Tethered to Mobile Devices: Effects on Relationships

How connected are you to your mobile device? Did you know that many teenagers are sleeping with their I-phone or smart phone right under their pillow. They want to be able to text in the middle of the night and not miss incoming messages. However, there are also many parents who are tethered to their devices. It is amazing how quickly these portable ways of being connected have become a necessity in our lives. We have all this information at our fingertips and can be reached practically everywhere.

Since I am in the people communication business I am interested in how individuals, couples, and families can strengthen their human connections. This new world of being connected requires new rules for real life interactions. I heard of one family that made sure that at least several nights a week and on Sundays they all ate together. Reality was that indeed they were all together but each one was busy doing his/her own thing. There was virtually no interaction other than a request that a particular dish be passed. Each person was tethered to his or her own mobile device.

Dr. Sherry Turkel author of Alone Together talks about our mobile technology becoming our "phantom limb". That is in reference to the fact that when someone has lost a limb they experience sensations as if the limb was still present. It is true that for many people setting their device aside even for a brief period of time feels "weird" or like something is missing.

Real life connections have to be nurtured. No device can truly understand us, comfort us, love us, accept us and call us to task when necessary. That is what families are for. I have heard a spouse say that when his wife's blackberry goes off she "has to" answer. It doesn't matter what they are doing there is a compulsion to answer. She is afraid that she will miss something. Likewise I have heard wives express the same thing about their husbands, parents about their children and children about their parents.

As a relationship coach I advocate establishing rules for nurturing real life connections. We need to know that we are loved and that we can count on the people we are a part of to be there for us. It takes undivided attention to create these strong bonding connections.There need to be times every day when we truly listen and pay attention to one another. This paying attention with eyes, ears, words, body language and undivided attention results leads to being emotionally connected. Without creating strong couple and family connections we end up being lonely. We reach out more to our social networks and begin to substitute a life in this new world for real life connections.