Learning How To Communicate in a Relationship

We’re living in an era that is all about communication…instant, constant, easy communication. So why is it that often the most challenging communication is the one that takes place within your closest relationship?

It goes without saying that the more emotional and physical intimacy you share with another person, the more challenging it is to create open lines of healthy communication.

Communication in a relationship isn’t as simple as saying ”I love you” but requires keeping your finger on the pulse of your partner’s feelings and developing positive communication habits.

Research shows that as much as 70% of problems between couples don’t need couples therapy or counseling – a good, open discussion will often do the trick!

There are a number of effective strategies to employ when communicating with your partner to create a positive and productive communication session. One of these key strategies includes:

‘The XYZ Statement’ strategy (Gottman, Notarius, Markman and Gonso):
When talking about problems or frustrations, it’s easy to point fingers and cast blame on your partner for your feelings. Using the XYZ strategy, you are taking responsibility for your feelings, and communicating clearly to your partner that because of a specific behavior (X) in a specific context (Y), you experienced a specific feeling (Z). By getting into the habit of using this strategy, couples will notice less defensiveness and anger in their relationship.

Example: When you didn’t call me (X) to wish me happy anniversary (Y), I felt angry and unimportant (Z).

What is key is to remember is that if partners in a relationship want to develop good communication habits, and the only way to do this is to practice this communication strategy consistently and on an ongoing basis.

© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, she discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. This is why she designed and developed a couples program using the full ins and outs of this intricate formula; "The Relationship Breakthrough Bootcamp." This article is for your general information only. You are welcome to share this tip with your community but please make sure to include the following author info:

© 2010 The Relationship Suite. Rachel Moheban, LCSW After many years of providing private couples counseling, I discovered in addition to the already great results this method was providing, that couples benefited even more from using a variety of resources especially the effective combination of psycho-education, pro-active skills and adaptable techniques. These approaches COMBINED are able to create the success formula needed to make fast and immediate changes in relationships. To learn more, and receive our FREE BiWeekly Relationship Tips and access to the Relationship Breakthrough Monthly Teleclass visit http://www.therelationshipsuite.com.