Tales from the Therapist's Couch: Why Smart Women Stay with the Wrong Guy

As a relationship therapist, I meet women every day who know they are dating the wrong guy. They are bored, they feel lonely, and their relationship is unsatisfying—yet they stay. Why? As different as the women are, their reasons are shockingly similar. Here are the top four reasons I hear over and over again.

“We’ve been dating for a long time.”
Women tell me that they don’t want to “waste all the time they have put into the relationship.” I remind them that this is like throwing “good money after bad.” Since they have already put time into a relationship that does not fulfill them, why do they want to continue? It doesn’t make any sense. Plus, you will eliminate the opportunity to meet the right guy if you choose to stay with the wrong one.

“He is going to change.”
I always remind women to pay attention to those red flags. If he is a dishonest boyfriend, he’ll be a dishonest husband. If he has a bad temper now, he’s likely to have a bad temper later. Why do you want them to change? How would you feel if he wanted YOU to change?

“I don’t think anyone better is going to come along.”
Don’t stay because you think that he’s “the best you can do.” You are much better off alone than with the wrong guy. A now-happily-married women told me that she regretted clinging to her high school boyfriend for so long. “I didn’t go away to college,” she told me. “It’s too late for me now and I can’t go back and do it over again.”

I don’t want to start over/I’m scared to be aloner
I encourage women to take the energy they are spending hanging on to the wrong guy and create an open space in their life to attract the right guy. Travel, try new things, explore new ways of doing things–and through your experiences–you might meet the right guy. And if you don’t, that’s okay too. You don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy and fulfilled!

If any of these reasons sound familiar to you, you might want to take some time to reflect on your current boyfriend. An unhappy, unhealthy relationship affects ALL aspects of your life. Don’t settle for the wrong guy! For more information on why women stay with the wrong guy, visit my website www.coldfeetpress.com