Overcome Christian Codependency - Do These 4 Things When Dealing With Chronic Illness In A Loved One

There are 4 things you must do when dealing with chronic illness in a loved one to overcome Christian codependency. When someone we care about is chronically ill, we react to it the same way people react to other situations that are continually stressful and uncontrollable. Christian codependency tells us we have to sacrifice ourselves without limits. Doing these 4 things will enable you to cope in a balanced and healthy way:

1. Grieve the Loss- You have to let go of the ideal of the life you want your loved one to have and grieve the loss of your dreams. This is especially pertinent with our children. We only want the best for them and it is incredibly painful to watch them suffer. You also have to grieve the loss of the things you have to give up to care for this person and adjust to the limitations the illness causes.

2. Set Boundaries- You have to learn to take care of yourself while taking care of your loved one. You have some decisions to make: How much will you help financially and physically? How much emotional support can you give? When is it okay to get outside help? When is it necessary for you to say no to take care of yourself? What will you do and not do for your loved one? What will you expect the person to do for themselves?

3. Admit powerlessness- You have to let go of trying to control your loved one's self-care. It is incredibly frustrating to want your loved one to take care of their health and life choices in a way that you think is best and to not have them cooperate. You may find yourself reacting to this as intensely as someone would react to an alcoholic loved one. Reactions include arguing, threatening, manipulating, begging, lecturing, controlling, or nagging. All these tactics are attempts to make someone do what we think is best. You have to admit your powerlessness and turn the person over to God. There are some things you cannot make someone else do.

4. Detach and Live- Detach from this person's moods and pain. It is okay for you to be happy and enjoy your life even though your loved one is unhappy. It is so easy to pick up the moods of the people we are around. It is hard to stay joyful when someone is continually sad, unhappy, angry, or miserable. Yet no matter what your loved one is enduring, you have a right and responsibility to enjoy and live your life. Your loved one has to figure out how to come to terms with the illness they have. This doesn't mean you don't care; it means you realize you have your life to live.

Do these four things when dealing with chronic illness in your loved one so that you can respond a balanced and healthy way. You can give with limits and still love others as you love yourself (Matthew 22:39) enabling you to overcome Christian codependency.