The Power Within

My story is a story about becoming who we really are. It’s about breaking the shackles that bind and limit us. These are not physical shackles, although there are some in this world that have been bound in that way also. These are the shackles that have been formed by the world around us into our minds as we make out way in the world as a little child. This is not a story about blame because blame is also a shackle that holds that very feeling in our psyche, taking up space where other more beautiful thoughts and feelings can reside. A most powerful thing to know is that we have the key to our freedom. It can be hard turning that key to get to that freedom but the perseverance in trying and ultimately succeeding is the most fantastic feeling in the world.

Like so many others in the not so distant past, I grew up in an atmosphere of extreme negativity. Different circumstances, same message. You’re no good. You’re too fat. Stupid! You better be perfect. Can’t you do anything right? On and on….you get the picture. And then there was the physical abuse. Abuse caused by the frustration of a parent’s longing for fulfillment for their self, by the unresolved hurt and pain never being healing and passed down to the children, namely me and my two siblings. Rage that if ignored has nowhere to go except to be passed down from generation to generation. So what do you get? Children who have been given messages that stifle their ability to believe in their greatness. I was one of those children.

But the beautiful thing, the most awesome realization from having this life experience is to find that incredible power and presence, sometimes hidden way deep inside, or let me say, if finds us and wakes us up, if we are listening carefully and comes forth to show us the way to break the shackles and to live victoriously!

I think that some of us are much more sensitive to the effects that the world has on us. I now know that I am a highly sensitive person (and there is a book written about this 15-20 % population) and so the effects that my upbringing had on me lasted well into my 40’s until deep healing work has been done. I have heard it said, yeah, everybody’s got something from their childhood, just move on and get on with life….stop whining. It’s not that easy for some.

I look at who I have become and marvel at the journey. Here’s where I was when I found my spiritual home called Unity Church, which started the sojou
of recovery. I did not know who I was….my focus in life had been conditioned to be others….caretaking….no sense of what I needed to take care of myself. My self-esteem was such that I could not speak in front of more than two people without retreating into the abyss of self-loathing. My words….they were worthless. I didn’t have anything worthwhile to say. I judged myself so harshly to the point of debilitation in being able to communicate authentically and comfortably. It was so painstaking to be hiding the real me. But the fear that others around me would not like me, the real me, smothered my ability to be who I was….it was only with my closest friends that I could let down my guard and be myself.

This also carried over in the ability to think that I could achieve anything worthwhile or that I could do exciting things in life like “those” other people, who enjoyed life, who accomplished things, who were successful. So I went through the dramas of my life…..abuse, drug and alcohol, failed marriages, single parenthood at near poverty level and weathered the storms that accompanied these experiences.

It was at Unity that my life turned around. The message that everyone recognizes as the feeling of “coming home” was my new home. As I started to face my demons and uncover the roots that bound me to the past, I began to take the messages I heard at Unity, messages that resonated deep within me as the absolute Truth and gradually change my thoughts. As I gradually changed my thoughts, and in a lot of cases it is a gradual experience because of the patterns being so deep, my life started to change in miraculous ways.

I had been blessed actually, even in the midst of these challenges, in many wonderful aspects of my life. Even though my car was an oldie, it took me where I needed to go. Yes, I was raising three children on a waitress wage, but hey—the bills were paid and we had food to eat. I may not have had a high-end home, but it was comfortable and in a nice neighborhood and the schools were good. My children and I were all extremely healthy and in spite of our woes, we made the best of it and had a lot of love. And to top it all off, I had found a beautiful place to be around like-minded people and to celebrate my spirituality. So, as I realized my blessings, I became aware of the serene gratitude I felt, instead of griping about what I didn’t have. And because of the law of attraction, as I kept my focus on the positives in my mind and limited my potential. Spirit said, “I want you to go out and tell the world.” I followed that voice and studied over a 10-year period to become a Licensed Unity Teacher, which gave me the opportunity to get up in front of others and help facilitate their spiritual unfoldment. I was also able to serve as a speaker at different spiritual venues. And to top it all off, as I came to the realization and acceptance of my true, authentic self in a spectrum of authentic ways, one of which was unbridled joy and ability to laugh at myself and see the light side of life. At that point, I discovered a way to teach joy to the world, to help others remember the healing power of being joyful and expressing it through laughter. The ultimate expression of authenticity and glee came in becoming a Certified Laughter Leader through The World Laughter Tour. I came to realize what Spirit had in store for me as I made my way around the Houston area, speaking to groups as small as five and large as four hundred, modeling for them hilarious laughter exercises as they followed, participated and experienced the true joy within themselves as well. My fear of speaking and expressing my true self had been conquered through the power of aligning myself with the God within. The God of true, unconditional love and acceptance, power, peace and joy. So, if I could do it, you can, too!