Marriage Help for Christians - 5 Stages Of Grief In Affairs For The Betrayed Spouse

This marriage help for Christians explains the five stages of grief that the betrayed spouse will go through when discovering that the spouse is having an affair. The last thing we plan on when we get married is our partner being unfaithful. People typically say that they would never tolerate it and would definitely divorce. But when the reality hits home, most people try to save their marriages. Christians typically have the idea that divorce is Biblically allowed as a result of an affair but that God prefers they try to work it out and most do try (Matthew 5:31-32).

Here are the 5 stages you will go through upon discovery of an affair:

1. Shock and denial

You may have ignored signs of the affair for a while and then finally have to face it or have found undeniable evidence that came all of a sudden and you had no clue. Your spouse may have admitted it. It is natural to go through a period of shock and disbelief where you have trouble functioning in your daily activities and trouble sleeping. It doesn't seem real.

2. Anger

You get angry at your spouse and the lover. This anger can be intense or it can be turned inward onto yourself and experienced as physical body pain if you feel your emotions as headaches or stomachaches. You typically make threats to throw your spouse out, but you usually can't follow through at this point. You may contact the love and tell the person off.

3. Bargaining

You beg your spouse to stay and reason to convince him/her that the love is a mistake. You may compare yourself to the love and try to prove you are better. This is the stage that you usually do a makeover on yourself. You get new clothes, a new haircut, and try to do whatever it takes to compete with the lover. You have difficulty giving your spouse an ultimatum that you can follow through on, because you are so fearful of pushing him/her to be with the lover.

4 Depression/Sadness

You allow yourself to grieve the loss of the ideal of your marriage and to feel the pain of the betrayal. You may again have trouble functioning in your daily tasks, but it is due to the heaviness and sadness you feel rather than the shock. You may have trouble getting out of bed and your future feels hopeless. You try to imagine yourself divorced, remarried, or married and nothing feels workable.

5. Acceptance

You finally enter a stage where you accept the affair. You are now able to decide if you will leave your spouse, set a boundary prohibiting seeing the lover, follow through on a divorce or separation, or offer to work on the marriage with conditions. You feel hope about your future because you feel stronger after going through the 5 stages of grief for affairs.

This marriage help for Christians will enable betrayed spouses in affairs to understand how they will go through the five stages of grief enabling them to deal more effectively with their emotions and dilemmas.