Togethe ess in Marriage: What Is It?

Waxing poetic on the subject of love and marriage, Kahlil Gibran in The Prophet said, "Let there be spaces in your togethe
ess." Gibran is not suggesting that couples take an occasional breather from each other (although that might be a good idea, too). In beautiful, lyrical language Gibran reminds us not to lose ourselves in our relationship, but to maintain our individuality, and that by doing so we are stronger as a couple.

The passage includes this, " And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart . . ." I would happily trade a valuable body part for the ability to write like Gibran but no one has offered that deal so I'm stuck with elaborating in my far less lyrical way. "Togethe
ess" is not about being joined at the hip. "Togethe
ess" is about the emotional and mental bond that connects you and, like the pillars of the temple, supports your relationship even when you are physically separated. It's the reservoir of strength you draw on when you need to be strong. It's the hand at your back when you need encouragement. It's the well of confidence you tap into when your self-belief wavers.

The Gibran passage concludes with, "And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." "Togethe
ess" is not about being each other's clone. It's the freedom to be who you are without fear of losing love. It's permission to make mistakes, change and grow. It's willingness to learn at each other's knee.

"Togethe
ess" is the cornerstone of emotional intimacy and when you experience unadulterated togethe
ess, it's akin to being in a state of grace.

So, look, the next time you're about to make some snarky comment to your sweetie, or let loose with a piece of your mind, or turn a cold shoulder, or go to that he's-such-a-jerk or she's-such-a-witch place, or "forget" to keep a promise, or shrug off your partner's wishes, or, well, you get the picture, ask yourself if what you're about to say or do will put a chink in your "togethe
ess." Too many chinks and you'll slip right into "aloneness" and that sucks. Protect and honor your "togethe
ess" by being thoughtful, kind, loving, generous, supportive, understanding and, well, you get the picture here, too.

From Gibran . . .
"Let there be spaces in your togethe
ess, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow." Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

From me . . .
"Togethe
ess." It's way cool. Go for it.