Irressolutions, or What to STOP Doing in the New Year

New Year’s resolutions are usually about what you want to do in the coming year, but what about the reverse? What would your life look like if you stopped doing what causes you stress and failure? Instead of changing what you do, what about changing how you feel and think? It’s a lot easier to change your mind than to change your physical habits, just as it’s easier to refrain from criticizing than to think up positive things to say about a person or situation that you really don’t like.

New Year’s resolutions are always couched in terms of what we feel we ought to do. On the one hand, I’m very much in favor of positive goals and pictures of what you want to achieve. That’s certainly how I coach my clients: that in order to manifest their goals, they need to have clear pictures of what they want to achieve, and then take positive action steps. This is how creation works. However, your average New Year’s resolution might prove an exception, because we all know how seldom we actually accomplish those new rules or visions. According to US surveys, only 8% of New Year’s resolutions will be kept, which means 92% will fail. Who wants to set themselves up for failure?

On the other hand, you may have noticed that life is already full of conflicting demands on your time, energy, money and commitment. We all live high-powered lives full of stress, and that will probably get worse. But what if we could remove some of those stresses? Maybe it would be easier to stop doing what doesn’t serve us, and thereby make time for the activities and people we do enjoy. If you could erase or delete some of those stressors – just drop them like hot potatoes – that in itself will be a weight off your mind, heart and nervous system.

So here are my “irresolutions” for 2013:

1. As of January 1, I will stop worrying about money.
2. I will stop fidgeting about my weight.
3. I will stop beating myself up if I take time to knit instead of working every minute.
4. I will stop taking part in any conversation that involves “ain’t it awful?” as a response.
5. I will stop having to be right all the time.
6. I will stop spending time with people who make me feel tired.
7. I will no longer grumble, bitch, whine or complain about my family or even my ex.
8. I will stop living based on the pain of the past or anxiety for the future.
9. I will stop trying to run anyone else’s life.
10. I will stop __________________.

Take a moment, and adjust this list to meet your specifications. What else would you like to subtract or delete from your life? What could you cheerfully do without so that you can have a simpler, easier life with lower stress? What has been bugging you that you can just… let go?

“Nature abhors a vacuum.” When you let go of what is superfluous and stressful, you will find that there is much more time and tranquillity available for what you like to do, how you like to feel, and the people you like to be around – those who make you feel energized and stimulated rather than depleted. Use this kind of subtraction to make more space, and you will naturally fill it back up again with what suits you now, rather than the people and things you collected earlier. It’s another way to reset your life to a more satisfying level – which is what New Year’s resolutions are all about!