***Optimistic Determination!

Do you ever wonder what makes certain people go on optimistically despite their lot in life, while others engage in negative, defeatist attitudes (even though their situation is not really so horrible)? Several months ago, I watched a television program of a woman who, at a very young age, had lost both of her arms. Her adult life was extraordinary despite her physical limitations. With a tremendous amount of effort, she had learned to use her feet and toes as hands. This amazing woman managed to write, fold laundry, teach an aerobics class, and even drive a van! And to top it off, she was happily married to an attractive man, and had a son which she provided and cared for. She was an inspiration to all who were graced by her presence. Shortly thereafter, I watched another program chronicling the life of a very large man. This man had been large from the moment he entered the world. He was a fat baby, a fat child, and a fatter young adult. In school, he was teased unmercifully. His only escape was his ability to play jazz. Life was not easy for this man. One day, he "woke-up." He realized his self-worth and found his place in this world. He began using his passion for jazz to teach music to junior high kids. Imagine - teaching to children when they had once tortured him! This man single handedly created magic in his classroom. He attracted many children who felt alone, isolated or outcast. He gave them confidence, hope, and a place to feel secure. The children's faces came to life as they talked to him. It was as if their own spirit and passion flowed outward by the mere contact with this phenomenal man. Optimistic Determination Or Pessimistic Attitude? I began to think about my life and myself. Given the same challenges, would I be that optimistic and motivated? Would I be filled with enough self-love and self-worthiness to courageously go out into the world with a sense of self-worth and pride? I also thought about the many clients I work with who insist they are fat-and-ugly, unworthy, and not deserving. How do any of us move through our own particular challenges and grasp the truth of how wonderful we really are? Many people are ready to begin (or continue) the jou ey back to their authentic selves. They are more than eager to end the struggle of constant yo-yo dieting, addiction, loathing their bodies, and looking to food, drug, or alcohol as a way to feel better. They ache to live a meaningful and purposeful life. Yet, a difficult challenge lies ahead. The jou ey toward recovery of self is often quite daunting. We have so far to go, and there is so much work to do. Sometimes we feel, "Why bother?" Clearly, we all possess the power of choosing our attitudes and gaining a new sense of empowered purpose. While it may take an enormous amount of work to become optimistically determined, it is within the command of each person. Granted, it is not something that happens ove ight. Given that many of us did not experience unconditional love and encouragement while growing up, it may be quite difficult to overcome the (false) belief that something is "wrong" with us. While things might be easier now if someone had nurtured those qualities of perseverance, joy, patience, trust and love within us when we were young, now that we are grown up, there is only one person left to absolutely support and encourage us. That person is you. You alone have the ability to look at yourself with love and decide to enjoy your life despite your perceived or real limitations. Nurturing Optimistic Determinatio Optimistic determination is a sense that your goals and dreams will most likely turn out successful. It doesn't mean you won't run into challenges along your jou ey, but you have a belief that your challenges have meaning and serve to make you stronger. Optimistic determination is your ability to see the good even in the worst of situation. If you are not currently a "glass half-full" type of person, utilize these tips to gain optimism and give yourself a new sense of impending success! 1. Supportive Self-TalknOften, we make your own jou ey more difficulty than it already is by failing to provide ourselves with supportive words of encouragement when we need them most. We fail to acknowledge our efforts and dismiss our many successes. Instead, we dwell on perceived failures. For example, a woman I once worked with described how she had attended a morning office meeting and successfully bypassed the doughnuts sitting in the middle of the table. After the meeting, she went into the office kitchen to discover yet another dozen doughnuts! Not able to resist the second time around, she picked one up and ate one-half doughnut. That's right, one-half of one doughnut. At this point I am thinking, "Wow! What an accomplishment." Yet, these were not her thoughts at all. Instead, she went on to berate herself: "Why was I so weak? I shouldn't have given in. Now that I've already ruined the day, it's no use staying on track." Optimistic determination or negative, defeatist attitude? Do we have a choice? 2. Give Yourself Permission to Feel GoodnInstead of beating yourself up each time you slip or fail to achieve your desires, celebrate each of the many steps forward. Take a full minute or two and really be in the experience of your accomplishments. Close your eyes and see what they looked like. What did it sound like? What did it feel like? Look into the mirror and tell yourself, and your body, how well you are doing throughout this change process. Support yourself in your efforts and allow yourself to feel good about re-committing to your desires. Ask yourself if it feels good to feel good? Can you allow yourself more experiences of feeling good? 3. Record SuccessnKeep a daily jou ey of success. One of my clients decided to keep a daily "Triumph" list. Each day she acknowledged her goal and each effort and action that she put into making her goal real. Her "Triumph" list was full of achievements and smiley faces. Having this list made the challenges much easier to face knowing they were balanced out with personal strengths and accomplishments. 4. Gratitude Paves the Road to OptimismnDecide to begin a gratitude jou al. At the end of each day, simply list five things that you were grateful for and at least one successful action that you accomplished that day. Your list could include anything and everything, big or small. Writing down what you are grateful for helps shift your attention from what is wrong with you and in your world to what is right. As you focus your attention in new directions, your sense of optimistic determination expands. 5. Make Conscious DecisionsnLea to fuel your life with optimism by making conscious decisions. Many of our decisions are made on autopilot - we don't even notice ourselves making them. By focusing intention on making conscious choices, you are able to move in the direction of your joy and destiny. At first, decide to play a game with yourself and make small choices often. For example, "I will wear the red shoes today." Or, "I will eat two cookies at 7:30 PM." Be creative in your decisions and make them fun. Then, be sure to follow through with your decisions. If you told your self you would eat two cookies at 7:30 PM, then make sure you eat two. Not one, and not three, but two at 7:30. This process of making conscious decisions helps you feel responsible for your own actions and raises your sense of confidence and optimism. By following through with your decisions, you develop greater trust in yourself. You become empowered to make choices in every moment and at every turn in life. Instead of letting things happen, you can take control. You discover you have the power to make changes in your life. 6.Gain Confidence and Self-WorthnTake notice of the people around you who look confident. They may not always be the thinnest ones around, the prettiest, or even the richest. Confidence comes from within. You are as attractive as you feel - regardless of the size of your body or your wallet. If you like yourself, your self-worth will come through and attract other people who like themselves. The positive sense of self that a person gives off is often more noticeable than physical body shape. People in general are attracted to a positive aura, a positive sense of self. Learn to be still and sit with yourself. Accept your body exactly as it is. It's amazing what begins to happen when we stop hating ourselves and begin to treat ourselves as the beautiful individuals that we already are. No matter how pessimistic, hopeless, helpless, or depressed you may currently feel, you do have a choice to improve your sense of optimism. Use these five tips to help lift yourself up into the inspirational and life-loving person you are meant to become!nn