My Divorce journal - Approval and Affirmations

Last week I was noticing who has expressed conce
about my behavior and the recognition of when my life is unmanageable. This week I’m addressing how I’ve sought approval and affirmation from others.

Then – 3/27/2004

“journal question – How have I sought approval and affirmations from others?

I have always been in need of my parent’s approval. Even though I can be very independent, there’s always that nagging part of me that peaks around the corner to see if they approve of what I did or said. I don’t feel comfortable unless I feel they at least understand what I am doing. I am also guilty of monitoring what I say to other people to get their approval. I don’t always speak my mind for fear of what the other person would feel or say. But I rationalize it by saying that I choose my battles. There are situations where I feel very strongly and will argue my point.”

Now - 7/17/11

The wonderful thing about rereading a journal is to see your progress in certain areas of your life. Seeking approval is definitely an area that I have worked on over the years. I can now see that many of the issues I had back when that journal entry was written were due to low self-esteem. I was looking for validation outside of myself because I wasn’t totally happy and trusting myself. That journal entry was brutally honest because at 38 years old I was still looking for my parent’s and other people’s approval.

What eventually changed for me was learning to trust myself and asking my higher power for guidance. In Al-Anon I was taught to act “as if” I had a connection to a power greater than myself until I actually had the connection. I listened in meetings and borrowed other people’s faith until I had enough of my own experiences. Once I felt that connectio
I gained the self esteem I needed to not seek approval and affirmations from others. I trusted that the answers would come to me in due time and I gave myself the validation that I was looking for. I still might ask other people’s opinions but they finally don’t matter as much as my own.