Steps to Take When Relationship Boundaries Get Crossed

Have you ever had a close friend or relative that you love, but wouldn't mind having the chance or nerve to tell them things that they do that bother you? Do you ever feel like the friendship boundary has been crossed, but don't say anything because you don't want to hurt their feelings? Often times the friendship 'rules' seem to be one sided. As close friends we tend to get very comfortable with each other and it makes boundaries vague sometimes. Boundaries are a must for a relationship to stay solid, especially if you are not the strong personality in the relationship. If this rings true for you then you may wish to follow this four step process that has worked for me.

Let me first elaborate on the boundary crossing. For example, have you ever been in a situation where you find yourself being treated in the same way your friend or relative complains about being treated by others? Or there are expectations from you as a good friend to always be a supportive listener and then when you have something going on in your life and need support and understanding, you're supposed to 'suck it up' after you have spent hours allowing them to suck your energy dry with their problem? How do we deal with this without being blatant and risking more hurt feelings? Before I give you some steps to take you through the process, there are two things you need to know. First, you can NOT change other people. Second, you CAN change the way you react to them and really close friends are worth the process.

Step 1. Vent on paper. Take out a notebook and write a letter to the person saying exactly how you feel. You can let it all hang out here because this is not to be sent. When you're done read it back. This alone will feel better.

Step 2. Release the Emotions. The best way to do this is with energy clearing techniques like EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) and ZPoint Process. Both of these techniques work by bringing an unwanted feeling, emotion, pattern, or block that hinders or controls you in some way to your present thoughts and releasing the emotions around the problem from your energy field FOR GOOD! Why this is so important is a lot of what bothers us about others is our own stuff. Yes, even if you’re the one being treated unfairly, because you're allowing it, due to your own unconscious patterns. I'm not saying all of it, but their will be a good portion. Once you've released your own emotions, go back and reread your letter.

Step 3. Revise & Prioritize. It's a good thing you didn't send it, right? Now that all those emotions are out of your way, it's time to see what's left. Take your time with this. Look at what really is an issue and what are things that still do need to be said if any. As you do this in a state of renewed peace, you'll find you are open to inner guidance and ideas of how to address it and play out in your mind what your next conversation might look like. You'll know if it's worth holding on to the friendship or not.

Step 4. Wait for the Answer. I find time is the key here. Maybe you just need some space away from the person for a bit. This is often quite easy as most of us have busy lives anyway. During this time, ask your higher self (along with God) if this friendship is worth holding onto, and listen and feel the answer in your body, you'll know and if it doesn't come right away at least wait till your next encounter with your friend, it's quite possible you may find a shift has occurred in them and your answer will be clear.

I personally experienced this with a close friend. She had actually suggested getting together for a talk and wouldn't you know, the conversation played out as if she had actually read my letter and knew the things that had hurt me! Before this, I had actually decided the friendship was unhealthy and was emotionally preparing to move on.

Thankfully our friendship has been good ever since. I still need to be mindful of my own boundaries to protect them from being crossed and release emotions as they come up, but things don't trigger me as much and I am much more confident in who I am.