Article

Why It's So Hard To Not Be A 'Nice Guy'

Written by Dr. Dennis W. Neder

Topic: Relationship AdvicePublished Recently added
No ratings yet904 viewsSign in to rate

Oh, how easy it is for us to slip into "nice guy" mode! We have a natural tendency to want to be nice guys and even believe that this is exactly what women want from us. As you probably know, it's not. Then, why do we do this?

Let me tell you a little story (I'll keep it short):
Many years ago, I got my pilot's license. During that time I learned a very important lesson about flying: what you think is going on (because of your senses) is NOT what you ever want to use in actually flying a plane. Take the situation where you're flying "blind" such as in clouds. Your body tells you constantly that you're banking (turning) when in fact; your instruments say that you're flying straight and level. Add a little climb to this and the effect is dramatically increased. In order to be a successful pilot (that is, to "live") you have to get over the overwhelming desire to react to what you think you feel, and to rely in your instruments, believe them, trust then and do what they tell you to do.
So too it is with hunting women.

We have a natural, inbo
tendency to try to be "nice guys" even though this is absolutely contrary to anything that really works with women! Most guy's greatest challenge is to break out of what they FEEL is right, and to start DOING what is right. We need to use the tools we have (such as BAM) in order to get past our natural tendencies and to be successful with women.

Look at the recent case of a friend of mine. He just wants to believe against all hope that somehow, because if "feels good"; that he can "will" women into sleeping with him, finding him attractive, etc. He wants to believe it so badly, that he'll actually spend tons of cash on it, and defend it to the end. Some "experts" pray on this simply because most guys want feel-good, quick-fix answers and the belief that they can control their outside world if they just want it badly enough or discover the "secret".

We here know that this doesn't work. Instead, we learn to rely on our instruments instead - and do what they tell us to do.

Best regards...

Article author

About the Author

Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. Having written 3 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on others, hundreds of articles, been on hundreds of radio and TV shows, he is funny, direct and intuitive. Do you have a burning question that needs an answer? Are you a man that wants to better experiences with women, or a woman that wants to better understand men? To learn more, go to http://beingaman.com.

Further reading

Further Reading

4 total

Article

The early development of avoidant attachment creates a coping mechanism that forms in childhood. Disconnected parent-child interactions typically trigger this condition. People who develop this attachment style learn to depend on their resources. They avoid deep emotional connections. People with this attachment style want intimacy, yet they remain afraid of becoming dependent on others. Understanding Avoidant Attachment Among the four primary attachment styles, avoidant atta

February 6, 2025

Article

So, you want to Play swinging? Do you like the idea of having sex with several attractive people, with no strings attached? Want the chance to explore your fantasies with like-minded people? Love having the intimacy and long-term commitment of your partner, but don't want to miss out on the opportunity for sexual exploration and variety? If this sounds like something you'd like to try, the increasingly popular lifestyle known as 'swinging' could be for you. What's so shocking

August 29, 2024

Article

Web-based swapping dating services can help you find a long-term swap relationship in the comfort of your home. These types of services can provide singles with information about like-minded people and help them get in touch with other couples. To use dating expertise, you need to register together. When registering to use the service, you need to provide more information as well as your contact information and interests. Maintaining your information conveniently will help yo

August 29, 2024

Article

The idea of making yourself more desirable by making yourself less available doesn't make a lot of sense when you think about it. After all, Juliet would have plunged a premature dagger into the heart of her romance with Romeo if she hid in her room rather than go out on her balcony. The end of Sleepless in Seattle shifts from "awww" to "aw, no" if one of the two main characters skips the trip to the Empire State Building. As these examples from fiction show, making yourself

August 16, 2024