kill you and dump your body on the side of the road. But he can steal your heart, rob you of your time and kill you slowly from the inside out like radiation that eats at your heart and soul. Does Your Man Act Like This? 1.Is your man detached, and sometimes cold and distant? 2.Does he seem to come close then pull back again and again? 3.Do you believe it could be wonderful if you could just get past his wall

Not all Emotional Abuse is obvious. In fact, behavior that belies Emotional Abuse often starts out feeling good. Have you ever met the charmer, the smooth talker? Everything you say and do he finds adorable. Narcissists are masters of charm and sweet talk. His doting and compliments feel good. At first, you won’t believe your luck in finding someone so able to listen, talk things through and make you laugh. But, when it comes to dealing with Narcissistic Personality Disorde

How can he be so selfish? He can clearly see how much pains he's causing - why doesn't he care? I can't take the stress any longer. He's destroying all of our dreams. Our lives have become Hell. Isn't he tired of living this way? These are the typical thoughts that run through your mind when you love an addict. You can't understand why he continues on such a destructive path. Why does he make so many bad choices? Why does he cause so much pain to his family and loved ones?

As an author and speaker on co-addiction, and as a wife of a recovering drug-addict, one of the most common questions I get is how do you forgive? It is understandable that after all of the lies, betrayal, and pain that come with addiction that loved ones would have a difficult time forgiving. It can seem unjustifiable. After everything the addict has subjected you to, why should they be forgiven?

Just over five years ago my life was in complete turmoil. I was in a marriage with an out of control addict. I had lost practically all of my possessions due to my husband pawning anything valuable to support his habit, and we were on the verge of foreclosure. I felt emotionally and physically broken down. I really couldn’t find anything in my life to feel happy about. I felt completely powerless.

In my view, as I look back over the last 30 years of being a therapist, I notice how much more human and humane therapists have become and how much more personal the therapy process has become. The momentous impact of more humanistically and transpersonally-oriented therapies has actually ...

When you love somebody struggling with addiction, you pray for the day when he or she agrees to accept treatment. Maybe they reach 'rock bottom' and ask for help, but it's more likely that an ultimatum or plea from family and friends is what pushes them toward making the choice. Regardless of what steps get them to saying "yes", being ready with a plan for treatment is vital. In the time it takes to make arrangements they could change their mind. This is why it's so important for the family to find a good treatment program -- even before the addict agrees.

Cultivate Your Intimacy!

What is an affair? What constitutes cheating? Infidelity? These are very personal definitions. Most people have their own version of what constitutes what. Here is a definition I have adapted from experts in the field that works well: An affair involves one of the partner’s passion being directed at someone or something other than their partner that often includes secrecy.

Many of us do not understand the importance of having emotional “boundaries” in our interpersonal relationships. Many of us do not even understand what the term “boundaries” means in that context. And many of us do not even know whether the emotional boundaries in our life are healthy or not. This concept was foreign to me for the first forty years of my life. When a therapist explained to me that the problems I was experiencing stemmed from undefined emotional boundaries, I

Are you in a relationship with an addict? Have your attempts at helping that person failed? Do you feel powerless? Codependency is a term used when one person develops unhealthy patterns due to the involvement with another person who has the disease of addiction. Some of the negative patterns that develop include enabling, denial, low self-esteem, and control issues. While these patterns don't happen ove ight, most people who live with an addict for a sustained period of time, eventually fall into some of these behaviors.

The majority of the couples that want to improve their relationship identify that communication is an issue for them. They share how they can’t see eye-to-eye, convey their feelings and perspective, or understand each other. They report they end up fighting every time they try to address something not being able to resolve disagreements or being delayed in making decisions because they can’t get on the same page with their partner.

"In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in. We, in our Codependence, have radar systems ..."In our disease defense system we build up huge walls to protect ourselves and then - as soon as we meet someone who will help us to repeat our patterns of abuse, abandonment, betrayal, and/or deprivation - we lower the drawbridge and invite them in.

I have noticed that when we have the foot to the pedal, we are moving so fast that we actually miss the beautiful scenery around us. We go about life trying to get things accomplished to such an extent that we burn ourselves out and end up actually accomplishing less... So, what's the point?

It is difficult to be in a relationship with an addict and not get sucked into enabling behavior. When somebody you love is suffering with an illness or a disease you naturally want to help. As a result, loved ones often step in to save the addict from the devastating consequences of their actions.

Is Codependency a Problem in Your Life and in Your Relationships? Take the Quiz To find out if codependency is a problem in your life, please answer yes or no to the following twenty questions: Do you put others’ feelings, desires and needs before your own? Are you drawn to relationships with people who lack stability and/or are irresponsible in a particular area of their lives? Do you have a compulsive need to help, nurture, fix or control others? Are you always looking fo

The problem of relapse remains the major challenge in recovery. Because addiction alters the brain, the recovering addict may deal with drug-related memories, strong drug cravings, and diminished impulse control. This leaves them vulnerable to relapse even years after being abstinent.

Low self-esteem is a characteristic of the person from a psychological point of view, but nevertheless it’s a good idea to view it as a disease. It’s similar to a disease in the fact that it brings lots of negative impact in your life. From the overall feeling of worthlessness, through the increased chance of mood disorders and depression, and finally – the enormous amount of missed opportunities, low self-esteem can be the doom of proper development , advancement, and

Often times couples get so hang up in the business of running their life, attending to their family and other responsibilities, and working that being together, enjoying each other and having fun falls to the way side. This creates a terrible state of affairs where after a while couples forget how to have fun together … Too often I hear couples question whether they still have anything in common or if they ever did, wonder how to rebuild that into their relationship, and struggling with it once they do.

So your loved one finally accepts treatment. A wave of relief washes over the family. There is a glimmer of hope for a future free of the chaos. But the battle isn't over. Treatment is just the beginning. There is no cure for addiction. a good treatment program teaches the addict how to avoid the pitfalls of relapse, but it can not eliminate the cravings to use.

One version of couples struggling that I come across are couples with partners that are codependent. These are the couples that are stuck in patterns that they can’t seem to break, they have a lot of fighting and drama or complete disconnect (conflict avoiding), they feel they are behind their peers in terms of professional and relational achievements, and can’t seem to synchronize on handling the business of creating a joint life and getting their needs met. In these couples the partners show up in two ways:

How do we relate to others? One of the key aspects which influences all our interactions with others is the extent of unconscious co-dependent behaviour that exists in us. Ask yourself this question: Is there anything in my life, right now, that I feel anxious about? Do I feel responsible, in some way, for someone else’s feelings and/or needs? Or, try it this way: Is there any anxiety in me that isn’t about me wanting control of someone’s perception of me because I believe t

Prologue from My New Book FINE…LY: MY STORY OF HOPE, LOVE, AND DESTINY I believe that there are divine reasons for the pregnant pauses in our lives; the times when our life seems to come to a screeching halt and we are rendered powerless over it. Those are the times we should pay especially close attention, for those junctures may be the most profound times in our lives. Though painful, those intervals cause us to sit quietly and come face to face with our true selves. They

Relationship addiction is becoming recognised more and more as a serious problem requiring careful co-dependency counselling. Co-dependency in general terms means two parties in a relationship based on a mutual dependency. Most relationships have a mutual level of healthy dependency. However, some relationships can become addictive, toxic and extremely unhealthy to the point where the relationship addiction begins to affect both parties negatively.nn What is Co-Dependency? nC

When we look outside for self-definition and self-worth, we are giving power away and setting ourselves up to be victims. We are trained to be victims. We are taught to give our power away.

If you love an addict, or live with one, or depend on one in some way, you are probably in, as the old saying goes, nine kinds of pain. And I’m guessing that, whether or not you realize it, the very worst of these pains comes from being confused about the difference between power and control. No, they’re not the same. In some ways, they are opposites. One difference is: power is possible, but control is usually an illusion. Another is: seeking power can set you free, while seeking control can make you crazy. Let me explain.

One of the reasons for the success of the 12 Step programs is that they are based on solid principles that can be applied to many areas of life, and that includes business. A successful company takes stock regularly and turns liabilities into assets. Here are some guidelines for applying the 12 Step principles for managment conflict and resolution in business situations, whether with systems or people. nn 1. Admit there is a problem. nn The very first step in dealing with any

To run a business successfully embracing a new challenge every day is. It indicates exciting to be on the way out to overcome obstacles while keeping ahead of their competitors. Every day is a new plan and new strategies, and objectives must be met with. But some key aspects of running a business, monotonous and repetitive work may be required on a regular basis, but may be impeccable accuracy. A range of work required, but necessary for effective management of the company th

Prescription painkillers, such as Hydrocodone and Oxycontin (both opioids), are highly effective in relieving chronic pain. This is why they are often the first choice in treatment by pain management doctors. Although these drugs are legal when properly prescribed, they are chemically similar to heroin, and can be just as addictive.

Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true "treasure chest" worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!! To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the "gems on the rough" - the hidden treasures. Hidden Treasure #1 - Potential to Heal:

Being seen and accepted for who we are is a basic need that specially plays out in our relationship. I find that the driver behind most conflict and dissatisfaction in relationships has to do with the partners feeling they can't be themselves in one way or another.

Do you know when you get on your partner’s nerves? There is a general underlying theme to the complaints couples usually share and that is that their partner is being egocentric. Egocentrism gets in the way of witnessing our partner’s beauty, gifts and contributions. It keeps us trapped in our mind’s machinations and delusions keeping us from Being our Authentic Self. Egocentrism prevents us from connecting with our partner and from having the relationship we want.

Yesterday afte oon I was in my car, and a song that I hadn’t heard since I was a kid came on the radio. I was surprised that I could remember every word. Where had I been storing that? I started thinking about how amazing the mind is. It houses all of the memories of our past, and then, as quickly as hearing the tune of a song, can retrieve them as though they happened yesterday.

Couple relationships experiencing difficulties can be categorized into two broad styles of relating: temperamental or tenuous, and can fluctuate between these extremes. These relationships are not satisfying, and not likely to succeed – enjoy couples’ inherent synergy, as the partners are spent in their constant efforts to address the impact of their relational style.The partners might feel overwhelmed and exhausted by the level of reactivity in the temperamental relating and/or sad and alone by the distance in the tenuous relating.

This is the time of year that we may get That Christmas Letter from someone who is so successful or seemingly perfect that you think they must have reached celebrity status by now. Do they ever tire of telling you how perfect their life is, how their absolutely perfect children are excelling in school or sports, and Hubby is being promoted, also Wifey is state president of the PTA, their wonderful vacation to wherever-it-is-that-is-fashionable-this-year, year after year, la l

Prescription drug abuse is the most rapidly increasing drug abuse among teens. In 2009, more than one third of teens said they can get prescription drugs to get high within a day; nearly one in five could get them within an hour. Parents set the example and help to create the beliefs their children develop about drug use. Parents must teach their teens that using over-the-counter or prescription medications to get high or alter their mood, is just as dangerous as illegal drugs. It is also against the law for an individual to use prescription medication without being properly prescribed.

Our relationship is one of the biggest, most powerful asset and gift we have in our life! It is a true treasure chest worth a fortune. It can deliver unimaginable heights of satisfaction, peace, joy, love, happiness and success!! To cash-in on this fortune we have to polish the gems on the rough, the hidden treasures. Hidden Treasure #1 – Potential to Heal:

Often times partners share their wondering about how exclusivity, monogamy, and fidelity is possible in a longterm relationship. It is usually the male partners who pose this question when their female counterpart is not present.

I read a while ago, and found it applicable to many areas of our life, that we can handle as much as the span of your wings. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying that God, the Universe, doesn’t bestow (good or bad) onto you more than you can handle? We can use this concept well in our growth, healing and thriving Journey.

Do you find sometimes that when you are doing well or feeling amazing that you question it? That you hold yourself slightly back to prevent disappointment later, because it might just be too good to be true? Well, I had this bad habit for the longest time. Sometimes, I still catch myself going there, and of course immediately course correct. For I’ve learned that’s not too good to be true, but that’s how it’s supposed to be… Enjoy it when you feel it!

Are You Showing Up in Your Relationship these Holidays? The Holidays are always a difficult time of year for people for many reasons. At the risk of adding to the plethora of writing on this topic, I still feel called to share with you how you can use this time as an opportunity for change and creating an amazing life and relationship. I invite you to look at the Holidays not as something to endure, get through and manage, but as a fertile ground of new possibilities.

With the 4th of July just around the corner, I usually like to write about Freedom around this time. I was inspired to write more about feelings, emotions and their relationship to Freedom… It is an obvious fact that some people are very emotional and others barely even notice how they feel… Emotions have to do with feeling in the body, and feelings have to do with naming the emotions and owning them with awareness.

All happy families resemble one another; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own fashion.” From Anna Karenia by Leo Talstoy Mental illness in a family may be passed down from one generation to another. It can be hereditary or acquired. It may come from stress, brain injury, traumatic experiences, child abuse, substance abuse, a chemical exposure, organic causes or a family coping pattern. Statistics show that one in every four people has a short or long term mental or emotional illness.

Years ago I sat in a supervision group with a group of collages in which we discussed various cases. We were all new at this counseling thing, and frequently brought our “worst” cases to the group for any sort of help we could get. One particular day someone brought up a couple they were counseling, and reported they were at a horrible impasse. The therapist had tried communication skills, Cognitive Restructuring, Family Sculpting……. I think you get the idea. The couple just

Continuing with our Freedom theme, picking-up where we left off with reparenting around Fathering/Discipline (to reprogram ourselves), and combining it with more Summer goodness. Why not?

Break the Rules Preventing an Awesome Relationshipr Do you experience déjà vu, broken records and same old stories in your disagreements with your partner? Do you feel stuck and find yourself repeating patterns and fights without knowing how to break the impasse? You are not alone … This is an unfortunate common experience in relationships. I have cracked the code for breaking the impasse … and want to help you apply this in your relationship. There are three steps to this process: 1) Recognizing the pattern (observation and acknowledgment)

Codependent behavior is not actually classified as a disorder by most doctors or the medical association. It is listed as a group of behaviors that are maladaptive. This indicates that the codependent person ignores the problem, such as stressful thoughts and circumstances, and attempts to ...

There is truly nothing better than a full heart… When we appreciate, recognize, and are Grateful we Transcend to a higher estate infused with joy and bliss… If you are looking for the magic bullet in life, this is it… We can do our Gratefulness Practice for two reasons: One, because it just feels great and has a major positive impact in our life. Two, because being appreciative, thankful, and acknowledging makes others feel good. This is a win-win.

Thoughts for Growing through Prayer Steps to SerenitynnCame to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. — The Second Stepnn“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds.” declares the LORD, “because you are called an outcast.” — Jeremiah 30:17nnIn the Second Step to Serenity, Day 8, in my book "Prayer Steps to Serenity," I wrote, “I joyfully believed and affirmed that a Power greater than myself could substantially heal my

It’s amazing how often I hear that people don’t have the time to do self-care… When their lives literally depend on it… I’m not sure if they look at self-care as a luxury – like having a spa day or laying on a chaise eating bonbons – that they shouldn’t have? But really, in this day and age to not prioritize self-care when it at the very least increases resilience? I look at self-care as a duty and a responsibility to ensure our wellbeing, and our ability to show up with our Best Self and create the relationship and life we desire… It is our duty to Embrace the Art of Self-Care…

Are you taking advantage of the incredible insight of your dreams? If not, you should be. Your dreams are full of wisdom. It is one of the ways that your inner guide speaks to you. Some people don't think that they dream, but everybody does. Many times, dreams are just forgotten within moments of waking up.

Codependency can often cause individuals to lose themselves in their relationships. They ignore their own feelings, needs and problems. Instead, they choose to obsess over the person that they "love." They are obsessed with the other person's feelings and needs. Although you would think that ...

When I was young, they told me that being selfish was bad. They said that I should think of others first. I didn’t understand. What did they mean and why did they say that? I felt the terrible burn of shame when they said I was being selfish and self-centered. I couldn’t figure out what I had done wrong. I was only trying to tell them what I wanted, was trying to get what I wanted or get more of what I wanted. What was wrong with that?nnSince that time, I have turned all

This is an interesting question, because there are some mental health professionals, as well as family heads, that believe codependency is a myth and that there is nothing wrong with “excessive care.” The belief is that while some people may find overbearing family members or friends troubling, ...

If you are looking for codependency information then you may have noticed that the definition of codependent can imply many different behaviors and symptoms. The essence of the codependent definition is that a person will demonstrate excessive caring, to the point that it is inappropriate or ...

One of the love languages is Words of Affirmation (book referenced above). Words of affirmation come in many forms including praise, acknowledgement, credit, recognition, validation, compliments, and appreciation. Each of these are a gift in and of themselves. When you use these, you show your partner that you notice and see them, appreciate them, like and accept them, that you are proud of them, that you cherish them, that you understand and get them.

Codependents sometimes seem almost misplaced. You seem to have a hard time relating to whom you truly are and for that reason you have a hard time setting boundaries. You have a hard time saying no to people and you let people cross the line of what should be your boundaries and hurt you. You tend to lose your sanity, your self-respect and yourself within relationships. It is not wrong to give to others. It is when others take more than you are willing or able to give them t

Understanding codependency characteristics first involves understanding where this behavior comes from. Like any pattern of behavior, codependency is learned from family members. Codependency is a survival characteristic, one that is used as a coping mechanism with stressful situations. Much ...

Take a close look at the life of any person struggling with addiction, and you will likely find at least one family member or friend 'helping' that person. Somebody making it easier for the addict to continue in the progression of their disease. This behavior is called enabling. The problem is that this form of helping is actually hurting.

3 Quick and Easy Steps to Overcome Overwhelm and Feel Happy, Healthy and Confident - in as little as 21 days.

Click the link to order your free introductory Sedona Method tape and learn to release the underlying feelings that cause co-dependency. Proven effective by a Harvard Medical study

PsychResources.net is a free service that provides online counseling resources for a number of difficulties including relationships, family conflict and self-esteem.

Just Be Publishing, Inc. books, e-books and audiocassette tapes created to assist the loved ones of the substance-addicted find inner healing and recovery through awareness, self-love, changed perception and non-judgement.