Stop Sabotaging Your Relationships! Learn How and Develop a Successful Intimacy

If you desire to have a satisfying intimate relationship but haven’t been successful until now, you can probably “predict”, your chances at success next time around based on your past experiences. In all likelihood, if you have failed until now, there is no reason to believe you will succeed next time – unless you make changes vital for a successful relationship. But as long as you are NOT aware of what makes you fail, how would you know what you need to change in order to succeed?

EXAMPLES OF MEN AND WOMEN SABOTAGING THEIR RELATIONSHIPS

* Judy is “always there” for her partners and gives herself 100%. To her surprise her relationships end time and again, often by the instigation of her partners. Not understanding why it happens to her again and again, what crosses her mind is: “Next time I have to “be there for him” even more. He will then really appreciate it! ”

* Tom “loves his partners” so much that he “wants the world for them”. Therefore, he doesn’t understand why there are often many arguments and conflicts between him and his partners, to the point of a break-up. Is there any reason for Tom to assume that “things will turn out for the better next time around” if he continues to behave with his partners the same way he has been used to?

* Carol’s tends to enter into relationships with whoever blinks at her. She often goes to bed with them right away, telling herself this is “the man of my life” - just to be disappointed once more. If this is a behavioral pattern she has adapted, is it likely that she will one day stop her self-sabotaging behavior?

* Hanks tends to escape each time the relationship he is in begins to be serious. This has happened to him time and again for the last several years, in spite of his desire to have a serious, long-term bond. Based on such experiences, is there a chance that things will suddenly change?

The answer is probably: No. The men and women depicted in these examples are typical of many who sabotage their relationships by repeating the same emotional and behavioral patterns time and again, therefore failing in their relationships constantly. It is almost possible to predict what will happen when they begin a new relationship!
NOT BEING AWARE DRIVES MEN AND WOMEN ALIKE TO REPEAT THE SAME HARMFUL PATTERNS TIME AND AGAIN

Why do they repeat the same harmful patterns time and again? The answer is simple: they just don’t know better. They are unaware of a host of factors which drive them to sabotage their relationships. And as long as they unaware they can’t change:

* Judy, for example, is unaware that when she “is there” 100% for her partners they might feel suffocated – to the point that they leave her. Being unaware, she continues to “pour all this love” on her next partner.

* Tom is unaware that he is a jealous and controlling person. He believes that he is a loving person who wants to be with his partners as much as possible and that he knows what’s good for them. He doesn’t see and understand that his jealousy and control push his partners away.

* Carol is unaware of the fact that the fear of being alone drives her to jump into all these relationships with partners who are not for her. She believes she is being desired by them all!

* Hanks, who constantly changes partners – even though he would have preferred to have a stable relationship – tells himself that it is only a matter of time until he finds “the one and only”. He is unaware of the fact that his fear of commitment is the one driving him to escape time and again.

PREDICTING YOU SUCCESS BASED ON YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES

It is quite likely that you can predict – based on your past experience – what will happen regarding your relationships this year:

* If you are single, will you be able to find a partner with whom to develop a successful relationship if you haven’t succeeded until now?

* If you have a partner, will you be able to maintain and improve the relationship (if it hasn’t been going well between the two of you for a long time now?).

* If you made up your mind to leave your current partner and look for a new relationship, will you be able to know how to develop a successful bond with a new partner?

Being totally honest with yourself you might be able to “predict”, based on your past experiences, whether you will be successful next time around. If you have been failing until now, is there a reason to believe you will succeed next time without making any changes about your regular patterns of attitudes, reactions and behaviors?

The funny – yet sad – point is, that you might be aware of the fact that you have failed until now; you might, deep down, allow yourself to predict that you will fail again. Yet, as long as you are not aware of what makes you fail you will not know what you need to change in order to succeed.

BECOMING AWARE OF HOW YOU SABOTAGE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS IS THE ROAD TO DEVELOPING A SUCCESSFUL ONE

In all likelihoods you are controlled by any one of a host of factors which exert power over you (whether same or different than the ones mentioned above). These can be your needs, fears, unrealistic expectations, ungrounded fantasies, a misleading belief system, attitudes about partners and relationships and behaviors – all of which have become your patterns and sabotage your relationships time and again. As long as you are not aware of these patterns, it is easy to predict that you will keep sabotage yourself and your relationships.

It is only when you become aware of your harmful patterns that you can change them. It is then that you become able to develop and maintain a successful relationship.