Recovery from Codependency is Possible

Recovery from codependency means getting yourself and your life back. It is caring about you again. It is about reclaiming yourself and your life. Recovery is an internal agreement and a process that lasts a lifetime. Remember, yesterday’s choices are the consequences you live today. The choices are yours to make. In other words, if you don’t acknowledge that there is a problem in your life, you will never be able to change it. If you change your choices, your life will reflect the new choices.

It is time to take care of you. Don’t feel put off or frightened by the process of recovery. You must learn to take responsibility for yourself, your feelings, behavior, actions and the issues in your life. You must learn to embrace your feelings, which means accept your feelings. Often codependent people avoid their feelings. When you avoid feelings it is avoiding the pain. Once the feelings are acknowledged you can have a truthful relationship with yourself.

The recovery process begins with the first step you take. You can only grow once you make a move to change. Discover that there is hope and enjoy the recovery journey. Understand that it will take time. Lean on your friends and family and if you are religious, know there is a higher power that you can lean on and learn to lean on God.

First, admit there is fear going through your mind. Identify the reasons you are feeling the fear. Because of that fear you may need to learn assertiveness. It is different from aggressiveness. Aggressiveness is thinking and showing you are superior over others. Assertiveness just means being secure with who you are. It can be a first step toward recovery and leaving behind your codependent ways.

Assertiveness means you ask for what you need and set the boundary you will accept. Codependents have a difficult time accepting their powerlessness over people and situations. You must give up trying to control people or situations. Restrain your desire to rescue people. Learn to accept other people’s faults and hold back from giving advice unless you are asked for help.

The world of codependency is built on dishonesty and a lack of trust. Start believing you are worthy. By acting as if you are, people will start to take notice. Make sure you are aware of your thoughts throughout the day. Thoughts are very powerful. What you dwell on eventually becomes how you act and your actions will bring to you what you hope for. Change any negative statements with positive ones.

Affirmations can be helpful in reminding yourself what you wish to accomplish. Incorporate them into your life. Make them as positive as possible. Include yourself in a sentence that frames a positive outcome. Do them every day. Not only will you begin to believe them, you will begin to see changes.

Keep a journal to express your feelings. They can be your inner most feelings. Be honest and open. No one needs to see this journal but you. Help yourself by being honest and true about everything in your life. It will make the process easier. Soon you will see how all things in your life begin to flow.

Make a serious decision to find balance in your life. Stop losing your own identity in another’s life. There is nothing wrong with helping another. Just remember to look after yourself. Wholeness of you means the mental, physical, spiritual and emotional aspects. All four are part of who you are. Don’t get caught up in another’s drama. Let others be responsible for the consequences of their own actions. Taking care of yourself means staying healthy, getting enough sleep, and spending time doing things you enjoy.

Part of recovery is learning how to have fun. Learn how to let go and play. The act itself is liberating. So make sure you schedule fun into your life. Make a list in case you have trouble remembering what you enjoy. Think back to when you were a child and carefree. What are the simple pleasures in life that make you happy? They don’t have to be monumental. They can be as simple as listening to a favorite song or CD or talking to a trusted friend for 20 minutes on the phone. Maybe poetry is how you like to express yourself. Whatever it is, make sure you enjoy even something small at least once a week to start with. You can expand from there.

The process of healing, recovery and overcoming codependency must not be rushed. Overwhelming a person will only confirm insecurities and make the recovery process emotionally complex. Everyone needs a little help now and then. Individual counseling can teach you how to be assertive, and can help you with communication and listening skills. A counselor can point out some non-helpful actions and behavior you take part in that you are not aware of. They can work with you and help you develop new and healthier coping skills. No matter what path you need to take, don’t prevent yourself from finding peace and happiness – you deserve it!