Trust Turnaround Advice: How to Courageously Make Relationship Changes

Change is an undeniable part of life. Seasons change. Our bodies change as the years pass. And relationships change. Sometimes deep down inside, you are called to make a change in your life or your relationship. For a variety of reasons, you might choose to ignore that call for change and instead attempt to keep on going in the same way. In order for you to start turning trust around in your love relationship, however, you need to pay attention to and take steps toward the happiness and fulfillment you want.

The change that you are being called to make may feel overwhelming, scary or even outrageous. Perhaps what you internally know to be the next best step in your life, appears to go against the way you've always done things. It might even seem to conflict with how you've been taught to act or be in a relationship. In response to these resistant feelings, it is understandable that you might shut down, put blinders on and keep on with the status quo.

We encourage you to learn how to really listen to your inner wisdom and gather up your courage to make those changes.

Jody feels like she's living in a bad movie that she can't turn off or look away from. She knows that her husband Pat consistently lies to her about where he goes, who he's with and even how much money he earns at his job. The evidence seems to always emerge that betrays his lies but Jody keeps pretending that Pat is truthful, or she brushes aside the lie and tries to focus on other things. Jody is very fearful that Pat will leave her. He admitted the affair he had a year ago to her but then made it clear that if Jody wants him to stick around, she'd better never bring up his affair. Jody is worried that if she confronts Pat about his lying, he won't stay with her. So she silently cries herself to sleep at night wondering if Pat is also lying about his affair being over.

A voice withi
Jody is growing in strength urging her to speak up and confront Pat about the lies-- regardless of the consequences. But this change feels really big and really scary. So, for now, Jody remains silent and miserable.

Be clear about the changes you are being called to make.
When you feel urged to make a change in your relationship or your life, it is important that you know if this push is coming from within you. There are times when people or outside influences in our lives seem to dictate how we live. Be clear that the changes you feel drawn to make are coming from within you. You can better determine this by creating a quiet space for yourself and simply tuning in to how you are feeling right now. Allow the clutter of what you think others will do, say, or want to dissipate and move from your mind. Drop down into your heart and your gut and notice what you feel and desire.

Jody lives with a lot of internal fears. She grew up in the atmosphere of anger and tension between her parents until one day her father finally left. This past experience only adds to Jody's worries that speaking up will have negative consequences. In order to become clear about what changes she is being called to make, Jody has to let go-- even for just a few moments-- of those echoes from her past growing up as well as the threats made by Pat that he will leave if she confronts or questions him. Jody begins to meditate and pray every day to gain the clarity she needs.

Take your first steps toward change and a trust turnaround.
From a clearer and calmer place, Jody knows that it is past time to make a change in her relationship. She makes a list of what she wants-- including the kind of relationship she wants-- and while reading over the list, begins to feel overwhelmed.

It can be helpful to write down the change or changes you want to make and even develop a list of what you'd like in your life. And it is not unusual to feel overwhelmed as you consider lining up with that change. Remember to breathe! You don't have to jump from point A to point Z all at once. In fact, change can often happen with more ease if you start out with smaller incremental steps. This is not always possible-- if you are in an abusive relationship, for example, a more radical step that will take you out of danger is vital.

Jody is able to breathe and re-focus on her list of changes. She chooses to focus in on her basic need to speak her truth with Pat and decides to begin by asking him about a party he attended a few nights ago that he lied to her about. Jody feels nervous and doesn't know what will happen after she speaks up, but she does know that she can't remain silent any longer. Jody also doesn't know if she and Pat will stay together in the long run. But she is starting to believe that she deserves to have a partner she can trust and be open with. This might be Pat or it might not.

The changes that you are called to make and that you choose to act upon may seem bigger or smaller than those Jody is moving toward. The point here is that you CAN have the life and relationship you want. When you stay tuned in to how you feel and what you want, then you can point yourself in the direction of those changes. You deserve it!