Relationship Happiness and The Four Freedoms

Right this moment, just as you are, you have four unimaginably powerful resources at your command. With them you can accomplish miracles. They are your Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul.

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Although you are already innately aware of these elemental forces—their strength, dynamism, and wonder—the wise inner voice of your higher self becomes overwhelmed in a world of speed, superficiality, and complexity. Reclaiming your Four Freedoms helps you to hear truth again, to remember who you are and why you are in a body, and to gain emotional stability and courage as well as mental clarity and focused attention. The Four Freedoms framework gives you a secure platform when your world begins to tremble and quake.

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The essence of freedom is choice. Embracing your Four Freedoms helps you become aware of choices available to you and gives you the strength to act on them. If you fear that by diving headlong into freedom you will act selfishly or irresponsibly—considering only your ego’s wants—remember that such thoughts are part of the captive mentality that claims the nature of humanity is evil and therefore must be denied or contained. The truth is that you are intrinsically glorious and worthy, despite your flaws. You always have the choice of acting from your shortcomings or acting from your greatness. When you are really free, you will naturally act for the greatest good of yourself and others, because that is the true nature of your highest self.

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As you begin to explore your Four Freedoms, you might feel more comfortable with one or two and want to gloss over or ignore the others. If you are intensely emotional, you might resist exercising your rationality. An overriding mental focus might block you from enjoying the pleasures of your body. A potent physicality might distract you from the realm of spirit. Or, preferring to seek peace in the inner realm of soul, you might shy away from the turbulence of emotion and the temptations of pleasure. However, you will not have the relationship you long for by suppressing or denying any of your Four Freedoms. You must embrace, explore, and balance all—Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul—no matter how irrelevant or frightening the components might seem.

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Freedom is not just an intellectual or philosophical idea. You manifest freedom in your behavior. You choose and you act. Use the platform of the Four Freedoms to help you make your choices. They will let you know when there is something new to learn or something old to unlearn. Unfortunately, you cannot change merely by thinking about it. To both learn and unlea effectively, you need to adjust your behavior. Behavioral changes help shift your thoughts and feelings about yourself by providing positive feedback when you act in new ways. Behavioral changes are more effective than simply trying to alter thought patterns loaded with years of conditioned beliefs and assumptions. Some changes you’ll make on your own, others you’ll tackle together.

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The good news is that you don’t have to wait until you’re certain you can create an exceptional relationship before you enter into one. You really become fit for a relationship only by being in a relationship. You learn by doing, because your relationship is most definitely an experiential phenomenon. The ongoing practice of integrating your Four Freedoms enhances your relationship. In turn, your strengthened relationship amplifies your personal growth and quickens your spiritual progress. Your relationship and your spiritual jou ey are mutually supportive. Indeed, your relationship can become your spiritual practice. As you continue along your path of freedom, you will also receive support from the universe, for creating love over a lifetime is a developmental process that synchronizes with the natural order by aligning the forces of change, learning, and loving. You begin to understand that you will not become whole or free by finding your missing half in a loving partner. Rather, two whole people recognize each other as soul mates and learn the skills needed to create love for a joyous lifetime together. The Four Freedoms—Body, Mind, Heart, and Soul—are your building blocks for the relationship you crave so deeply.

n Excerpted from our new book Sensual Love Secrets for Couples: The Four Freedoms of Body, Mind, Heart and Soul, by Al Link and Pala Copeland, Llewellyn, 2007