Getting a Divorce! How to Let Go of Your Ex

Getting past the divorce or breakup is an emotional journey. There are stages that one goes through while releasing and letting go of a loved one. A certain amount of grieving is expected, normal, and necessary before reaching a point of letting go. Similar to a physical wound on your body, it is OK to bleed for a while before the blood clots and you are on your way to healing the wound. Similarly, emotional wounds bleed in the form of feelings of loss, feeling sick, being unable to focus, shattered dreams, emptiness, loneliness, and feeling like you will never love again or find anyone else. For the time being, it may feel like you are on an emotional roller coaster, going crazy, and feeling out of control. You need to change the way life used to be. You are no longer a couple. You need to redefine your life. Here are the first steps you can take to get to the other side.

Keep a positive attitude; remember, your goal is to heal and recover from life's curve ball. The goal is to get unstuck and go on to reach your potential to live a happy and healthy relationship.

Are you really sure that a floor can't also be a ceiling? ~ M. C. Escher

You gave your best in your last relationship. Many of you gave to your relationship above and beyond in the name of love. Life is such that unexpected things happen. Depending on your spiritual beliefs, this may turn out to be God's way of moving and propelling you forward to greater things. Releasing a relationship after the divorce requires inner strength. So let's hold your head up high, stand tall, and firm. Stand erect with your shoulders back. Resolve to yourself mentally to meet disappointment and discouragement head on. Resolve to move yourself out of this funk. Consider this to be a liberating opportunity to redesign your life.

It is important to not give up on your future or your dreams over this minor setback. In the greater scheme of life, divorce is a small blip on your life's radar. Ultimately you are still in charge, with the necessary strength and courage within you to find a way out of your current situation.

If your relationship with your ex was of any significance, writing a letter to him or her will be an important exercise in restoring peace and getting closure. Expressing your emotions, thoughts, and feelings on paper helps reduce sadness and pain. If things were left unsaid, they have tendency to weigh the heaviest on your mind. Therefore, writing and expressing them on paper relieves the mental burden. It is a way to reduce harboring of hurt feelings, to express things unsaid, to air disagreements that were never settled, or clear up any grudges and petty differences. This exercise frees you to move forward with less weight and baggage to go on to form healthy and happy relationships in the future.

Note: Please keep in mind you are writing a letter with no hope for reconciliation, no expectation of a response, but from a point of saying good-bye, making peace, letting go, and moving on. You do not have to give your ex the letter. The best thing to do with the finished letter is to symbolically bury it or burn it. It represents the death of old memories and feelings, and readiness to welcome in the new.

The goal of letting go is to stop the pain and hurt to release some of the agony. Letting go is realizing you do not have control over your Ex's thoughts and actions. The only person you can control is yourself. It takes strength to let go. It requires consistent action on your part to let go. All healing is done by you and is up to you and will require conscious effort and actions on your part.