My Ephiphany

When I was younger I was one of these women who spent all their free time at the self-help section of the bookstore looking for answers. I was forever hunting down the keys to success and happiness. I’d buy a book, read it from cover to cover and then wait for the success and happiness to come washing over me. And strangely it never did.

On the outside I appeared to have it all; great circle of friends, fantastic career, beautiful home and financial security. I was advancing myself – learning new skills, meeting new people. Outwardly I was vibrant and confident, inwardly I was growing more and more doubtful about the possibility of ever finding a soul mate and having a family.

I’d read the principles of having a great life: Forgive yourself, Love yourself and I tried hard to apply the principles in my life. I thought loving yourself meant looking in a changing room mirror and saying ‘you look gorgeous’.

I tried the mantras, the positive affirmations and the more I said them into the mirror, the more blackheads and broken capillaries I noticed in my skin.

I had a major break through one day at the age of 34. I walked barefoot across hot coals in one of those crazy opportunities that sometimes present themselves to us. And that one act changed my life forever. I remember slowly piecing it together in my mind, slowly realising that I had spent my entire life trying to prove that I was good enough.

It wasn’t that walking over the coals had made me realise that I could do anything, it was the shock that I experienced when I realised that I’d been so desperate to prove to the world that I was good enough, that I had been willing to sacrifice both my feet to do so.

I had certificates and qualifications all over the walls. It was as though I was hoping that the next certificate would give me the validation that I needed. I had been going overboard to be the best friend, best daughter, best employee, etc. I had gone out of my way and put myself out so many times in the pursuit of feeling like I was good enough. Feeling worthy.

Enough was enough. From the moment I left the coals I decided that I am the best that I can be. I’m not perfect and nor would I ever want to be. But right now, right here, I am the best I can be.

As if by magic, the moment that I realised I was good enough, I really began to love myself. To truly love, respect and appreciate myself. And my life changed for the better, forever. Since that moment I have attracted an abundance of love, passion and contentment all around me.

I’ve noticed that negative people have exited my life or lost their voice around me. I’ve noticed that I am more gentle and forgiving of myself. My soul mate came waltzing into my life within 6 weeks of walking over the coals.

From today – decide that you are doing the best that you can and are being the best that you can – and do not allow anyone or anything to let you think differently. If that man isn’t interested in you – it’s because he knows you are out of his league. If that job turned you down – it’s because it wasn’t going to give you what you deserve.

My Epiphany Exercise

Take a few moments and answer the following:

1. What are you trying to prove?
2. Who are you trying to prove yourself to?
3. What is the cost to you of this behaviour?
4. What do you miss out on or give up when you do this?
5. How would you like it to be?
6. What must change right now?