Help! My friend is in an abusive relationship!

This is very common, so we should all understand what we are dealing with here. This is virus that once you have been exposed, it takes over your body and effects you to the point of near death. We should all think of this like the plague. It can happen to anyone if you get close enough.

So you have a friend or loved one who is being abused in some way or another by their partner. This is sadly becoming commonplace in our world. Once you escape an abusive situation you become acutely aware of all kinds of abuse and can spot it almost everywhere. Trust me when I tell you that one cannot just tell someone that their partner is abusive and that they should leave, and expect them to agree with you then take the necessary steps to leave. Choice of words will make a huge difference when you want to effectively help someone understand that their relationship is abusive. I had every person around me telling me to leave, but still I couldn't leave. Now, there are multiple reasons for that, but bottom line here is what they told me did not work. This is why I feel with such conviction that I have a bigger purpose in getting this message out there, and helping as many people as possible. This is a sticky situation and no one can truly understand unless they are going through it.

First, I would ask as many questions as possible. Ask questions about how they are being treated. Some questions which started my transition into leaving were things like, "Do you think that other people would do this to you? Is this what you think is normal? Can't you find a bunch of other men that would never dream of treating you this way? Is this how you want to be treated for the rest of your life? Do you think you deserve to be really happy?" These are just a few questions I remember being asked when I made a huge leap in my journey towards freedom. The key is to ask questions, and to avoid continuously telling the person they should leave, or just plain telling them the obvious. It takes the not so obvious to make a difference or impact. Explain the logic, but avoid sounding confrontational or controlling and serious. This will only remind them of their abusive partner and land on deaf ears.

You may be someone who has been telling your friend to leave for some time now, and it's probably white noise, or in one ear out the other, to your friend by now. If this is the case, getting outside enforcements will ALWAYS help. A little trick that worked for me is to get someone of the opposite sex(who is single) to talk to them and ask them some questions. It may be hard to get your friend or family member away long enough for this, or even alone at all, but do what you have to do to get them alone. Be creative. Get them in front of someone from the opposite sex(the more attractive the better) to ask important questions and give honest feedback. Surprisingly enough, it might just take someone outside of their normal circle to get through to them.

Please act as soon as you can, and do not EVER give up. You do not know what they have gone through, and what they are up against on a daily basis, so just stay persistent. Start with these suggestions, and go from there. As long you do not give up on your friend or family member, there is a chance. It's only when people are given up on, that people also give up on themselves.

If any of this sounds remotely familiar, please sign up for weekly posts and learned lessons. It could change someone's life completely, or even save a life. Also, look out for my book coming soon!