Relationship Advice: When your spouse makes a drastic life change
Written by Tim Kellis
Hello
I am just now getting back to my blog. I wanted to begin by posting a media inquiry that I responded to recently on the challenges when your spouse makes a drastic life change. See below:
For an article I’m writing for CNN.com, I’m seeking both nationally known relationship experts as well as “real” people to talk about this topic: when the person you married or fell in love with makes a drastic life change. Perhaps she used to love burgers, but then became a strict vegan and now pushes tofu down your throat. Or maybe he was an anything-goes kind of guy, but five years into the marriage became a Scientologist. Or maybe your wife used to be carefree about the environment, and now she’s militant about recycling *everything*. I’m looking for both the light and serious side of what happens when you wake up and realize the person you love has changed in significant ways.
In positive relationships, as individuals within a marriage grow and develop new interests, hobbies, outlooks on life, religion, etc both get to live through this change in a positive manner where the change is understood and most importantly, appreciated. Obviously, the change is within one of the two and it is important that this change not be enforced onto the other, because the change is intended for one, not both.
Problems, though, occur within the negative relationship when this change is used as a further wedge between the two, a wedge that had already been developed with the other unresolved issues within the marriage. Then it becomes another brick in the path of the destruction of the marriage.
Then it becomes a, or quite possibly the, issue that finally pushes the couple apart to the point of the thud of complacency within negative marriages, or divorce. Then it becomes a problem.
What is needed in this situation is to understand and appreciate the changes within the individual.
For example, if one of the two within a marriage decides to become much more religious, then the other partner needs to understand this as part of the maturing process, and accept and appreciate this change. The one who has found religion cannot enforce this change onto the other. Then it becomes a wedge in the relationship.
by Tim Kellis
http://HappyRelationships.com/
http://HappyMarriages.com/
Article author
About the Author
Tim’s TV appearances include appearances on NBC, CBS, ABC, PBS and Lifetime. Radio appearances include A Balanced Life with Beth Aldrich, A Fresh Start with Sallie Felton, Marriage 101 with Starr and Bob Calo-oy, Journey of Life Radio with Joseph LoBrutto III, Life Insight From Experts (L.I.F.E.) with Shelley Costello and Internet Radio Interview on SoundAuthors.com.
Renowned Wall Street analyst Tim Kellis takes on what could be considered society’s biggest problem today, divorce. The journey that led to him tackling such a significant issue was both personal and professional. After a successful career that eventually landed him on Wall Street Tim met what he thought was the girl of his dreams, only to see that relationship end with bitte
ess and anger. The journey included work with a marital therapist, and after he discovered the therapist wasn’t really helping decided to tackle the issue himself.
Ambition and a strong aptitude for math helped lead Kellis to discover how to make relationships work. His math skills led directly to an engineering degree, nine years in the telecommunications industry, an MBA in finance, and finally on to Wall Street, where he became the very first semiconductor analyst to focus on the communications market.
After publishing a 300-page initiation piece entitled Initiating Coverage of the Semiconductor Industry: Riding the Bandwidth Wave, Kellis became a leading semiconductor analyst at one of the biggest firms on Wall Street. The experience he gained as a Wall Street analyst provided an excellent backdrop for becoming an expert on relationships, and resulted in his relationship book entitled “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage”.
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