Those First Few Baby Steps

“Resonating With My Life’s Purpose”nnn“It’s choice – not chance – that determines your destiny.”---Jean Nidetch

Many years have past since those “in between years” of struggle and uncertainty. Following false symbols of success seemed to be the formula into which I bought. Denying parts of myself that were struggling to emerge, seemed easier than facing my fears and trepidations of embracing the moment and accepting the person I was at the time. Fear was the main motivating force of my life in those days. And denying the true essence of my being was the norm.

Not that things were always tough. There were those times of living in my car, and going door to door selling products to make enough to rent a room, and feed myself. I can’t even say “put food on the table”, because for quite awhile I didn’t have one. On the other hand, there were occasions where I made a very good income that provided me with a nice lifestyle. But those times were short lived, as I would quickly sabotage my efforts by getting distracted and moving on to something else.

The one quality that remained constant throughout was my perseverance. No matter how dire the circumstances, I would work my way through. This included going bankrupt, and homeless one more time. I was able to recover from this, re-establish my credit, and eventually discover my true calling. I discovered that when times seem the worst, there is always something to appreciate. One time when homeless in Los Angeles, I was at the beach and just marveled at the beauty of the ocean and sunset. Right at that moment, I knew I was okay no matter what the challenges or circumstances.

I had always thought that if I earned enough money, had enough toys, and other symbols of success everything would be hunky dory. But even when I did have a lot of this, I was not happy, and I would unconsciously make sure that it didn’t last.

Sometimes you have to completely fall on your face before the light within turns on. In 1992, again flat broke and sleeping on a friend’s couch, I finally surrendered and admitted that I was responsible for everything in my life whether pleasant or unpleasant. I decided to let go and follow my intuition.

Since then it’s been a remarkable journey. I learned to take a few small steps in the direction of my heart’s desire, and to trust myself enough to follow my own path. This is a path that has nothing at all to do with outer symbols of success, but a path that is carved by dreams and goals, supported by my true interests and desires.

Over the past fifteen (15) years I returned to work that I loved, but abandoned to follow the false idols of money and fame. Not that there is anything wrong with money and fame, but not as my primary goal.

So what is this work to which I returned after so many years of having my foot on the gas pedal and brake simultaneously? It is working with families and children to empower them to handle their challenges, communicate effectively, discover their true passions, and make a difference in the world.

Working in residential treatment, court appointed classrooms with probation and gang-affiliated children, and doing rehabilitation work with families and children in the community, I was able to use my strengths, experiences, background and abilities to empower parents and kids to find the common ground on which to build or re-establish a working relationship. Kids have taught me so much over the years by granting me permission to look at and deal with my own stuff. They did this by pushing all the buttons of which I knew I had, and many that I was soon to discover. I have been able to help them most by being able to put myself in their shoes, because of my past emotional turmoil and baggage. It’s been a true collaborative effort in growth.

None of this has seemed like work at all. To me it’s just “life”. It’s still truly amazing to me to be in a position where money is not an issue, since what I do I would do for free. As I move on to teaching, writing and consulting in this area, I continue to assist others in moving through their comfort zones, encourage them to face whatever fears are holding them back, and give them the impetus to bust out by taking those “first few baby steps” in the direction of their goals and dreams.

Yes, I now resonate with my life’s purpose, which is to empower others to trust themselves. To trust themselves enough to bust out of their comfort zones, and learn to communicate effectively with their children about uncomfortable issues. To learn to trust themselves enough to BE the person that they wish their child to BE.

And this all began back in 1992, when I made the decision that enough was enough. That it was now time to embrace the parts of myself that I had disowned years before. It was time to let go, take my foot off the brake, and move forward one baby step at a time, in the direction of my true goals and desires. Being in alignment with whom I am and my purpose in life, has enabled me to discover my strength and power within, to live an authentic life in service to others.