Listen: Do You Want to Know a Secret?

Cast your mind back: When was the last time someone really listened to you and how did that make you feel? Satisfied? Delighted? Euphoric? You might not have to think too far back for this one: When was the last time someone didn’t listen to you? How did that make you feel? Annoyed? Frustrated? Exasperated?

Have you ever been semi-engaged in a conversation with someone who is constantly looking over your shoulder for the next best person to talk to? When you listen to someone by giving them your undivided attention, without butting in or going one better, you impart the silent, priceless gift, of being heard.

Good listeners zoom in on their subject to the extent that everyone and everything else is excluded. Consider the converse: when a camera focuses on the background, the foreground subject becomes blurred.

Listening demands concentration. And when you really listen you often hear what’s not being said. Tone of voice often speaks louder than words. Let the other person know that you’re listening by paraphrasing what they are saying.

Maintain eye contact. Lean forward. Tilt your head. Nod in agreement. Mirror their facial expressions. Everybody needs somebody to listen to them some time. n