Honour Your NO!

Im discovering more and more just how much we …..especially women, give our power away.
No matter what relationship we are talking about, be it parent-child, husband-wife, teacher-student, even owner-dog, it all starts with power and control. We feel the need to be in control of our lives, and to stand in our power, when in fact we are “not” in control of our lives and we constantly give our power away. My clients lately are confirming this is an epidemic for lack of better words. As I said especially women…let me just clarify, its men too. The only thing we are in control of is ‘ourself’…nothing more - nothing less. How we respond to others and to situations that cross our paths is what we are in control of. What happens, how it happens, other people, these are things we cannot control. Only 10% of what happens is actually the situation or event, the other 90% is our reaction or response. Its how we deal with it, what our emotions are about it and how we see it. If we have an impulse or knee jerk reaction we are not in control and we are giving our power to the person or situation. Learning to breath, count to 10, possibly walk away, take time to think about how to respond, is being in control and standing in your power. We allow or emotions to get the better of us, we feel vulnerable and come from a place of guilt or shame which is actually us trying to protect ourselves.

We have to meet others where they are simply because we cannot control them or how they will behave, we can only control our response to them. Many of my clients tell me that their spouses or exes are Narcissists…..well let me tell you you will never win with a narcissist because they don’t see things in a logical, rational way. They take no accountability and are never responsible for their shortfalls as they play the victim and always blame others. Its always going to be your fault. They take your power away piece by piece and we allow it. We feel the need to justify our actions, why we do what we do or did what we did, so that others will understand our side of the story. Let me say this….You do not need to justify anything when you know your own truth, have control of yourself and are standing in your own power. Seriously…..honour your NO, by saying NO without the need to give an explanation! You do not need to look for acceptance or approval and you do not need to apologize for standing in your power and honouring your NO. We are afraid of what others will think if we say NO! What if they call you a bitch, what if they talk badly behind your back and start rumours about you? What if they do? That is on them, only hurt people, hurt people and only people who are hurting, get hurt. Being assertive, is not being a bitch and its not being a complainer, its having boundaries and standing in your power!!! Honour your no without apology!