***Humor and the Holidays

Preparing for the holidays can be a bit overwhelming. There’s gift shopping and wrapping, decorating, holiday meal planning, baking, visits to Santa, church services, parties and special events and frequent get-togethers with family and friends. Many women don’t get enough rest because we’re on the go from morning to late at night tending to our endless lists. Often, we find our energy, patience and wallets stretched too thin and the festivities end up being not-so-festive.

Since I’ve always been a great believe
in the restorative value of humor, I want to urge everyone to look for reasons to laugh, or at the very least to smile a lot, during this very special, but often stressful, time of the year. When mishaps or misunderstandings do occur, choose to laugh them off or make light of them.

I hope you’ll get a few good – or even great – laughs from the following couple of “funny emails” I found on a website called www.bestfamilyadvice.com.

The first one is about 9 words women use differently than other people. The second “funny email” is actually a great recipe I think you’ll appreciate for these coming weeks of celebration. Wishing you and yours a joyful, happy and laugh-filled holiday season!

FUNNY EMAIL #1
Subject: 9 WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing:This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine. (Refer to #1 for the meaning of fine.)

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don’t Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. ‘That’s okay’ means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you’re welcome. (I want to add in a clause here – This is true, unless she says ‘Thanks a lot’ – that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say ‘you’re welcome’. that will bring on a ‘whatever’).

(8) Whatever: Is a women’s way of saying a really bad word.

(9) Don’t worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking ‘What’s wrong?’ For the woman’s response refer to # 3.

FUNNY EMAIL #2
Subject: HOLIDAY CHEER

Dear Friends: Since the Season is upon us, I thought I would share one of my favorite recipes with you. Feel free to share it with your friends and loved ones.

Happy Holidays!

CHRISTMAS CAKE

Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
nuts
1 bottle Jose Quervo
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the Quervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Quervo again.
To be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar.
Beat again.
At this point it’s best to make sure the Quervo is still OK.
Try another cup…just in case

Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Quervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something.
Who giveshz a crap. Check the Quervo

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don’t forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window,
Finish the Jose Quervo and kick the cat.