Jealousy and Possession in Relationships

A comment from a woman: "I'm all for having sex, no question about that. But I'm also about it happening for reasons that don't include 'not caring' or 'giving value' to someone else. Most of your information is a lot classier & better put together than this."

It brings up the question. How to you conciliate the Buddhist philosophy of detachment with the philosophy of living from the heart? What do both these philosophies mean anyway?

Just yesterday I saw a couple. The man seemed somewhat jealous and possessive. The woman looked annoyed and was looking everywhere around, especially at me.

In the context of dating, 'not caring' doesn't mean you don't care about the other person. It means you don't care about whether you'll have sex with her or not. It means you don't have an agenda or expectations and that there is no pressure. It also means that after sleeping with her you remain emotionally detached which is at the opposite side of the spectrum from possessiveness and jealousy.

There are two things that hold relationships together: synergy and attachment. Synergy is what naturally pulls people together. It is the chemistry, the attraction and the shared love. Attachment is gripping onto another person not to be alone. It is using another person to fill our voids and needs. Magnets naturally stay together, you don't need to attach them.

Also most people are trying to get love, get sex, get a partner, get money, get, get, get. It's refreshing when you meet someone who isn't trying to get anything from you. It leaves space for a real connection to happen.

So in this context, 'not caring' and 'giving value' are the opposite of jealousy and possession in relationships.