Self-Awareness Exemplifies the Essence of Gestalt Therapy: The Fully-Functioning Person and Intimate Relationships

THE FULLY-FUNCTIONING PERSON

The Fully-Functioning Person, according to Gestalt Therapy, is one who self-actualizes himself by freeing himself from what prevents him to live life to the fullest. In order to do so it is vital that he develops his Self-Awareness:

1) Gets in touch with his attitudes, feelings, perception of reality, belief-system, needs and fears, expectations and fantasies;
2) Understands the extent to which they exert power over him;
3) Realizes how they drive him to sabotage his reactions and behaviors with his partners;
4) Neutralizes their power; and
5) Becomes empowered to interact with his partners in healthy and authentic ways vital to cultivating a satisfying intimate relationship.

THE “COMPLETE” INDIVIDUAL

The fully functioning person is seen as an entity; there is a connection between mind/body; The individual’s attitudes, feelings, perception of reality, belief-system, needs and fears, expectations and fantasies are part of “one whole”. They all affect his reactions and behaviors as he interacts with others.

WHAT DOES SELF-AWARENESS MEAN

Gaining Self-Awareness means: The individual becomes aware of all his parts and the connection between them. He understands, for example, how his feelings and thoughts drive his reactions and behaviors. How his belief system relates to his fears and needs.

As he develops Self-Awareness, he gets to know and understand himself better. The more aware he becomes, the more he can realize the ways in which he sabotages his relationships. For example, he can notice to what degree he denies and rejects part of his traits and behaviors, project them onto his partners and thus harms the relationship. Or he can see how his fears and/or needs drive him to be too dependent, too needy, too aloof or too controlling within the relationship.

THE BENEFITS OF BECOMING AWARE

According to Gestalt Therapy, as one develops Self-Awareness, one is capable to:

1. LIVE IN THE HERE AND NOW: The fully-functioning person is continuously aware of his attitudes, thoughts, reactions and behaviors and how they affect his relationships. He can choose, with consciousness and flexibility, to behave with his partners in ways leading to a healthy and fulfilling bond.

2. EXPERIENCE REALITY: The fully functioning self-aware person is capable to distinguish between fantasies and reality. As much as fantasies and expectations can add life to the relationship – something to dream about and long for – he understands that if these are not grounded in reality they will bring disappointments, frustrations, conflicts and separation.

3. EXPRESS HIMSELF AUTHENTICALLY: The fully functioning self-aware person allows himself to be “who he really is” and has the courage to express himself authentically in the relationship. He doesn’t need to resort to manipulations, explanations and justifications in his interactions with his partner in order to get what he wants or to refrain from doing things he prefers not to do.

4. ACKNOWLEDGE ALL HIS PARTS: The fully functioning self-aware person acknowledges and accepts all his traits and behaviors – those he considers “nice” which bring him love and acceptance, as those he (or society) consider “not nice” which might bring rejection, anger, shame. Acknowledging and accepting them as part of “who he really is” enables him to bring his authentic self to the relationship.

5. LISTEN ONLY TO HIS OWN WILL: The fully functioning self-aware person doesn’t feel he needs to abide to any "should" or "ought" other than your own. While in a relationship, he is true to himself, does what feels right to him and not what doesn’t feel right (even if his/her partner wants him to). He reacts and behaves according to his own free will and not according to what expected by his partner and accepted by society.

6. TAKE FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS FEELINGS, THOUGHTS AND ACTIONS: Being self-aware, he realizes how he sabotages his relationships and has the courage (and honesty) to take responsibility for his part in their failure (rather than only blaming his partners). He is willing to learn how to change whatever needs change in order to succeed in developing a satisfying relationship.

THE FULLY-FUNCTIONING SELF-AWARE PERSON AND SUCCESSFUL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS

An individual who takes the necessary steps to develop his Self-Awareness and abide by these 6 principles of Gestalt Therapy, is capable to free himself from unnecessary and futile issues, fears and needs which might have otherwise drive him to sabotage his relationships.

Such an individual is in touch with his own will, is true to himself and authentic, and able to consciously react and behave in his relationship in ways which are vital to cultivating a healthy and fulfilling intimacy.