Transform Your Relationship With A Negativity Fast

I would like to challenge you to go 30 days without judgment, harsh words, criticism or complaint in your relationship. This challenge can seem daunting especially if your relationship is struggling. Think of this as an experiment. Take the challenge and notice what happens inside of you and what happens to your relationship.

This goes deeper than just biting your tongue and not saying rude things to each other. This means choosing accepting and loving thoughts as well as accepting and loving words. It will not be a negativity fast if internally you are still judging, criticizing and complaining.

Just as in marshal arts you would use the opponent’s force rather than resist it, choose to use the inevitable negative or critical thoughts that pops into your head to your advantage. Use your negative thoughts as a spring board to remind you to think of what you want in your relationship rather than what you do not want. That way the negative thoughts can lead you to positive thoughts. Choose to change your perspective, the spin you are putting on things, and your attitude. Change your focus to notice and pay attention to what you like about your partner and what is going right in your relationship. Remember if you can see it you can achieve it. Create a positive vision for your relationship. Create positive expectations.

Also try looking for the positive intention behind your complaints. For example, you may be worried about your partner's health or you may be attempting to express your needs. Fear can be an attempt to keep ourself or loved ones safe. Worry tells us we need to prepare for a future situation or condition. Reminding ourselves of negative past events is one way to stop ourselves from repeating those mistakes. Constructive criticism is an oxymoron. Generally we begin with good reasons, unfortunately criticism rarely feels helpful.

Choose to take action rather than stew. The adage accept the things you cannot change and change the things you can is helpful here. Change the things which are within your control and accept those things which are not. Remember you are not responsible for your partner's thoughts, feelings or actions. You are responsible for your own thoughts, feeling and actions. Rather than worry, do what you can and let the rest go.

Negative emotions are like small children trying to get your attention. The longer you resist or ignore them, the louder and more persistent they will get. But if you are willing to stop and get down to their level and listen to the message they are trying to give you, often that is all they need and soon they are off playing. Consider what message your feelings are trying to give you. When you accept and acknowledge your feelings it becomes easier to release them. Remember to accept 100% responsibility for your own feelings. Your partner cannot make you angry, sad or happy. Whatever their attitude and behavior may be, you still choose your response.

Too often we get into the bad habit of harping on what we see is going wrong in the relationship. We may mistakenly think that pointing out our partner's shortcomings will motivate them to change. And when this fails to work, we point out their shortcomings more loudly, pointedly and more frequently. The negativity fast is intended to help you break those relationship damaging habits of focusing on the negative in your relationship and help.