Mother Wounds: Can A Man Sexualise His Emotional Needs If He Had An Unavailable Mother?

If a man has a high sex drive, he might not be too conce
ed about being in a relationship. His priority could just be to share his body with other women and this could be something that he wants to do on a regular basis.

Then again, sharing his body with an endless amount of different women might not appeal to him. He might just prefer to share it with a few different women or just one woman.

In The Same Boat

There is the chance that he has a number of male friends who are also the same, with these men supporting his way of life. They could all believe that this is how a man should behave.

If he was to think about being in a relationship, this might not be something that interests him. This could be seen as something that would restrict his ability to fulfil one of his most important needs.

The Only One

Other than the need to have sex, he might not be able to think about anything else that he desires from a woman. It can then be as though he doesn’t have any emotional or physical needs such as affection. Therefore, there will be no reason for him to date or to be in a relationship.

However, although living in this way will satisfy him right now, there could come a point in time when it doesn’t. If this was to happen, he will no longer have the same drive to behave in this way.

Out of Balance

Still, regardless of if this does or doesn’t happen there is likely to be more to this man’s behaviour than meets the eye. So, while he may believe that he is this way because he has a high sex drive and doesn’t have any other needs, this might not be the case.

What it could actually come down to is that he is completely out of touch with his emotional needs. It is then not that he doesn’t have them; it is that these needs have merely been repressed.

A Different Direction

These needs won’t have been neutralized, though, as they can be what are causing him to have such a strong need to have sex and sex only. The pain of not having his other needs met, needs that he is not aware of, will play a part in what gives him the need to have sex in order to feel better.

This energy will be channelled to his genitals and through having sex, he will be able to release some of the energy that has built up. Then, before long, this energy will build up again and he will look towards a woman to help him release it and the cycle will continue.

Far More to It

What this will illustrate is that there is why he believes that he behaves in this way and why he actually behaves in this way. This whole process will be taking place outside of his conscious awareness.

Unless he gets to the point where this is no longer satisfying him or something happens that connect him to his emotional needs, there will be no reason for him to change. The pain inside him will continue to drive his behaviour.

A Closer Look

If he was able to step back and reflect on what is going on, he could wonder why he is typically out of touch with his emotional needs. Naturally, for his behaviour to change he will need to embrace them.

It could be a real struggle for him to connect to an emotional need and when he does, he could feel very uncomfortable. Although he could feel confident when it comes to fulfilling a sexual need, this won’t be how he feels when he thinks about, let alone tries to fulfil an emotional need.

Going Deeper

What this may show is that he was brought up by a mother who was emotionally available, which would have stopped him from receiving the nutrients that he needed to be able to grow and develop. This would have meant that he was often neglected and when he was given attention, it would have typically been missatuned care.

By being egocentric, he would have come to associate both his needs and himself with being bad. And, as he was powerless to do anything about what was going on, he would have automatically disconnected from his needs and repressed how he felt.

The Outcome

This stage of his life would have caused him to experience a lot of pain and it would have set him up to become estranged from himself. Due to how his mother treated him, he won’t believe that he deserves to have his needs met.

Having needs as an infant and then as a toddler would have been too painful and losing touch with them would have stopped him from suffering as much as he would have done otherwise. Many years will have passed since this stage of his life but he will believe deep down, that if he expresses his emotional needs, he will be rejected and abandoned and his life will come to an end.

The Fuel

The pain that he experienced during his formative years, plus the pain that he experiences by not getting his emotional needs met as an adult will be what is driving his behaviour. For his behaviour to change, it will be necessary for him to work through this pain, reconnect to his emotional needs and develop a new relationship with them.

This will allow him to realise that his needs are not bad and that it is possible for him to have them met. By fulfilling all his needs as opposed to just his sexual needs, he is likely to lead a life that is far more fulfilling.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for exte
al support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.