Having Healthy Self-Esteem

Self-esteem occurs when you make a conscious decision to value yourself and not see yourself as being less valuable than others. It comes from inside of us. You still feel other emotions such as guilt, anger and fear, but your self-esteem stays undamaged.

Your self-esteem may have become damaged in your childhood. A significant caregiver of your past gave you messages that you were not as good as you should be. They did not esteem you in the appropriate way. These messages then became part of your own opinion of yourself. You believed the messages that you were worth less than others.

You may have never learned to value yourself from within. You may have false self-esteem revolving around your possessions based on what you ‘have’. If you do not have good self-esteem, you judge yourself harshly. Sometimes you build your self-esteem on what is beyond your control, which is dependent upon the choices of others and how they view you.

Often what people refer to as thinking with regards to your self-esteem is actually just taking the opinions of others and reprocessing them. Thinking independently actually develops self-esteem within you. Being responsible for yourself without relying on the opinions of others will enhance your self-responsibility, which is essential to self-esteem.

Taking control of your own lives is the foundation of honoring yourself. When you learn self-acceptance, you will grow. You were born a remarkable being. You are honoring yourself when you start treating yourself as though you are valuable. This doesn’t mean you don’t wish to change and evolve, it just means you accept who you are.

Having healthy self-esteem is a process where you lose needing others approval and you learn to develop your own appreciation for yourself. You also learn how to accept compliments from others. You may have had a hard time doing that because you did not see yourself as worthy of any praise.

But you are worthy. You have the right to stand up for yourself. You have the right to say no to things you do not want in your life. You don’t have to take on additional responsibilities you are not ready for. You don’t have to compromise your integrity because others want you to do something you don’t want to. And you never have to feel guilty or apologize for what you do, think or feel.

You must love yourself before you can truly love others. If you don’t love yourself, you will continue looking outside yourself for confirmation of your worth. Once you build your self-esteem and start extending that self-esteem and honoring others, you may be amazed at what it does for your relationships.

© 2007 Lori Klauser