How to Finally Succeed with Intimacy: Make Sure You Change What Needs a Change Before You Begin a New Relationship

As long as you don’t change whatever it is that you need to change regarding your attitudes about relationships and/or your behaviors with your partners, you will probably end up with similar problems with new partners. The reason being – you always bring yourself into the new relationship. This might sound odd, but the fact is, that you always carry yourself into the new relationship, don’t you? And this is exactly the “problem”: since, without making any change, you always bring your-old-self to the new relationship; you are always “who you have been” with previous partners. This being the case, there is no reason that you will be able to develop a new kind of a relationship without the problems you have been carrying with you into your past ones. Not changing yourself is the problem! You might be changing partners, but as long as you don’t change yourself you might continue to harm your relationships with your new partners time and again. The self-image you have about yourself often doesn’t “match” the person that you are. This is a problem affecting many, not only you. A study conducted in 2010 at the University of London has found that women who observe themselves in the mirror perceive themselves to be fatter than what they really are. The image you have of yourself is not objective. Your self-image is based on many experiences you’ve had in your past as well as in the present. It has developed over the years through your interactions with the environment in which you grew up. In addition, the way you perceive yourself depends on whether you are in love, feeling appreciated and worthwhile. This is an important point to remember, especially if you are on the dating scene: if you feel unworthy, needy and desperate, you come across to your dates as such. The image you project has no mercy, and your dates can “detect” in you – even without them being totally aware of it – your vulnerability. It then goes without saying that they might take advantage of you in one way or another. This all doesn’t mean that you have to pretend to be someone else rather than who you really are. This wouldn’t help you either in your attempts to find a partner with whom to develop a satisfying relationship. What it does say is first, that you need to become aware of your self-image, of the way you perceive yourself to be. Second, that you need to understand the way you perceive yourself and realize how you come across to others whom you date. If, for example, you perceive yourself to have low self-esteem, it will be noticeable by your dates; if you perceive yourself to be needy, it will also be noticeable, and so on and so forth. Going on dates feeling that way about yourself can harm you in the long run and sabotage whatever relationship you might be trying to develop. The reason being, that those who you date will not treat you with respect but rather will try to take advantage of you. After all, you might be an easy prey for their own needs. The best you can do for yourself, therefore, after you have become aware of your self-image and of how others might perceive you, is to determine whether you want to make any inner change and, if so, what should you do in order to make the change. For example: * Is there any way you can increase your self-esteem? * Is there any way you can cope with your neediness? * Is there any way you can combat your feeling of loneliness and not jump into a relationship with everybody who makes a pass at you? If you truly and honestly wish to find a partner with whom to develop a healthy and satisfying relationship, looking back and reflecting about previous partners and relationships and realizing the ways in which you harmed yourself and sabotaged the relationship is a sure way to realize what changes you need to make.