Should I Marry Him: How Long Should You Wait For A Commitment?

I recently received this question that I believe a lot of women can relate to.

'Should I Marry Him' wrote:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years and we live together. I’m 36 and he’s 38. He’s told me many times that he wants to marry me but he needs more time before he settles down for good. I really want to have children and I’m afraid to wait any longer. He says he wants children too but he’s just not ready. He’s a good man so I don’t know if I should wait to marry him or not. How can I get him to marry me?

My Answer:

Dear 'Should I Marry Him,'

Who you marry is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make; you’re choosing the man you’ll spend the rest of your life with and be the father of your children. It’s a decision you don’t want to have “push” a man into.

Some men will need a little prodding in this area, but you say he’s mentioned marrying you many times. So it seems that he knows what you want, but he has kept you waiting on hold for years.

He says he wants children but he’s not ready. I question whether he really wants them…after all your age is a factor that’s impossible not to take into consideration.

As for marrying you, he has all the benefits of being married to you and none of the obligations. I’m not saying he’s not a good man, but in this situation he’s putting his own wants and needs ahead of yours and they are directly impacting the quality of your life.

Should I Marry Him: The big question is what is most important to you?

At this point in your relationship you have to make the choice of what you want for your life. You can put off making this incredibly important decision, but when it comes down to it, you will either:

Decide that he is the only man for you and stay with him hoping that at some future date he’ll be ready to marry you and have a family or you’ll have to face the fact that you’re need to be married and have a child over-rides everything else.

If you’re answer is the second, you’ll have to have a heart-to-heart with him and give him the chance to change his mind. If he’s still unwilling to marry you at this point, then you’ll have to honor what you want for yourself and leave the relationship. I know the idea of that outcome is scary, but if you truly want what you say you do, you’ll have to take the actions to get you there.

Whatever choice you make requires that you say “no” to the other choices; it’s a fact of life you can’t get around. There is no right or wrong; it all depends on WHAT YOU WANT.

So when you ask Should I Marry Him…my best advice is that whatever you decide, to stay with him or leave…you take the action you need to and make peace with your decision.