***Home For The Holidays Survival Guide

As we move closer and closer to our annual ritual of the holiday season, many of us will be visiting our families of origin. Going home to be with parents, siblings, and close relatives can be a time of great joy and family fellowship. But for some, the visit can be a paradox. Joyous feelings and family traditions can be overshadowed by anxiety, uncomfortable emotions, and memories of a difficult past. It can be awkward or even painful for those who do not perceive their families as easy or supportive.

As an adult, you may have spent time and energy healing your old wounds and releasing past disappointments. You decided to make peace with yourself and those who raised you. With the perspective of hindsight, you understood that your parents and relatives did the best that they could at the time. Overall, you feel so much stronger and in control.

Then you head home . . . In a matter of minutes you can fall right back into your old roles and patterns. It seems nothing has changed. Being out of your environment and back into theirs can trigger old emotional reactions. It may be difficult to express who you really are when in the midst of a family that never evolved past their old attitudes and behaviors. As a result, your childhood beliefs and emotions can bubble back to the surface. You may once again feel invisible, isolated, or misunderstood. Suddenly, no matter what you have achieved so far, when you go home to your family, you are still a kid on some level.

Before you head home this year, develop some personal self-support strategies to keep your spirits high. Instead of leaving things to chance, take some time, a pad of paper, and begin devising your own personal survival plans. To get you going in the right direction, consider these ten ideas.

1. Stay Connected to YourselfnBring meaningful items with you to create a sense of connection with your inner spirit. Pack along anything that is light enough and keeps you in touch with your higher self. Perhaps it is a special rock, a favorite inspirational book, or any personal object that has meaning for you. Keep your item visible or in your pocket to help remind you of who you are and how far you have come.

2. Schedule Alone TimenDecide to give yourself plenty of private alone time. Use that time to remember what you value and find ways to connect to it. Light a candle, take a bath, open a small gift to yourself, and write in your jou
al about what is important to you this holiday season.

3. Take an Exercise BreaknIf you have a regular exercise schedule, see if you can stick with it. Too much togethe
ess can be smothering, so go the gym, find a yoga class, or jog around the old neighborhood. If you are not used to exercising, now might be the perfect time to begin! Consider taking a long, slow walk outside while breathing in serenity and peace. Enjoy the holiday atmosphere, take in the lights and decorations, and smile as you enjoy your very own sensual holiday experience. If you don't like the idea of walking alone, grab the dog or the children.

4. Self-EmpowermentnThink personal power - not victim. Remember that you have no control over the behavior of your relatives. Change on their part is unlikely. However, there are things you can do to change how you react. Maintain a sense of light humor throughout your visit and try to let family members be who they are. If possible let go of needing to be understood or approved of by your family. Focus on loving more rather than winning love. Look around your world, and focus on what is important to you. Find ways to expand the love you are on the inside and than share that love with whatever or whoever you choose.

5. Be RealisticnDon't set your expectations too high. Those perfect holiday gatherings portrayed in movies generally are not representative of most families. Also, even though you may be actively involved in your own personal growth, your family may still be locked into unhealthy behaviors and perhaps even unconscious and unaware of their patterns. Learn to set differences aside. Just as you want to be accepted for who you are, decide to accept and tolerate other people's choices and attitudes. You might even consider the possibility that they may feel insecure or unacceptable around you.

6. BreathenHere is a 10 to 20 second suggestion: Take a deep breath, deeper than normal, and hold it in until you notice a little discomfort. At the same time, squeeze your thumb and first finger together (as if you were making the okay sign) for six or seven seconds. Then exhale slowly through your mouth, release the pressure in your fingers, and allow all your tension to drain out. Repeat these deep breaths three times to extend the relaxation. With each breath, allow your shoulders to droop, your jaw to drop and your body to relax. Breathing allows you to find center and remember who you are.

7. Watch Your Alcohol IntakenWith the increased stress and pressures of family, you may be tempted to reach for alcohol to help you deal with the situation. However, whether you are feeling anger, anxiety, sadness, or frustration, alcohol may make your situation worse. After drinking, people sometimes act in ways that they would normally not act. You may be more prone to angry outbursts, cynical snide remarks, arguments, aggression, or violence. In addition, while a little alcohol may make you feel temporarily relaxed, alcohol is a depressant and often makes you feel worse than before. Be aware of how much you are actually drinking. By moderating your alcohol intake, you can take responsibility for your attitudes and behaviors when your family dynamics get out of control.

8. Personal IntegritynChances are that during your visit someone will say something that you find offensive or hurtful. Before lashing out or withdrawing into your shell, take a breath, find the higher ground, and maintain your integrity. Instead of reacting, identify what you really want to do. This might mean laughing off the incident, walking away, standing up for yourself without being combative, or expressing your honest assessment of the situation. If you choose to be assertive, remember that people can have differing beliefs without being in conflict. Listen to what the other person said, summarize what you heard them say, and then ask if they would be willing to hear your perspective. Instead of telling them, "You are wrong," use "I" language (i.e. "I feel strongly about this.")

9. Stay Connected to FriendsnBring your cell phone with you. Go somewhere private and call your friends often. They are your friends because they understand you, and willingly offer love and support. Remember you are not alone in the world. When you are feeling low or lonely, now is the time to reach out and lean on your friends.

10. Connect with SpiritnNo matter what your faith or beliefs, this holiday season take some time daily to simply reflect on the joy of life. Remember the value of quiet time needed to renew your own inner spirit. Focus on your spirit, faith, or beliefs, connect with those who share your beliefs, and share your feelings of love and kindness with others and yourself.

This year, give yourself a drama free holiday by planning ahead and preparing plenty of well thought out survival strategies. Develop a written plan that takes into account your goals for yourself. Knowing your priorities makes it easier to focus your choices and actions on activities that have meaning to you. Give yourself the gift of an empowered, happy holiday!nn