How to Let Go of Anxiety When People You Love Make Poor Choices - Christian Relationship Help

This Christian relationship help answers the question: How to let go of anxiety when people you love make poor choices?

I just got off the phone with a friend distressed over a hurtful and intense argument she had with her husband where both of them brought up all the weapons in their arsenal including past resentments and personal attacks. From the surface, you might say they have serious marriage problems, however, I know that the catalyst for this argument was something else: a teenage daughter making poor choices. They had been dealing with this daughter's lies, drinking, bulimia, and pot smoking for a year. She was now endangering her college scholarship and both parents were feeling anxious, out of control, and powerless. The solution: Put the anxiety and energy onto someone or something else. It was easier for them to argue with each other about stupid things from the past then to admit they had to let go of their daughter's choices.

The closer someone is to us, the more we are affected by their choices. When people we love are acting in ways that we find frightening, we want to do something to force change. When we can't, we feel anxious, and we need to direct that anxiety into action. However, the misguided placement of anxiety onto someone else isn't productive; it is destructive. Here are some things you can do instead:

· Admit your fears, anxieties, and powerlessness to God, yourself, and someone else.

· Do everything you can. You can always influence even when you can't control.

· Choose to let go of the other person's choices and the consequences by respecting their right to make their own choices.

· Make decisions about what you will and will not do in response to their choices.

I encouraged my friend to apologize for her part in the argument, admit her fears to her husband, and promise him she would not turn her anxiety onto him. I hoped he would also apologize and make the same commitment. Next, they need to have a discussion about coming to a consensus on how to respond to their daughter's choices. If they can't come to a consensus, they each need to decide on their own how to deal with their daughter and each other.

Relationship Prayer: God, help me to admit my fears and let go of them by turning them over to you, rather than dumping my anxiety onto others and hurting them in the process.

Relationship Challenge: Use these principles to let go of your anxiety when people close to you make choices you find distressing.

Here's another Christian relationship help and truth: You can learn how to let go of anxiety when people you love make poor choices.