Setting Boundaries: Progressing Toward Saying "No"

Imagine how your life would be different if you had better boundaries. Things would change as a result of the change that you made. People would begin to respond to you differently. What you once tolerated you might find is not acceptable anymore.

How are your boundaries? Do you feel that you need to help others even when you don't want to? Saying "no" can be one of the most difficult things you can do. There are many emotions attached to that one word. Saying "no" brings up resistance and creates conflict.

On the other hand, think about the price you pay when you say "yes" too often. Over committing contributes to stress, a feeling of being pulled in too many directions at one time and resentment. Saying yes to everything is draining. Your body feels heavy when you commit to something you really don't want to do.

Saying "no" is possible but a leap. You can choose whether you want to make a change and establish new boundaries. I don't suggest all of a sudden going from saying "yes" all the time to then saying "no" to everything. Make small incremental changes as you gradually progress toward having better boundaries.

With all new things, you might feel slightly uncomfortable the first time you set a boundary. People might not believe you and try to persuade you to say "yes." If you remain consistent with your approach they will begin responding to you differently. That could be confusing, for them and for you. n
Try setting boundaries with people you feel the most comfortable. Just try it out. Also, remember people are used to you being a "nice person" and saying "yes" to their requests. Having a different response might throw them off guard. There is nothing wrong with that. Change can happen.

To increase the success of setting boundaries visualize yourself doing just that. Think of all the responses people might have when you begin to set boundaries. Find the words that feel genuine. Play those scenes over in your mind's eye. The more you are prepared, the better the chances of success. This will be one more tool to have in your tool box for setting boundaries.

Activity: Observe other people you know that set boundaries. What are some of the tactful and caring ways that they say "no." Notice how the other person responds. Think of ways or situations where you do set boundaries. How are those different from the ones where you don't? Think of what you would say to someone when you feel under pressure to respond, but don't want to say "yes." Visualize yourself doing that. Tap on all the parts of saying "no" that feel uncomfortable.