The Art of Effective Listening

Some people are effective listeners and some are not. The difference between being a good listener and a bad one lies in the way that you interact with the speaker. A good listener is intimate with the speaker in that he or she listens on a whole different level. An average listener will hear with the ears but a great listener listens with the entire soul. The effective listener knows how to utilize people because he or she understands the thoughts and intentions of their hearts and minds. Do you remember the OJ Simpson trial? When OJ was asked to try on the glove found at the murder scene it didn’t fit. This would have never happened if the prosecutor had been a little more intimate with the glove and the defendant’s hand. Had he been more intimate with the effects of the elements or the temperature or moisture on the glove he probably would have made a better decision. The fact that this was lost on him played a big part in the case being lost. The difference between being a good listener can be compared to the difference in either holding a loved one’s hand or being intimate with that person. You may touch them on a small level or you may touch them all over. An intimate listener operates on a whole different level. He or she has to have more of a selfless orientation. Their intention should not be to control the other individual but to make an honest assessment. I learned one important thing as a retailer. The product that I retail is a custom military ring. In order to be an effective salesma I learned that I have to listen to what the customer actually wanted to say rather than what he or she was able to verbally communicate to me. Since I knew all about the product I could figure out just about what the customer had in his or her mind and most times I was able to give them a product which met or exceeded their expectations. The key is to be able to get inside the mind of the customer and fill the need that he or she had for the product. When you listen, listen with every part of your being. Let me use Michael Jackson as an example. The one thing that really set Michael apart as an entertainer was his dancing. I once heard an interviewer ask Michael what was the secret to his dance ability. Michael’s immediate reply was, “You have to be the music.” In other words he was not moved by his own mind he was moved by the music. He allowed his soul to respond to what it was hearing. He didn’t respond to what he heard with his ears but by what he heard in his very soul. So the moral is that if you want to be empathetic and help the person who you are listening to you have to be that person. The term that I like to use is that you have to get inside of his head. You have to be intimate with the very words which are being spoken. I liken being an effective listener to the cow who is chewing the cud. You take it in and digest it then you cough it up and chew on it some more. A good leader of people knows the importance of effective listening. The follower feels your conce when you make the effort to really listen. The Good Life