Speak Out: How to Ensure Your Needs Are Being Met in a Relationship

When we enter relationships, we do so with the knowledge that we will be providing the person with emotional commodities and that they will be doing the same for us. Every relationship is filled with needs. Each individual will have different needs, and each relationship will provide different solutions for meeting them.
Most of us can quickly identify needs that our romantic relationships meet. These are usually the need for connection, love, and physical intimacy. However, this is rarely the sum total of all of the needs that we experience on a daily basis. When we have needs that are not being met, we can feel like our relationship is not as strong as it should be.
Ensuring that all of your needs are met is important for your mental wellness and for the health of your relationship. Many people feel that it may be impossible to have all of their needs met in their current situation, and choose to either deal with this in silence or terminate a relationship. Instead, consider self-reflection and communication. Try these simple tips for ensuring that your needs are met by your partner:
1. Identify your needs. Each person in a relationship will require certain things from their partner. Think about what you need to thrive with your significant other. It may help you to make a list. Be thorough as you examine this. Consider everything you might need in a relationship, a home, and a routine. Do you need your partner to comfort you more often, or to give you space? Is it important to you that you and your partner have the same views toward clutter and household chores?
2. Consider every need that you have on your list. Which needs are being met, and which ones are not? As you examine each item that you have listed, think about how they are being met as well. Remember that no one person can meet each and every one of your needs. Keep in mind that your partner may not be meeting all of your needs, but you may have a friend who serves a similar function. (You might need someone to listen to you vent, and your partner might not be up to par on that one; however, your best friend can serve this purpose.)
3. Re-examine your needs that are going unmet. Before you give your partner an extensive list of work to be done, consider how you can meet these needs yourself. Honoring your own needs often results in feelings of control and confidence. There is a way that you can contribute to just about everything on your list. For example, if you feel that you need to spend more time alone with your partner, think about the ways that you can initiate this; plan a day for just the two of you, and then surprise your partner. You’ll likely feel empowered when the day goes well. If your needs can be met alone, such as gaining a higher level of confidence, think about ways that you can accomplish this. As you depend less on your partner, you both will feel less burdened in the relationship, and may find that your relationship improves.
4. Communicate with your partner. Everyone will have needs that they cannot meet alone. Talk to your partner about these. It may be best to set aside a specific time to tackle the subject. Go through your list of needs that you require help to meet. Don’t be judgmental during this process. Remember, if you do not tell someone what you need, how will they know? Work out a plan together, and grow from there.
Some people or couples may need or want to seek out the help of a counselor during this process. A counselor is able to work with individuals to discover needs, find ways to meet these needs, and to begin the communication process with their romantic partner. Couples may choose to work with a counselor as a mediator for these conversations, and to add guidance as they work together.