Overcome Christian Codependency By Learning How To Take Care Of Yourself

You can overcome Christian codependency by learning how to take care of yourself. Christian codependency promotes misconceptions about when God thinks it is okay to put yourself before others. We have to care about ourselves and others. One of the best ways to determine if you should put someone else's request or need before your own is to consider your motive. Here are some reasons you might be compelled to neglect your own needs for someone else's:

• Obligation - You believe you have to.
• Guilt - You will feel bad.
• Fear - You are afraid of the repercussions
• Pride - You want people to think well of you.
• People-pleasing - You fear disapproval.
• Obedience - You believe God wants you to.
• Choice - You want to.

Obligation, guilt, fear, pride, and people-pleasing have something in common: They are all unhealthy reasons. Rather than making the right choice for you, you allow yourself to be influenced by others. It isn't what you really want to do and the outcome is typically resentment.

Second Corinthians 9:7 says, "Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver" (NIV). Choice allows you to own your decision and prevents you from being resentful.

Obedience to God is the other good reason. We can and should at times sacrificially give when we believe God is directing us and when it involves our witness and the reputation of our faith. I know the times when my selfish nature is fighting with the Holy Spirit to not give in to God's leading to sacrificially give, but this isn't a common occurrence. It can't be all the time or you go back to an unhealthy place where you are neglecting yourself.

There is a time to put yourself first. If you are in the check-out line at the grocery store, you can occasionally let someone go in front of you, but you can't keep letting one person after another go in front of you or you will never get home to make dinner. There is definitely a time to put yourself before others.

Relationship Prayer: God, help me to recognize my motives when I want to put someone before myself. Help me to do it out of choice and obedience to you.

Relationship Challenge: Pay attention to why you want to put others before yourself. Try to do it of choice or obedience to God.

God cares about your motives. If you do put someone before yourself, He wants it to be for the right reasons. Overcoming Christian codependency helps you to learn how to take care of yourself while still caring about others in ways that please God.