Preparing for Divorce in the Face of Emotional Abuse! (by: Dr. Anne Brown RNCS)

The History

For years women and children have been considered to be property of men. There were laws enabling men to punish their wives physically. By the 1920’s all states had made “wife beating” illegal, however it has only been since the 1970’s the courts have treated it as a serious crime rather than a family matter. In the 1990’s District Atto
ey’s began to adopt the “no drop” law where the DA’s office is in charge of the case and the victim is not able to ask for the case to be dropped. In 1994 Congress passed the Violence Against Women Act as part of the federal Crimes Victims Act. When people assume they have the right to abuse, and suddenly you make it illegal all sorts of problems arise. I remember being asked to see a family in the late 80’s. We were pretty sure when the husband drank he would become physical with his wife. She had called for an appointment, but with so many of these cases we were not sure if she would keep the appointment. We also did not know if she would let us know what was really happening in the family. Fortunately for me, she kept the appointment and brought her youngest daughter with her. Many victims of abuse won’t report for just themselves, but when there are children involved they are more open. About half way into the session her daughter told me her favorite thing to do was to be with her mother. Her mother turned to her and asked her if she knew why she stayed by her mother’s side. She didn’t, but her mother explained to me that her husband wouldn’t hit her if her daughter was present. This little girl was growing up with a huge burden, protecting her mother, without knowing this was her assignment.

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