Browse Domestic Violence and Abusive Relationships

Do what You Must, Even When You Think You Can't That is the secret to succeeding at anything. Remember the story, 'The Little Engine That Could'? "I think I can..." When presented with a task, any task, except of course things like brain surgery, crank up the confidence. Go with it and tell yourself, 'I Can Do This...' Change the problem into a challenge and tackle it with enthusiasm. Pump yourself up with "I CAN DO THIS!" Stop the fear of failure in its tracks.

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Have you ever wondered why the world is the way it is today? I have. I have come to the conclusion that the world is in the predicament it is in because the majority of people focus on what they don't like. I would suggest that all of the whiners stop whining and turn their attention to making the world a better place. Think in terms of solutions, not how the other guy is doing something you don't like. If you don't like the way one does something then it is your responsibility to do it better.

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In my first marriage I was afraid of the man's words. He told me that I was stupid, which I am not; he told me no one else would want me, which was a lie. He got in my face and screamed at me for everything. I was afraid that every hateful thing he'd ever said about me was true. I was afraid that I could not raise and support a child on my own because I was so worthless. I was afraid that my son would grow up to be like his dad, and that is what put my feet in motion. In my second marriage I was fearful of the man.r

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Verbal abuse is probably the most common form of abuse exercised today, but it is also one form of abuse that is not publically recognized. Children experience verbal abuse at the hands of their parents, school mates and others; growing up thinking it is a normal way to behave. As adults, they then exercise this type of abuse on others they interact with, because it is what they know. Most abusers grew up in abusive homes and learned to deal with life this way. This is not an excuse for their behavior, but it is a reasonable explaination.

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The Tribute in Light I join with you in honoring the lives that were taken, the ones that were given in service, and the ones that life breathed the breathe of promise & hope into. Good Morning I stand in awe this morning as I reflect on the 10th Anniversary of a historical day when our great Nation was attacked. I would like to invite you into an open space with me. A space that allows your heart and mind to be open to inspiration, reflection and a commitment.

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You have watched and worried about your daughter or friend who married several years ago. She and her husband have attended family dinners and outings. As parents and friends, you have seen bruises on her; a black eye one time and a bruise on her cheek another. You have carefully approached her yet she denies that anything abusive is happening. She is quick to answer when questioned as if the answers have been pre-orchestrated.

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Mark and Valerie had just left a movie. Hand in hand, they strolled toward their car and suddenly heard shouting and screaming. They stopped walking. The mall parking lot was well lit. They listened, scanned the area but did not see nor hear anyone. As Mark opened the door to their car, they heard the loud voice again. A male voice. “Leave me alone! “he shouted. This has gone on long enough. I’m filing for divorce. You’re a sick woman! You just broke my nose! You need professional help. I’ll take a cab and pick up my car and the kids at the house. Just leave!” Then silence.r

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Domestic Violence and Honesty: Are you protecting your abusive spouse/partner?

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“Mommy, Mommy,” cried the seven year old. “You have blood on your face and in your hair,” she said in a fearful voice. “It’s okay sweetheart. Mommy just fell in the shower.” She was silent for a moment than said, “I heard Daddy yelling at you last night. It woke me up. Will he hurt my sister and me too?” Her mother lied. “No honey. Daddy didn’t do this. He loves us. You must have had a bad dream.”

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Leaving an abusive spouse can be very traumatic, however, you are not alone. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, an estimated 1.3 million women are victims each year and the numbers are growing. In so many cases, you as the victim of Domestic Violence are under the control of your partner. He can be very loving and kind one moment and abusive the next. It can be very difficult to leave someone you may love, but it is important to focus on your future; a future without violence, abuse and fear. Planning ahead is crucial.

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According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, the power and control of verbal abuse is certainly a form of domestic violence. I was in a grocery store several days ago when I heard a man speaking to his partner in a low voice. So I pretended to look through various products on the shelves in front of them. The man said in a low growl, "if you buy that, I'll take your car keys for a week. Do you understand me?"

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We have all been hurt or damaged in some way by the actions of another. Once the shock has worn off over what happened, we are often left with bitte ess and resentment at the other person. We hold on to the pain and by doing so, we end up creating a barrier around our heart. This barrier protects us from harm, but it also prevents us from receiving love from others. This fear of what may happen again prevents us from being able to receive the gift of love today.

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Is This Your Mantra for the month of February ? Or for the whole year? HEY Cupid! We Gotta Talk…..Your Aim SUCKS! Did this Valentine’s Day leave you loveless again? Confused? Heartbroken? Curious as to what makes love come alive for some, yet seem a dreadful deadening normalcy for others? Maybe even yourself? There’s hope :) And I can help! Valentine’s Day may be over, but the love is just beginning for you…..Keep reading! It begins February 28th, 2011….

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The Five Love Languages By Stacie Campanelli How many of us are familiar with the 5 Love Languages? Are you curious or interested to learn & discover or re-discover what your first Native language is? According to Gary Chapman, best selling author of the book The 5 Love Languages, we all have 5 languages of love that we live by and respond or react to daily. These are wonderful tools for communication and make great gift ideas for Valentine's Day :) The following are the 5 languages and their basic descriptions:r

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No harm no foul they say about the little white lies we all tell. Yet what do we do whenever we find ourselves in compromising situations? How do we disguise the lies we tell in the name of, or for the sake of "love"? Love lies in disguise. Kept a secret so as not to rock the boat, we stuff how we really feel. What we truly want. Thinking that if we do this, we will surely be loved. That's a lie.

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Has this become your Man-tra? I Can Help Dear Love sco ed friend, Does it seem like everyone you know is in a happy relationship, except you? Do you know what your dream person looks like? Do you know their passions and interests? How will you know when you meet the right person? Do you even care anymore?

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Have any idea what that one resolution could be? Patience? Faith? Intention? Action? Courage? While all of these are wonderful attributes, and definitely add a critical element to our accomplishments, none of them are the one resolution that’s needed. The only arrow required to shoot straight to the center of all your targets is evolution. Resolve to evolve. That’s it. It’s that simple. Courageously resolve to evolve. When we are learning, we are growing, and when we are growing, we are moving towards our goals.

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By Stacie Campanelli The infinite gifts of Communication. The beauty of the beholder. The sweetest smell ever imagined is ingested by the aroma of surrender. The truth. The Honesty. The heart. She pumps, she beats, she hungers, and she cries out....Sometimes so loud in silence that the body speaks what the lips withhold. A treasure so priceless and rare, that few have the ability to hold, while many are eluded to her grasp.

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There are few things in life more agonizing than realizing that despite our best efforts, an important relationship cannot be sustained. Sometimes the pain of this realization is too much to bear. Instead of accepting the truth, we slip into denial. We pretend that the problems don’t exist. We delude ourselves into thinking that everything will work out with just a little more time. Or we may acknowledge things are beyond repair, yet still refuse to let go. Instead of moving on, we allow ourselves to remain in a situation that is increasingly damaging to our self-esteem.

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Prayer for Peace of Mindr Don’t Let the Devil Stop You! Regardless of the circumstances, regardless of the pressure, regardless of the delays, don’t let the devil stop your progress. You know God has spoken to you, His word has resounded in your mind over and over. You dream about it, you think about it, you long for it… but every time you try to move forward something thwarts your progress. That thwarting is the devil. The devil knows if he lets up on you, you will do powerful things for the Kingdom of God.

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When we are in love, time seems to fly by as our world is governed by the next meeting, the next contact, the next kiss. The minutes take hours to pass when we are waiting to meet our loved ones after work; but pass by so quickly as we indulge in hour-long phone calls.

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For thousands of women all over the world the concept of domestic abuse is a part of their daily lives. But while many unaffected people in society presume that the only danger a woman (or child) is in is during a physical or sexual attack, the reality is that women who live with an abusive partner are on the alert for an attack every waking moment of every single day.

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There are times in life when feelings can run high and when anger that has been simmering under the surface, bubbles over into full blown chaos. This was the case yesterday during the student demonstration against the planned hike in university fees. In such environments, one angry person is not good -especially for that person‘s health: two people can create a spark that once goes off, can lead to an anger related outburst and -in the case of the protestors yesterday- 52,000 angry people is a recipe for full blown confrontation and mayhem.

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I recently had an email from one of my readers, who felt very irate about what he described as the "M" omission in my articles on abusive relationships. He went on to explain that although he agreed with WHAT I said about abusive relationships, in his view it had all been said before, and did nothing to address the issue of WHY there is such an epidemic of abusive relationships.

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This is the first of a series of articles about psychopaths, narcissists and other lovers and the contribution they make to Intimate Partner Violence. Perhaps you are familiar with the story about the frog placed in a pan of cold water on a cooker with the heat turned up gradually. The frog will stay there until it is gradually boiled to death. The same frog, if placed straight into boiling water would immediately leap out.

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I am a great fan of technology and all the ways it enhances our lives and businesses, however it gives rise to a particularly 21st Century phenomenon, Cyber-stalking. Cyber-stalking is defined as non-consensual communication that causes fear and alarm, where some people use the internet as a weapon to threaten and harass others. According to recent reports, it has now become more frequent than physical stalking to the point where agencies have been set up to combat this trend and to protect the vulnerable and the naive.

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I often see young women who are suffering from depression, as well as being unhappy (not the same thing). When we peel back the layers of their life a bit, and I ask about their relationship with their husband, often they say, "oh yes, we're fine", then they rattle on to tell me how many years they have been together, almost as if the more years it has been the more "fine" they must be.

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"The psychological impact of subordination to coercive control may have many common features, whether that subordination occurs within the public sphere of politics or within the private sphere of sexual and domestic relations ...... the psychology of the victim is shaped by the actions and beliefs of the perpetrator" Judith L Herman 1992

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In the thirty plus years that I have been involved in working with either victims or perpetrators of domestic abuse, and the professionals involved with them, one of the most difficult decisions for the parties involved and for the professionals working with them is “Can this relationship ever change?

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If you have been in an abusive relationship that appears to be getting worse, then it is better to make a plan for how to get out safely while you can think straight. Research shows that one of the times that victims of domestic abuse are most at risk is when they are leaving or have just left, so, it is important to create a safety plan in advance.. You may never need to implement your plan, but if you do, the knowledge that you have one in place will allow you to focus on getting away safely.

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This is very common, so we should all understand what we are dealing with here. This is virus that once you have been exposed, it takes over your body and effects you to the point of near death. We should all think of this like the plague. It can happen to anyone if you get close enough.

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Healing from an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things to do. Many people never truly heal, and thus stay a victim for the rest of their life. Learn how you can start the healing process to become a better you! Healing from an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things to do. Many people never truly heal, and thus stay a victim for the rest of their life. Learn now how you can start the healing process to become a better you!

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Healing from an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things to do. Many people never truly heal, and thus stay a victim for the rest of their life. Learn how you can start the healing process to become a better you! Healing from an abusive relationship is one of the hardest things to do. Many people never truly heal, and thus stay a victim for the rest of their life. Learn now how you can start the healing process to become a better you!

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Constantly leaving and being persuaded back into the trap of an abusive relationship is a cycle that needs to stop, and you can stop right now. This cycle will not end until you completely end all contact with your partner. Do not under estimate the power they have over you, and stop pretending that you will leave if it gets to that point. Trust me, it is already at that point. If you leave once, or even threaten to leave because he/she was abusive and return, then you are living this cycle of abuse. Even the strongest person can fall into this vicious cycle.

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Our environments are all that matters. The people in it have a direct impact on the quality of our lives. Ways to ensure a life free from abuse and torment, is to clean out your environment. No matter how small or insignificant the interactions may be, we must always be aware that everything will either contribute positively or negativity into our lives. The people you live with or play with or work with will either help you or bring you down.

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Tantra is a manifestation art. It is a place where we can move from mediocrity to the full extent of our joy. Tantra is a joyous art, one that will take us to great places if we allow it. The word Tantra is a Sanskrit word that has more than one English translation. The one that I feel expresses the essence of Tantra is: To Expand One's Consciousness.

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Forgiveness is a topic that is hard for people to come to terms with. Many people have their own views and opinions about forgiveness. Whether you choose to forgive your abuser or offender or you choose not to forgive, the choice is yours. Forgiveness is a choice. But before you decide whether to forgive or not to forgive, first read the benefits of forgiving and dangers of not forgiving. This will enable you to make a better-informed decision.

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Educating the next generation to make positive choices regarding healthy and unhealthy relationships. Domestic violence and abuse continues from generation to generation. Children who witness domestic violence in the home have a 50% chance of experiencing some sort of abuse as adults - whether they become abusive or become abused, either way, they will see it as "normal". Our youth are our future, and we as adults, need to take an active interest in teaching them what constitutes a healthy or unhealthy relationship.

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Domestic Violence and abusive relationships start will small things and develop into behavioural and thought patterns. Identify how you got there, so you can follow the path to the future you really want. Understanding the behaviours and patterns is the first step to changing your life for the better. Abuse tends to be based upon insecurities, fears and the inability to control their own life. It normally starts with seemingly small and insignificant comments and builds up unnoticed.

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We all walk in the dark and each of us must learn to turn on his or her own light. ~Earl Nightingale I lived in Darkness for almost eighteen years with Fear, Anger, Isolation, Loneliness, Embarrassment and Denial as my roommates, and they all F A I L E D me. Fear took away my voice when my abuser threatened to take my children; when police officers served me with a restraining order for defending myself; when mental health professionals labeled me “embittered and enraged” when I told them about the abuse.

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Everything happened so fast. That morning I was strangled to near unconsciousness by my abusive husband because I wouldn’t get an abortion, and that night I’m in the emergency room at Fort Bragg being admitted in pre-term labor. The doctors tried to stop the labor, but it was all in vain – the medication wasn’t working. One labor pain came, then the second pain came and I was being rushed into the delivery room, begging and screaming at the doctor not to take my twins. It was too early!

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With a relationship that never ended in marriage; a relationship that brings forth an offspring as a blessing in disguise and; a relationship that ends on a bad note with the unmarried couple finally breaking up, establishing a child's custody gets difficult and challenging. It is as difficult as resolving a property dispute between two people but not as easy as deciding who will keep the furniture and who will keep the car.

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Many of us today pay top dollar for expensive products. Most of these products are all the same just made different.Being a License Massage Therapist and certified Aromatherapist, I have come to learn what essential oils can do for us.When you have a headache, take some Lavender and smell of it and most will find that your headache will go away. Lavender is also great for relaxation as Peppermint revives us. We don't need a wake up pill to do it for us. Being healthy can be a job, but if you love yourself give essential oils a try. I am here to answer any questions you may have.

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Have you ever wanted to heal one of your relationships, and you didn’t know how or where to start? I’ve experienced some tumultuous upsets in some of my relationships over the past year, and wanted to find a way to heal the issue within myself before approaching the person involved. I turned my attention to two powerful tools, and combined them for an effective process for healing relationships with others without needing to interact with them.

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Wholeness is defined as an undivided or unbroken completeness or totality with nothing wanting. Because our sexual energy is the life force that creates us and animates us in our bodies, I believe sexual wholeness encompasses all of who we are. When we free our sexual energy and use it to feed all aspects of our lives, we gain full access to our aliveness, our passion, our joy, and an endless stream of creative energy. The 5 Keys to Sexual Wholeness 1. Access and clear sexual wounding and shame

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I have been through my own arduous jou ey of sexual healing, and now my passion is to assist you on yours. Having made a full recovery from childhood sexual abuse and adult sexual addiction, my life's work is now helping others do the same. While I acknowledge that the jou ey is never really over, I know that I have fully reclaimed my self esteem and have a beautiful, joyful life full of love. I want that for you, too.

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What exactly is an “archetype”? It’s a question I needed an answer to so I could have a way to explain it to others. I had a strong intuitive sense of it, through my direct experience of working with archetypal energies, but I could not for the life of me explain it to anyone else.

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The recent split between Kim and Kris Humphries has been scrutinized to death and Kim has been heavily, and unfairly criticize. The break-up happened because Kim Kardashian came to her senses and realized he wasn’t the catch she thought he was. Why does everyone fault her for that? Clearly, she wasn’t tricked into marriage, but she was living in fantasyland and ignoring, excusing, or reasoning Humphries for things that should have sent her packing soon after they met. You can fault her for that, but not if you understand that she didn’t realize she was forcing the square peg.

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Many colleges offer self defense courses, especially for incoming freshmen, preparing young women with certain skills in physical self defense in case they are ever attacked. This is comforting to parents, but the reality is, their daughters are more likely to be mentally and emotionally intruded upon than attacked, and physical attack will more than likely come from someone they already know or are already in a relationship with~and it will come from someone who got to them mentally and emotionally first. Training in this first line of defense is missing, and desperately needed.

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Divorce is always good for women, if not right away, then eventually. I say this because women typically do not divorce on a whim, they do so after years sacrificing their wants and needs for the benefit of others, until they finally learn that unhappiness is not par for the course.

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An article about Chris Brown captured my attention recently because of the title, "The Real Reason Everybody Hates Chris... Brown, That Is (It's Not Why You Think)". It was written by Keli Goff, an Author, Commentator, and Contributing Editor at TheLoop.21.com.

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This morning, March 22, 2011, Chris Brown made an appearance on Good Morning America to promote his new album F.A.M.E., which stands for “forgiving all my enemies,” he said. He quickly became uncomfortable and irritated by Robin Roberts as she interviewed him, barely probing into his past to address what was on everyone's mind. Brown didn’t like it one bit, and his body language spoke volumes when Roberts asked questions about a change in the restraining order against him.

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Mel Gibson strikes again, and this time, his disgraceful tirades have been caught on tape and released for all to hear. His behavior has generated a domestic violence investigation and some surprising discussions amongst celebrities, some whom are more upset about the tapes being made public on RadarOnline.com, than they are about what the tapes revealed. Like it or not, public exposure is exactly what was needed, and it was warranted.

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A destructive man has to get traction with a woman in order to establish power and control.

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Thank you Scott Brown, newly elected Senator of Massachusetts, for offering up your daughters at your victory speech last night. First, as a Republican, you shocked the political world by taking the seat, then you shock everyone else with your outrageously inappropriate “wit”. It appears we have elected yet another questionable man into office. The men who stood behind Brown as he gave his speech last night were not laughing in fun, they were savoring dirty ideas and snickering at the filthy thoughts Brown planted in their minds about his own children.

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On January 6, 2010, HANES dropped Charlie Sheen as their advertising star. Yeah HANES! I am going to stock up on tighty-whities just to show my support for your decision to ditch the disordered wife-beater who has a history of disgraces against women. This deserves attention as the message seems clear: threaten or abuse your wife, and it’s over for you in the underwear department. Yes, forget the shirt men, you now have far more to lose, finally.

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Any man who hits a woman is not a man who can be trained not to hit a woman; it is one of the lowest things a man can do. It cannot be undone, and it cannot be explained; he will not grow out of it or find someone whom he won’t abuse. His aggression speaks to his raw character and tells you all you need to know about him in one fell swoop. Men don’t hit women because they loose control, make a mistake, or because they were provoked. It is a choice they make every time it happens; it is about maintaining dominance. It is about their insecurity.

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When dealing with a bad guy, your requests, desires, and feelings have to play second to other things in his life. In the beginning, he will put his new gal in low priority as a test of her willingness to bend to his wishes, to see if she will cut herself out at her own expense and pain. Destructive men simply need their women to be a certain way, and in their search for the ones who are highly sentimental and highly empathetic-two of the biggie traits he needs you to have, he will absolutely test you to see if you have these traits, and to see how accessible they are.

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Women who end up with destructive, abusive, toxic men, have tested 88-95% higher in certain traits than other women. It is no accident or bad luck that you landed a guy that creates chaos and harm in your life; it means you have been found by a destructive guy. Before they know it, women get swept off their feet and are quickly caught up in relationships where they are harmed financially, emotionally, mentally, professionally, spiritually, sexually, physically, or some combination thereof.

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Here we are, once again, outraged by Gibson’s racist and misogynistic remarks. The audio tapes of Mel Gibson tearing into his ex-girlfriend reveal the truth about this man once and for all; he doesn’t deserve any more support.

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One of the hardest things to know as a parent, is when to call it quits with our partner. We tolerate more than we should from each other so that we can keep it together for the sake of the kids, yet they see us growing more distant and miserable each day, with no resolution or peace in sight. Our patterns of negative communication erode our sensitivity and compassion for each other, stunting our children’s emotional and communication development, yet there we stay, unwilling to face the truth that our marriage is a disaster.

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On CNN’s (HLN) SHOWBIZ TONIGHT with AJ Hammer (January 7, 2010), talking head Brooke Anderson stated: “...Charlie Sheen has had a bad boy reputation for a long time, so people aren’t shocked when he does something out of line, but, if these domestic violence allegations are true, he does need some serious help, the two of them need some serious counseling...before it gets to an extremely dangerous point.” Surely, a knife at your throat is already an extremely dangerous point.

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If you return to the dating scene after you’ve been with a destructive man and think you don’t need to plan, then I guarantee that you will end up picking your default dude, or should I say, your default dud. If you are not being intentional in picking your new mate, that is exactly what you will get, a dud, and quite possibly, another destructive one. Women who have been with destructive men often rush into new relationships before they have had time to process what happened, and before they understand what to do differently.

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Women who are coming out of destructive relationships have been the most invisible women on the planet. We have been silent for a long time, our lives lacking normal, responsive, interactive, and respectful communication. When our silence finally breaks, however, we suddenly can’t be stopped. We unload stories and examples of what our life has been on anyone who will listen, barely in need of prompting.

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As women, we typically give, and want, more in relationships than men; we want nice homes and solid families, not just some roof over our heads and a bunch of people co-existing together--although that sure would be easier. Nope; we want constant connection; we want the fairy tale. We are driven to “nest” and we nurture conditionally, we just don’t admit that out loud-but women need to start honoring the conditions nature instilled, because it is women who carry the burden with the disadvantages when things head south.

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