Surviving an Affair: Some Thoughts

The shock and pain that accompanies surviving an affair is something that over half of all marriages experience. The betrayed party suffers exceptional feelings of worthlessness and rage, often choosing to abandon the marriage altogether. There are, however, many parties who decide to remain together, seeking to reconnect with each other and re-establish trust. This is often a slow, painful process, but one that may, with a bit of patience and understanding, result in reconciliation. Here are some ways that assist with surviving an affair.

Often, people think that it is the exclusive responsibility of the innocent spouse to forgive the betrayal, and heal the marriage. There are, however, many steps the guilty party can take for saving the relationship. The first step involves empathy. He or she must take full responsibility for their dishonesty and express regret and remorse to their partner. This shows that a willingness to discard all elements of the previous dalliance. It will also establish a firm foundation for the other steps to follow.

Contrary to popular views, a full and honest discussion about the infidelity will assist in promoting honesty in the marriage. Often, people shy away from this strategy, as they feel that disclosing intimate information about their cheating may serve to unnecessarily hurt the betrayed partner. This candidness does, however, prevent the betrayed partner from falling into destructive patterns of thinking obsessively about the liaison.

The innocent party does, however, face greater challenges in forgiving the betrayal. Amidst all the rage and anguish, it is vital for this person calmly acquire all the details that are needed to form a clear impression of why and how the affair occurred. From this point, he or she must also provide honest information about the emotional and psychological impact of the cheating. They should discuss the personal consequences broken trust openly and clearly.

Often, it is a good idea to take some time apart. This strategy is exceptionally helpful for the betrayed spouse. By going away for some time, this person will be able to extract him/herself from the fraught situation, and assess it from a more distant, and objective viewpoint. At this time, it is vital to seek counsel from friends and family.

It is important to not forgive too quickly or too easily. Often, betrayed spouses seek quick-fix healing by forgiving before they are ready. It takes much time, and regular counseling, to resolve those issues of anger and mistrust. Therefore, spouses must only offer forgiveness when they are ready to do so.

Couples must also take some time to discuss other things. This will help them re-establish old, enjoyable habits and activities. With time, these different strategies will assist in surviving an affair.