Single and Scared: Debunking the Scarcity Myth

“There are no good men left.”

Sound familiar? If you’re feeling freaked about being single, you don’t need to give up on your search for Mr. Right. You may just need to debunk your attachment to the scarcity myth. How? By participating in a fun 3 week experiment. All you need is an open mind, a few spare minutes each day, and a desire to change your dating future.

Are you ready?

Week #1: Initiate Contactr
Start by making eye contact with one member of the opposite sex (who you don’t know) every day for a week. You can do this in the elevator in your office building, while picking out produce at the grocery store, in line for your morning latte, or in a social setting (bar, party, picnic, etc.). It's not important where you do this exercise, only that you start getting comfortable making eye contact with the other gender.

Week #2: Smiler
The following week, make eye contact and smile at at least one member of the opposite sex every day. Chances are good that you'll get a smile back. It doesn't have to go any further than that (don't expect him to ask for your digits). This is simply an exercise in getting comfortable engaging the opposite sex. Short on time? Suggested locations to smile and make eye contact on the go include the gym, while sitting in traffic, picking up your dry cleaning, or while grabbing a quick bite out of the office.

Week #3: Step It Upr
During the third week of this exercise, step it up a notch. Make eye contact, smile, AND make small talk with a least one member of the opposite sex every day. If the idea of small talk gets you tongue-tied, relax. Start simply and slowly. Remember, this doesn’t have to be rocket science. You don’t have to think of the wittiest conversation starter ever. The goal is to just get the ball rolling. Potential conversation starters can be as simple as:

Hi. (Seriously, that counts!)

How’s your day going?

I dig your shoes/tie/suit. Where’d you get them/it?

Once you’ve opened up the conversation, don’t look away. Maintain eye contact, smile, and wait for his response. If he invites additional conversation, great! If not, your job for the day is done and you can move on. If for some reason, the object of your attention is rude or dismissive, don't take it personally. Rejection is part of the dating process. Chalk it up to experience, let go, and try again tomorrow.

The point of this exercise is to debunk the scarcity myth by showing yourself that there’s actually an abundance of men in your every day life. They may not always be interested (and you may not be interested either), they may not always be available, but by getting into the practice of noticing and acknowledging men, you're more likely to spot the ones who ARE interested and available when they present themselves to you.

Now, if your routine goes something like this: home, work, gym, home, then you’ve got to shake things up. At least once a week from now on, break with routine and put yourself in a target rich environment. Suggested activities include:

• Stop by the bookstore after work and browse a topic of interest while keeping your eye out for any cuties.

• Recruit your gal pals for an after work drink at a local hotspot. In addition to enjoying the cocktails, scope out the scene for sexy strangers. (Make eye contact and smile!)

• Do some research for a fun singles activity, i.e. speed dating, a networking mixer, or Sierra Club hike and go for it. Enjoy!

• Find a cause near and dear to your heart and volunteer on a Saturday or Sunday. You never know who you’ll meet.

These are just some of the suggested activities you can engage in to mix up your routine. Remember, the goal is not necessarily to score a date, but to get you out of your monotonous routine that may be keeping you from meeting men. The more you put yourself in target rich environments and get comfortable talking to strangers, the better!

Getting outside your comfort zone can feel uncomfortable. Keep at it. Celebrate your successes. Learn from your challenges. And just have fun!
For more on how rocking your love life, pick up my book If He's Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong - and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right.

Got questions about rocking your dating life in 2010? Email ask@lisasteadman.com or post a question or comment on the blog.