How to Become an “Out of Shape” Fitness Nut! Part II

How to Become an “Out of Shape” Fitness Nut!
Part II

Hey All! Hope life is treating you good, or, more appropriately, I hope you are treating life good! I want to start right where I ended last week in Part I of this installment, so if you have not read Part 1, please start there. Alright! Here we go . . .

Step #4: Become Unorganized and Unbalanced with Your Time!
You have heard that the most effective people are those who schedule their time wisely and balance it appropriately. I would like you to take that wisdom, bundle it up, and throw it out the window! If you are truly going to become an “Out of Shape Fitness Nut,” you need to become haphazard and unstructured with your time and scheduling. If you can make time for exercise and good nutrition, great, but don’t plan on it . . . LITERALLY!
You need to accept that we live in a fast-paced world, and it will not slow down for you. Who do you think you are anyway? Take no thought for time management and stress management (Step #1). Weekly and daily planning of your workouts and nutrition is for the birds! Plus, planning takes too much time anyway. It could be better spent getting on with your next business pursuit or personal pleasure that you deserve!
Let’s face it; finding “balance” in your life is nothing more than a “pie-in-the-sky” dream that will likely turn into a nightmare if you try to employ it! So, go ahead, just roll with the punches as they come, and leave your “systems and time management protocols” to the nerds and the geeks of the world.

Step #5 Forsake Your Normal Schedule when You Travel
I have already extolled the virtues of abandoning a regular workout schedule in favor of your hectic lifestyle. If you choose to disregard this timeless wisdom, I would implore you to follow the same advice when vacation or travel arises. Let’s face it, the last thing you want to do when traveling for business or going on vacation is worry about taking care of your body. You have enough stresses as it is when traveling for business, so please do not add insult to injury by keeping a normal nutritional or workout schedule. Just let your hair down and resume your normal habits when you return home.
A quick word about vacationing. Remember that “vacation” is code for abandoning all of your normal lifestyle habits. This includes taking care of yourself with proper nutrition and exercise. Your body knows the difference between vacation and real life and will not count the garbage that you consume on vacation against you. So live it up my friends--you only live once!

Step #6: Do Not Hydrate Yourself Adequately!
We all know that you need water to live, but remember your goal here: if you want to truly become on out of shape fitness nut, you need to train hard in the gym and not drink enough pure unadulterated water throughout the day. Your coffee and energy drinks should suffice. If that does not cut it, be sure to get some fluids from the essential American food group of soda pop. Why drink plain water when you can lend some pizzazz to your taste buds? How stupid can you be?
Remember to burn the candle on both ends and only get an occasional “sip” of water out of the fountain. This should suffice. When in doubt check your pee. If it does not resemble the brilliance of a sunflower, then you are drinking too much and contributing to those pesky metabolic functions that are universal to human metabolism. Lame!
Step #7 Consume Excess Alcohol, Especially on the Weekends!
“Alcohol is a poison,” yells the fitness extremist! I don’t know about you, but I get really tired of people telling me that my spare tire is a by-product of my alcohol consumption! News flash people--alcohol has approxiamately 7 calories to the gram, only two less than fat. Translation: ENERGY, BABY! Haven’t you heard that weights are heavy and take A LOT of ENERGY to move! What better way to get your energy than through this indespensible nutrient, yes nutrient! If you want energy to burn, then my suggestion is this: BOTTOMS UP BABY!
Forget all of the “scientific” literature that tells us that alcohol is indeed a toxic poison that dams our fitness goals because of its harsh metabolic consequences. I guarantee that propaganda is coming from a nerd in a white coat that fills vials for a living. Not my cup of tea (or should I say beer), my friend!

Well, there you have it, my friends! These are a few of the many ways that you can become an out of shape fitness nut. Each of these steps has been proven by studies to contribute to a lifestyle of physical mediocrity and plateau, REAGARDLESS of your training regimen. Remeber that “you can never out train a crappy lifestyle.” I hope you can run with this information and makes changes in your own life where necessary.

Life is good, my friends!

Griff